The world seems so bleak
Once you rise off your knees,
Your sides are bruised
You apologize, for flinching
Apologize for existing,
When it's two in the morning
You haven't slept in days
Thoughts are racing in your brain,
Your head aches, pounds with
Your heartbeat , it's sped up
Adrenaline barely wearing off.
Grip onto whatever pieces
of reality you can find,
Secretly wishing you slip away
Just this one time,
To avoid this pain in your ribs
Make it the last time
You have to hope they didn't break,
The last night you lay awake,
knowing life would be a bore,
without the odd validation
Of laying on your bed,
Ice pack held close to your body.
Maybe you're a little too fucked up,
What does that matter,
No one would notice anyways,
They all think you're fine,
That's what you tell them at least;
Everything is fine, don't worry,
Cry yourself to sleep humming
Old lullabies from years ago,
Hum yourself to sleep,
Or maybe, just daydream
About how life used to be.
We sat on your doorstep all night
Singing songs from our childhood,
Laughing at the references we missed.
You never cared I was off key,
I loved how you couldn't keep rhythm.
I believe if we stayed there forever
We might just be perfectly okay.
Then you realized how much my
Voice strained to get the notes,
I began to get distracted by
Just how off your tapping was.
Love became frustration,
Melodies becomes arguments.
It didn't take much to long
To silence us completely.
Now you've come to me,
No one else can sing our songs.
I came back to you,
No one else taps the beat of my heart.
We're trying so hard to fix
What has been destroyed.
So we sit on your doorstep,
Singing new songs,
Only hoping that can fix it.
He calls for her in the night
From his place on the kitchen floor,
Broken bottles scattered about his feet,
He picks up a piece of one,
Holds it loosely in his closed hand.
She comes to him reluctantly,
Her footsteps whispers on hardwood.
He tells her to sit with him,
Amongst his shattered discards,
She lowers herself, silencing protests.
His hand brushes her leg,
Beckons her to come closer.
She swallows her fear, glancing back
In the room she'd left is her life,
Her joy in this nightmare of a house,
There is a wooden crib,
A small boy stirring inside it.
She's almost lost her boy once.
She moves closer to the man,
Her body trembling with knowledge
Of what comes with their closeness.
His hand moves up her nightgown,
Grazes the marks he left before,
He was fond of leaving them there
Beleiving it claimed his territory.
She shakes, gives him her body
Only hoping it stops his anger,
That she can protect her baby
If only for one more night.
She is a goddess,
A star filled extraterrestrial diety.
Her hair is made of sunlight,
It shines over her shoulders,
Cascades down her back
In golden brown rays,
Her eyes are fields of grass
They blow through my mind,
Grow in my heart like weeds,
Taking over every thought.
Her body is made of mountains,
Valleys that dip perfectly,
My hands know them by memory
Finding every piece in the dark.
Her words are magical,
They echo despite her whispers,
Ring so loud they become screams,
I just can't listen anymore.
I had her for such a short time,
She loved me,
I forgot that meant I needed
To love her back.
"I trust you"
I whisper as your hand
Moves up my thigh,
You tighten your grip,
Press your lips against mine.
Its like you're trying
To claim me,
To suck the air
Right out of my lungs.
I smile at you,
Unsure as to how far I
Want you to go.
You just pull me to you,
"I thought you trusted me?"
I am suffocating,
The words you
Pushed down my throat
Haven't been letting
Any air get past,
I would push them down,
But my throat is sore.
You grabbed it to hold
My mouth open
As you spoke into it
A story of how this happened.
Every morning I cover
The imprent of fingertips
Sighing the same thing
I've sighed since the day we met.
I know you won't do it again.
There is a boy who claimed to love me,
His hands would grab at my waist
Like his lust was cured with the touch,
But they roamed over every body
Within their grasp like explorers
Too afraid to settle down
Afraid they'd get bored with just
The landscape of my body
Just the mountains of my hips
The rivers of my hair
They'd tire of the hill of breasts
Of the lake between my legs
And so he never stayed for long.
I realize now he never intended to,
Always his plan was to leave
After he knew every inch of me
And I was stupid enough to
Hand him a map and mark my heart
Right in the middle just incase.
But I am worth more than my body
I am worth staying,
He is not worth baring all explorers
He is not the example for how
Every hand that touches me will end,
He will not be the last
And he most definitely cannot stay,