In a world purely about survival,
the best revenge I can have is
to live well and succeed

Life may be harsh and challenging right now
But know this much is true
I would never choose an easy life alone
Over a difficult one with you

Sometimes i just cant sleep.
My thoughts drive me up the wall and through a valley that i cant stand to go on
The pure thought of it alone makes me want to go to sleep and just never wake up again or be tortured by a thousand little needles poking at my feet
My thoughts always seem to eat me up
But at night it is usually the worst or when i am alone and the darkness of my life creeps in and tries to sweep me away into seeing the sad reality of everything i try to write off as a little bitty part that doesnt matter.
The sad reality that i always try to escape makes me want to put a bullet deep into my head bring all the voices to an end..
This is one of those nights
Even with the person I love most in the world sleeping next to me
The person who i have told the most to
I still feel lifes full force on me
Suffocating me
Pushing me deeper into the harsh belly of it's inside
My love is asleep and i am awake feeling all alone
feeling burned
feeling as if I am not good enough and never will be
Will life always feel like this for me

i.   the first time I saw you, you sat on the floor
at my house, I'd never met or seen you.
You smiled and said my name, then my sister's.
you seemed like the kind of person that belongs.
that fits perfectly and can be held onto.

ii.  we were perfect, making merry and laughing at things
it looked bright for the both of us.
that first night, we promised each other that we could always work it out.
no matter how rough it could ever get.
if only we had seen us now.

iii.  you jeer at everything I do or say.
according to you I am mean and unloving, disrespectful even.
according to me you are selfish, mean, bad hearted, bad mannered, uncultured, disrespectful, childish, unforgiving, filled with anger and jealousy, not moral-ed ..... and all the things I shouldn't have ever met.

iv.   its because of people like you that unmeet buttons should have existed.
Hate is a strong word, but sometimes I feel it when I think of you.

I saw your flag stuck on the porch  
I thought it was white
But the closer I looked the redder it appeared
I grasped it and blades sunk into my palms
Which was never what I feared
I knew from my palms my heart would bleed
Until there was nothing left inside of me
A casket, sealed so tight it set me free

Set me free to run wildly across the shattered rubble of glass that cut my knees
Set me free to scream at the bodies who caged me
Set me free to cry rivers, lakes and seas
Set me free until I’ve exhausted the universe inside of me

With broken hands and broken knees
I stared at you
Silently shouting please
Praying for a plea
Praying for you to set me free
Praying you could fix my knees
But I choked on my own fingers
Trying to understand everything that lingers

I wonder why white flags turn red
I wonder why my broken hands feel like lead
But then I remember that I chose this casket as my deathbed
It’s walls strung from forests full of wood, composed out of all the things you said
The melody falling loudly like gravity struck God in the head
And it was then, I understood
Because my white flag turned red

Every soul ebb
and flows.

Harsh day, exhausted, stressed and broken.
She reached for her mirror.
Ignoring family,mobile And virtual friends.
She needs an old friend.