So this guy is dying
in a recovery bed
Out of surgery
obviously not successful
because he is dying
and his wife is watching
her husband,
brain dead
dying and there is a montage of his moments with his wife
their life together telling
his wife
he loves her
forever.....
but together

And this montage,
its of the life they lived.
I am crying to it, so hard
I'm not super attached to the characters
It's just sad.
really sad.
but the music choice, its a remix
the slow remix ones, they get me
and me not knowing where we are,
I love you.
where are we.
And you don't love me back the way I need you too.
where are we
really?

You and I could be something
really real.
So real
I want to spend my life with you
It scares me that I can know this
20 years old
And I know for 20 more
Or 50
That I could wake up beside you and be content with my decision.

I think we could be really real.
Why are you scared of something that feels good
And right
And real


I am too
but I ignored it


And this is where it got me.
crying about you
while I watch Grey's Anatomy

but think about us, really?

She holds my heart in two
Her hands are drenched in blood
She’s my evil queen

An evil fantasy
No unicorns or flowers, just me
Sitting alone in an empty field.

Ghosts holding hands, squeezing them tightly
White faces pale, eyes shining
Me in a corner crying

Down on one knee
Another collapses under me
An earthquake is happening

The sunset is peaceful
I open my eyes once again to see nothing
I’ve been hallucinating.

Where are her bloodstained hands?
Why is she holding a bloodied dagger?
Why is there an urgent pain in my chest?
Suddenly
I feel nothing.

18th July 2016

You’re a drug, you kept me soaring and crashing
I’m over your tripping cos baby you’re fine

But I can still be happy
I can still feel fine
The memories of you are all in my mind.

I took a sip of you and I still felt dry
My throat’s been sore for how many times
I’ve screamed your name for nothing

But I can still be happy
I can still feel fine
The memories of you are all in my mind.

Baby you said I can’t complete this song without you
But for once I did and it didn’t feel fine

But I can still be happy
I can still feel fine
The memories of you are all in my mind.

I'm just a guy







Who wants to *escape

I can’t move on when you’re stuck with me
I can’t feel brave if you’re my everything
I’ve given you what I’ve got and you’ve given it back
So please don’t make this painful for me

But I have to say goodbye, I have to let you go
And baby I’m sorry you brought me so many tears.
I hate to have to tell you that I’m better off in the end
And I hate pushing you away.

Some days the pain is too much
Sometimes I can’t even speak
Seeing people like you just feels shoved in my face.
How could I even think this would be easy?
It’s not easy being a broken part of you.

I hate the tears your name trigger in these eyes
I hate hearing people ask me what’s wrong
I hate the lump in my throat like a dead animal
Even though that’s how I feel.

I honestly feel dead or better off dying.

You sweeten my life with your sugary smile
I can’t start to describe how that tastes
But I can feel rivers oozing out of you.

Into my bloodstream you go
Swimming and destroying my heart
I won’t let you go until it’s time
To say goodbye after you rot me.

You won’t catch me just yet
Not with that look in your eyes
And not with iron thighs on my chest.

But down you’ve gone into my bloodstream
Swimming and destroying my heart
Going downriver until it’s time
To rot me, then let me rest.

If I had a body you could possess
I’m sure you’d see to it that I’m depressed
With all of my happiness wasted away on you.

7th June 2016

Don’t look down at your feet
You’re standing near the edge of a cliff
With your hands bound and your mouth shut.

There are rocks under your feet and weeds near your ankles
And something in your eyes is unsettling
You can’t smell fear, you can feel it.

Your heartbeat is unsteady
Your knees are weak and your chest is fragile
There’s no way you can fly.

The executioner’s hood is over your head
Your legs are numb and drooping
You’re about to fall
D
O
W
N
.

27th May 2016

You’re sitting beside me staring at the moon
I can feel the way your hair brushes past my shoulder
And I can feel my arms around your waist of their own accord.

And I can feel love right now for only you
I hate everyone else and my lack of self-control.
But darling, I could never hate you no matter how I try
Even though we have no future together.

Darling, if we were just best friends, I’d have done us both in by now
But since I’m still here, feeling the shape of your hand
I’m in pain from everyone who doesn’t understand.

So I feel love right now for only you
I hate everyone else and my lack of self-control.
But darling, I could never hate you no matter how I try
Even though we have no future together.

I’m insane from the ache of losing you
You were my best friend in this hollow, empty head
I’m an angry idiot because I can’t be without you.

(But I am.)

And I can feel love right now for only you
I hate everyone else and my lack of self-control.
But darling, I could never hate you no matter how I try
Even though we have no future together.

I’m sorry darling that this isn’t true love
Because I gave too much but it wasn’t enough
I’m sorry that because of me, you never got your happy ending.

24th May 2016

I'm not sad, I don't know what to feel
I'm a robot or a machine, anything but a heel
I did nothing wrong but I blame myself.

I have nobody else to blame
But I feel guilt and shame
Because everyone around me cares.

I never spoke to you but I saw you place
A smile on someone's face
Then I watched it melt into tears.

I have nobody else to blame
But I see guilt and shame
Because everyone around me cares.

I'm on the outside looking in
Unsure of where you've been
You could have traveled far and wide by now.

I have nobody else to blame
But I feel guilt and shame
Because everyone around me cares.

I'm on the outside looking in
I know that death always wins
But my heart's run out of ache for you.