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Empire Jan 2020
I just... I just want to sleep...
Anything for some rest
To relieve me of this weight
The guilt, the fear, the loss
Crippling. All of it.
I’ve been brought to my knees
Waiting for someone
Anyone
To end me
Empire Jan 2020
Everything... absolutely everything hurts
I loved you
I love you
But you weren’t safe with me
I couldn’t control myself
I made you leave
To save yourself
You’re not gone forever
I’ll see you again
But these months apart...
I don’t know how to survive
The agony of missing you
Kelsey McIntyre Jan 2020
There goes my hope
Slipping out of my fingers
And into your grasp

Your grasp around my neck
Unable to breathe from your lies
You knew how to make me feel warm
But other times so cold

Maybe its my fault I thought you could change
But hey, I guess we all struggle
To breathe more than others some days
Shaina Jan 2020
There once was a girl
Who lived in a dark cavern
Far under the ground
Was this destitute tavern

And inside the cavern
All over the walls
Were tall, glassy mirrors
When she spoke, they answered her calls

"Who am ?" she asked
As desperate as could be
"A sinner," they replied
"This is your reality.

You've made the wrong choices
I'm sorry, my dear,
But the guilt you've obtained
We can see, crystal clear.

From being ignored, to
The lies, and the pain,
It's so easy to see
A sorrowful heart is all you've gained."

As the girl looked into the mirrors
She began to believe
"No one appreciates my efforts,
They aren't worth while, no one listens to me."

And the mirrors around her
Reflected the pain in her face
The dark thoughts she had
She could never erase

And as the girl stood there
Day in and day out
Staring at her reflection
She started to doubt

The pain she was feeling
From friends, family, and sin
Was weighing her spirit down
Her patience began to wear thin

And each day her anger
And disbelief grew
But she hid her true feelings under a cloak
So the next thing she knew

Another weight was added to the cape
This one a venomous snake
That draped around her neck
And wouldn't let her escape

It stayed with her for a while
Weighing her down with a mischievous smile
And one day decided to take a bite
And she didn't even try to put up a fight

Now don't get me wrong
She forgave the sweet snake
But little did she know
She still carried the weight

And when she experienced
Others negativity
It simply wove it's yellow thread
Into the cloak's haunting tapestry

Did she hide the cloak? No
But she let people see
The hurt she experienced
To gain their sympathy

But she never revealed
The hidden message of the silk
So the hurt wouldn’t spread
The colors wouldn't bleed

"If people don't appreciate me
For what I do for them
Maybe they'll appreciate me
When they see where I've been!"

So she showed off her sorrow
But put on a brave face
Whenever someone asked her
If she was okay

She didn't know why
But she showed her emotions
Only to shut people out
When they wanted to be let in

And each time she experienced
Another's criticism or complaints
She turned away, hurt,
But kept making mistakes

"I don't want to weigh people down," she would say
"For my problems are small."
And because of this mindset
She carried them all

So her cloak got more heavy
And the hurt cut more deep
But she tried to keep her head up
Although she was afraid to speak

"God forgives me," she said
"But I can't forgive myself.
Lord, help me out of this place,
And out of this mirrored cell!"

For her focus was on herself,
Though she tried to look up
Her cloak weighing her down,
Her own strength could never be enough

And as the days passed
The guilt weighed on her so
The shame pinning her down
And not letting her go

"It hurts so much, Father,"
she said, day after day
"It's too much. My heart can't take it,
Please make it go away!"

And she begged and she pleaded
Until she was on her knees
And lowering herself she found
She could clearly see

A weak stranger in the mirror
More broken than she knew
And as she looked in her tear filled eyes
She saw the mirror was broken, too

The image of her innocence
Now seemingly damaged beyond repair
And as she stared into the glass
She no longer recognized the girl kneeling there

"How can you forgive me, Lord?
I don't even see myself!
For this is not the innocent child
I used to know so well."

Her iniquities sewn on the cloak around her,
But she didn't take it off
"If I must live with this sin on my cloak
I should get used to the feeling of its cloth."

So she continued to trudge along
Day in and day out
Blaming herself for things
Afraid of opening her mouth

The hurt stacked up and up
Till she began to scream
Her reflection in the mirrors
Not what she meant it to be

"I cannot seem to stop
This hurt inside of me
Father, what can I do?
I can no longer see!"

She begged for forgiveness
Till her throat was dirt dry
And the days, going quickly, yet painfully
Passed by

She was so ashamed
And even when she read scripture
She couldn't shake the feeling
That had now gripped her

But with time the Lord's mercy
Guided her soul
To places of peace and comfort
Where He showed her the goal

"This is meant for you child," He said
"To learn and to grow.
For you cannot be prepared for the world
Without learning to let go

For you are holding onto something
I could've taken long ago
I love you, my precious one
Far more than you know

Your purity is not forever marred
For I can make you white as snow
Come to me, young one, heavy laden
For here green pastures grow

Come, drink of the waters of healing
Wash in the pool of forgiveness
And when you look into the still river
You'll see the reflection of innocence

My heart breaks to see yours broken, child
And that will never change
For as I'm looking down at you
I see what beauty I have made

There's nothing that can separate you
From my unfailing love
And as you take the unwise path
I'm healing you from above

I AM the reason you're still here
I AM the peace you seek
In me you shall find your everything, for
I AM choosing you to teach.

Your worth is not now any less
Than when you first awoke
Look up, my daughter, and you will see
LOOK UP, TAKE OFF YOUR CLOAK."

And as she looked into the mirror
The image began to clear
Her eyes were opened then, to see
The child He held so dear

And as she stood up, her cloak fell off
And crumpled on the ground
She started to see the meaning of the trial
At last she was longer bound

The fog in her eyes began to break
And the light shone through again
And as the time passed by
She found she was no longer where she had been

For the dark cavern around her
Had faded into blue
She saw the clear sky once again
And saw the girl she once knew

"Thank you Lord, for growing me," she whispered
"For showing me what your love means.
For teaching me that without you I am nothing
That your strength is what I need

I am weak, frail, and pitiful
But you are strong, mighty, and capable
There's nothing I've done that cannot be erased
Nothing done to me that won't be abased

You've humbled me to breaking point
And for that I'm so grateful
For if I had not gone through this
I wouldn't truly see you're able

To wash away my sins
As you've wiped away my tears
To bring me out of darkness
And vanquish all my fears

To pour out a mercy that I didn't understand
To show me that I was still inside of your hands
To guide me through hardship and tragedy
Because you wanted to tell me that you loved me."

And as the girl looked up
Her Father smiled down
She knew again by that weight
She'd no longer be bound

The prize was worth the cost
For the grace to abound
For once she was lost
But now, she is found.
John Lane Jan 2020
We deny our flesh, then, give into
the path of least resistance
and after falling in every pothole
from roads we travelled before,
we wonder why guilt and shame
win out as mocking spectators
while we mindlessly repeat
the same painful journey.
Inspired by others' journeys.
M R White Dec 2019
How many burdens do you carry? How many have you passed through your kin? How much of your burden is not yours to carry?
I have struggled with these questions.
What burdens are mine? My shoulders are weakened by these unanswered questions.
I know that maybe this is just family tradition, I was given them at birth. Yet, I did not pick them. I would like to know why I have inherited them. Have my brother have them? Does my sister struggle with similar questions?
What if I did not care to nurture them anymore?
Would they die with me?
Or still be gifted to my kin?
And if they were given to my kin, how would my kin feel?
Would they bare it like Atlas, strap it to their backs and lift with their knees?
Or never speak of it. Hide it in a locket around their neck, neatly tucked under their shirts.
Would they take time to calculate their percentage of the age old burden? Or bury it somewhere in the country, deep into the side of a mountain, with the rest of the ancestors.
I’d hope they would give the burden back to the rightful owners.
I hope with all my being left, they are mighty enough to confront the age old tradition. I hope they give each burden back, to each dead being in the grave.
I am weary of carrying the ancient decisions of my elders.
I wish you luck, my child.
The size of the burden does not determine its weight.
It is heavy.
It has nearly buried me with its ominous weight.
I now understand why the burden is so easily passed without a second thought.
I just hope my guilt does not add to its weight.
SøułSurvivør Dec 2019
I've had a life of sorrow,
I've lived a life of pain.
Wednesday's child. Full of woe,
I've lived a life of shame.

I won't elicit sympathy,
I won't be bright & witty
I'll simply be true to self
I surely don't want pity.

Whenever IT happened
Really matters not
But I had tragedy when young
Was by a devil caught.

IT set about a cycle
Which, like a gerbil wheel,
Made me shunned,
Made me run,
To a trap of tungsten steel.

I was trapped by drugs & vice
Alcohol & more
Accepted *** instead of love
Practically a *****.

I felt unloved. Unlovable.
Ever since a child.
So I died on the inside
Became rebellious... WILD!

I was a cheat. I was a thief.
I ripped off stores for *****.
So I was in the trap of guilt,
Could not help but lose!

I should have died SO many times!
Dragged by a speeding car
By a drug crazed jon of mine
You think THAT left a scar??

But God had SUCH mercy!
He gave me such GRACE!
Heart of stone, and yet...
HIS OWN!
No, I was NOT a WASTE!

I have no doubt I'll always have
Doubts the devil brings
But now I'm LOVED and LOVABLE!

BY THE KING OF KINGS!!!



Catherine Jarvis
12/29/2019
My past is dead. I'm dead along with it. But I've been reborn into Christ's Kingdom. Here I've found the thing I've missed the most... LOVE.
Hlengiwe Dec 2019
I feel it
Swimming in my blood
Moving from neuron to neuron
Consuming my whole body
I blink to get it out
Tears roll down my cheek
Containing the products it produced
I shiver as my eyes dart
From one place to another
All my emotions are numb
Only it shows it's dominance
My **** touches the cold floor
As my back leans on the rough wall
Voices in my ear get louder
Second by second their pitch increase
My hands shield me from the noise
Now I can't hold my vigorous heart
That threatens to forcefully pop out
This feeling is worse than heartbreak
Because it completely takes
your heart
Guilt is deadly
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