If your vocabulary is small
you can grow it like a plant in a ***
day by day water it with words
one at a time until it blooms
into dictionary flowers

I'm sorry for double texting
and reading into every word-
that I miss you so much
and that it consumes me,
and that I hold onto every little snippets of
emotion crumbs that you leave.

Sorry I just don't know how to love in a healthy way.

standing in my kitchen at 12:11 in the morning
eating frost bitten ice cream in my neon pink underwear
staring at the coffee stains that plague my cream white counters
and thinking about christmas and how fast it passed this year

no, really i’m thinking about you
and how if you were still mine, we’d be on the phone right now
or even better, i wouldn’t be staring at the coffee stains on my counter,
because i’d be curled up in your arms, listening to your breathing
and thinking about all the reasons i love you so much

or we’d be out driving around, eating chicfila or tacos from that place we loved
you’d be telling me about a movie you just watched
and your hand would probably be on my thigh
you’d make fun of the way i hold the steering wheel,
and i’d tell you that you can talk when you finally learn to drive

and we’d stop somewhere
and i’d kiss you on the cheek
but i can’t imagine a time when things weren’t bad, so in this scenario
i’d also be thinking about all of my insecurities
but you would see it on my face
and you’d say “hey,
i love you, and there’s no ‘but’s or ‘anyway’s”

and i’d probably work less
so i’d have more time to spend with you
i’d deal with the smaller paychecks by loving you instead
but you’d probably work with me too, and i’d give you rides to and from
and i’d love that we shared something like that together
because of the places from where we both grew up

you always told me you loved shopping together
because it made us feel so real
and like we had our own house, with a big bed and a dog
and a garage full of cars, and a garden to grow from

but the reality hit too soon
we couldn’t handle the stress of it all
and i guess we tried to work it out, but on cue
i realized nothing is really ‘meant to be’

so here i am
now at 12:23 am
eating frost bitten orange sherbet
and crying thinking of all the things that i just said
wishing you were the one i was saying them to.

The word peace
Conjures up images of hippies
In tie dye shirts
And flowers in their hair
But Personal peace
Now there is something there
Bubbles floating
In the steaming bath tub
That makes me feel like
A rose petal
In a hibiscus tea
Melting me into
A softer side of me
As I dose to sleep

Mornings rise
And I breath in
Breath out
Mantra moments
Spent with an app
That filters into my body
And let’s go of the crap
Of noises and neighbors
Of people who blather
On and on
This stream
A river
Of unconscious anger
Yet it has become a leaf
In my tree
I breath in
I breath out
Letting my branches stretch
Farther
As I repeat the mantra
I embrace all of the good in me
I embrace love, life and harmony

i like to dream about my life. in my head
i visit old places, i replay painful memories,
i watch myself grow, i try to grasp about my future self,
i paint the sights i've come across once,
i imagine my first apartment - maybe even a garden,
i dream about all of the possibilities,
i wander through every direction.

i like to read my old self
through pages, through smells, through songs.
i like to visit my childhood
through pretty words, through the right angle of light, through films;
i dream about my life; i dream about the universe itself.

Your smile, your voice, your laugh, they all intoxicate me
You leave me breathless
You magnetize me
Your eyes reflect the depths of an  uncharted ocean.
You are so eloquent, so charismatic
You are like a dream, a fantasy
As I lay in bed and I wonder why I’m here and where I belong you come to mind
I am so in love with you
I tried to fight it at first but there's nothing more that I can do my heart won't let me be free
I just want one more day to be with you
I want to peacefully fall asleep intoxicated by you.
All of my  unhappiness stopped the moment I saw you
You brought Utopia to me
Darling when you smile it's like the rain stops and time is at a standstill
Without you, there is no me. You complete me, you’re the best of me. Your laughter and happiness is the scale of my happiness. 
So just as the night leaves, morning comes, when spring leaves, summer comes and just like the flower wilts and the fruit grows ripe everything goes everything grows so grow with me please, change is  certain so change with me please, please hold my hand

You could desperate hear me start weeping
Ruckus started to crying to crack tangerine
holds one still upright auburn
as an immortal's loneliness fogged or condemned
stays a Sahara burnt hot tambourine
a hangover led Arabian
a broken record
some shattered the bathroom bar.


I wonder for my brother's dowry
on beds too kempt to be called beds
and doorframes and lamps set never high enough to hit again,
to stand to kneel to lock to lash to hold to my brother's body
now felt to me like the female sold fragile to the greater cities with
a vote,
he clearly left his Argentina behind no matter
how she paled, ended struck.


No longer a child or sister to pass as
to take guests in alone
to stand our married couple's cries an unmuteable radio
can't go back to playrooms for imparallel dignities' sake
that made all the noise at night worth it to deal with
I, don't want to play the rook
if no horse of yours' beside.


Now once the scarcity of your voice,
if even morbid,
is to be greeted by me alone,
Adam and Eve we have unable to see,
just for the empty halls of your decision just for me to hit,
your turned leaf hidden agenda of relief,
I recognise my faiths of the old of your endless
mornings supposedly killed by snoring and your
vividness to my thoughts a foreign concept,
to note you resurrected out of mind and out of sight
the congruence picks me out and slaps me that
our cocoon and safe designed for you
was nothing short of a coma web in your eyes
to begin with instead.

...

I look out to my brother's dowry
to hold stubborn, fainted in my nook the head of my brother's body
to sit on his old air this house keeps like a sari gem
he will never long for
again.

and the days are getting shorter.
Hours into minutes into seconds,
squished together like nesting dolls
until they are lost to infinity. You don't

know the value of sleep yet,
so read your dog-eared paperbacks
by the muted glow of your flashlight,
hidden under your blankets like a

prodigal son. Keep your heavy eyes open
because the pictures in your books
will silently climb out of their pages
while you're asleep, escaping through your

bedroom window. Your bones are getting longer
and your book bag is getting heavier.
So spend your precious seconds wisely,
because as the years change, those seconds will get shorter.