Loving you was like pulling the pin out of a hand grenade* then dropping it, and expecting it to not blow up in your face.
Fleeing into the darkness that is our concept of time.
The passing of time.
I love you, she says.
She speaks with certainty.
A certainty laced with darkness and ice.
A chill against her ribs.
She's not enough.
I need reasons, he says.
He speaks with a need for understanding.
Needing to understand how she could be so cold.
He fears she'll change her mind.
She blinks back the tears.
The words freeze in her throat.
Thousands of hornets in her brain.
He stares at her face.
Wondering what she's thinking.
Something he just can't figure out.
She tries to articulate reasons.
Trying to describe her certainty.
He fights to stay calm.
Surrounded by her destruction.
She believes in logic.
He believes in numbers.
She squeezes her thoughts into simple sentences that she cannot get past her teeth.
Choose your moments.
Choose your meanings.
Nothing is certain unless you choose for it to be certain.
This time she has the easiest choice.
She feels it in her gut.
Deep in her bones.
He is her future.
He is her greatest desire.
Searching for pretty words.
She will choose him.
Every time she will choose him.
A thousand times over.
Without the blink of an eye.
She will always choose him.
She knows this.
She's made her choice.
She is certain.
She sees her future with him.
Children with dark hair and honey eyes.
Soft grass beneath their bare feet as they dance around in endless summer.
She burns with the desire to take his name.
He didn't leave her.
He decided to stay.
He chose her.
She left a wake of destruction.
A minefield of betrayal.
He stayed out of his love.
She can't imagine someone loving her that much.
Enough to stay through her explosions.
To love her in the wreckage.
She never believed that someone could make her want to breathe.
That someone could make her want to wake up in the morning.
He is her reason for keeping the blood within the confines of her veins.
She knows that he is the one who will stand beside her for always.
She trusts him.
She doesn't show it.
But she's learning.
She's fighting for it.
She will learn to let him in.
She will learn to let him truly love her.
She will learn how to be part of a whole.
With him by her side, she can conquer.
They will conquer.
He is still waiting.
Waiting for an answer to depart from her lungs.
She loves his patience.
She values his time.
She writes this in silence.
In hopes that he will soon understand her reasons.
She will keep trying.
Until there's nothing left to be said.
Until her vocabulary is exhausted.
She will continue to prove this love she has for him.
He is her home.
He is her future.
The father of her children.
The husband she waits for.
He is her heart
We don't know where we are going to land
Whose arms we find ourselves in
When the fuse finishes with a puff of smoke
It's not over.
This is the best part of it
Whose arms we find ourselves in.
Brace for impact
Catch the broken pieces we can't hold together
The human being is an inherently contentious creature.
Seven billion rock-wall eyes;
Eyes staring belligerently down seven billion sharp noses;
Noses affixed to seven billion faces;
Faces covered in creases and scars,
Framed in unruly hair
And outlined in stark exactness
By the flames cowering in bipedal shadows.
Into the human heart is chiseled "inexorable".
We are an incongruence:
We row up the rapids,
Scale the waterfall
And taunt the oily heavens from atop Devil's Tower.
We will always get what we want,
Whether it involves killing the albatross
Or playing Gondorff's chess.
Whether we wrest it from Gaia's grasp
Or that of our more miserly peers.
Robert C. crystalised our resolve.
The riot gear-clad Blue and Green with timers in their throats
Chanting "Listen to Mother. Mother knows best.",
They begin the forward press.
When an impish grenade leaps our way,
We fling it back between mouthfuls of chips.
The barricades erected
By Mother and ourselves alike
Are many and implacable and incessant,
But they will be broken and overtaken.
They will be broken and overtaken by us,
Because we are.
I hate to break it to you but,
This isn't just a rut.
Your best friend is a grenade,
Yeah it is a bit clichéd.
But I'm a ticking time bomb,
That's slowly coming undone.
He said he was queer,
You laughed like I wasn't here.
Truth is I'm a little gay,
That's a lie I'm rainbows all the way.
Now if only you knew,
But that'd never cross your view.
I was your Hazel Grace
Because I thought I was a grenade
I was in my final year in high school when I started liking you
And soon I would leave the same school we were into
I, and the people around us
We became dependent of your actions
And you made us believe that you liked me, too
So much depends upon this boy I really liked
behind his eye glasses were his eyes that had
always been sending me love letters
that I always wanted to reciprocate
his stunning smile made him look grand every time
So much depends upon this rebel heart
that I was ironically obedient to
Because not granting what this heart wanted
would **** me a hundred times
Until the day came that I needed to leave you
I thought leaving would hurt harder than a heart break
But you were the one who left
And that was when I started believing
that I was not the grenade I once thought I would be
but it was you
*You left me wounded
March 20 & 21, 2015
lead to active trouble
my thoughts are dangerous bubbles
that burst like grenades
Now I'm in a minefield
because I touched the ***
that was too hot
I should have stayed home
and kept my life under a rock
but monotony is true pain
But I tried to tell him he was a star
He IS a star.
A dying star
In need of a shock wave of air.
I could be that air.
I keep saying that,
But it's a lie.
For he's a grenade.
Destroying everything in his path.
You threw a bomb at me in a war zone I didn't know existed my heart
Was meant to be a haven of peace but you detonate and I flutter to the ground
In a heart
The world spun out of its axis
My body was not ready for the aftermath
Of the effect of your soul on my soul
I can hear a pin
Every time someone says your name in a conversation I
And in the space of a breath I can see, hear, smell and touch you
I can almost touch your love with my fingertips
Like holding a heart
Oprgan transplant to give a new life I wear a mask and observe my heart
As it quivers for you, longing to feel your breath on my lips
The overload of senses is too much on my fragile heart
The devastation is unlike anything I ever witnessed
My home is a pill of dust and I don't feel safe
Walking around the ruins
I stay tucked under the stars I never close my eyes anymore
Behind my eyelids the world is ruined
And my blood boils with anger you
Exploded in my rib cage and destroyed everything in a heart
You threw a grenade and hid back in your own universe
Copper is seeping through my hands and the smell makes me nauseous
I hold my insides together with my own ten fingers
If only you were here to see
The desolation in my deserted heart
You were a soldier and I understood too late
Who was the enemy
(It was me, wasn't it?)