Truth is…

I am a private man who tries his best at showing public love;
chromed heart, leather lungs – aiming to avoid a plastic love.
When I fall in love, you’d know, when my words are so tied
up; stringed lips, blurry eyes, and a sponged mind – praying
I don’t easily absorb everything that’s noxious in my life…

And like when your WIFI is low; in desperate times, is when
I start to use my resources so well – resorting to digging away
at my pride, digging to find those quenching waters; a demure
self from a humble well; I find it hard to be well with my own
character development; for as you reveal on all your personal
struggles, some wish you well, and the rest just goes, oh well…

As for right now, I am a man with every decision being made
with a good prayer in mind; respecting all of the days at heart;
it’s through His love I’m still alive, despite these various odds,

I still have this life, thank God!

If you have come to seek
Only consent & acceptance,
You will be poorly received
And denied at the entrance.
You come only to take
What you think you are entitled to,
As though it were not valuable
And as if it were freely offered.
In what you ask
There is no promise of reciprocation,
No hint that you will be grateful.
In your hunger for it,
The only guarantee
Is that you will want more.
You share no contentment,
No happy acts or jovial gestures.
The best thing for all of us
Is to deny you of our goodwill,
Perhaps it will cause you
To grow up
And be more mature.
If not,
It will at least mean the stability & security
Of our happiness & freedom.

Where would I be without that smile of yours?
Where would I be without your guiding words?
  Where would I be without your stabbing swords?
   Where would I be?

    So maybe in some other universe, everything would be right
     And I'm holding on to something, but it's one thing
     And I'm holding on with all my might
    So maybe in some other universe, things would be alright

   And I know I'll never forget you
  And in my stomach it'll never sit right
And God, I hope you know
How much I loved you so

That I choose to remember you
Despite the way you hurt me
Does not mean anything
But to appreciate how you taught me to heal

I choose to remember you
Not by how you left me
But by how you taught me to never abandon myself

I choose to remember you,
Not by how you broke me
But by how you taught me to rebuild myself

I choose to remember you
Not by how you dimmed my light  
But by how you helped me to shine

I choose to remember you
Not by how you kept me trapped in a place of comfort
But by how you empowered me to leave my comfort zone

I choose to remember you

Not by how you left me feeling weak
But by how you taught me what it means to be strong

I will always remember you
And Not by how you tried to control me
But by how you taught me to be free and trust myself.

I choose to appreciate you
Not by who you told me who I was or what you called me
But by how you taught me to define myself and trust myself

And above all
I choose to remember you
Not by how you were unable to love me
But by how you taught me
To love myself.

Rather than a whole cake,
a small slice & black coffee would be nice.
There is top tier enjoyment --
from the limitation, balance, & appreciation.
Sure,
You might not have it all,
but you can savor every bite.
You might sip the drink’s bitterness,
so you can cherish the sweetness of cake
as if the first time each time.
To be grateful & contented— it’s just lovely.

Haven't set up an alter
In I dont' how many moons
The few times I tried
I truly knew the futility of it
And understood
That security, for me, is fleeting


Just another thing
That seems so easy for the others
Oh no dont applaud
My  baby brain  for its
Whining,ll just make it worse
So the other day after
I snatched the sage you left
For me outside your window sill
(Thank you btw)


I instinctively started
Making YET ANOTHER ALTER
Then broke down for the 5th time that day
"How could someone like you ever deserve a home"
Then I had remembered  
That Im not allowed to
Have a safe space

I'm a drifter
Pushing the limits
My health is at risk
Every minute
No one to care
Whether I die or live  

Sitting on my hands
In a thicket
Praying wishing waiting thanking
God that I woke still broken
Throwing up stuff
Everytime I tried to move

Hunger
Hurt
Thirst
Hate
Anger
Thankful
Stay low
on your toes
Heatstroke
Dryheave
Please No
Please make it stop
Oh god here it comes again
My Sweat drips endlessly
Chiggers bit my skin
So it wont quit itchin'

Bites that bother until next week
Typical....
All I want is a place to hang my hat
Or hopefully lay my head without trip wires surrounding
Me
All I want is to oggle my alter and call on my angels and my God
Without being on constant alert
Watching my own six

Bc your own brother will turn on you
Don't get comfortable
Dont relax
Dont unpack
Dont believe
A ******* thing they tell you
Prove me wrong then

Haven't had a mfr not turn
Haven't seen anyone actually keep their word

And why cant i set up an alter without it being destroyed?