I'm still glowing
with the light
you instilled

a single flame in my heart
illuminating
the hollow that remains
where you used to be

wavering at times
but never ceasing
though the world threatens to ***** it out

and though you are gone
I still glow

Are they connected by a red thread of fate?

Or

Is it written on the palms of their hand?

I keep reading
lovely tributes
to grandparents
especially
to grandma
it seems

I smile
sometimes
a tear
then a tug
remembering wishes
remembering dreams


I remember
kids at school
"headed to grandma's"
at the end of
school days

going to see her
going to play

I remember
my yearning
when
hearing about
the cookies she made

the stories she told
the hugs she gave

It might be
grandma
or nanny
or gran

they rang
in my ears
as I wished for
my own to listen
and understand

those names my lips
wanted badly
to form

my tongue to
taste
cookies
fresh and warm

my arms wanted
to hug her
tight

as she hugged me
back just right

my fingers ached to
brush
fine silver hair

as I'd rock
there in her chair

to tenderly stroke it
away from soft eyes

perhaps
as blue
as blue as the skies

my heart wanted
to say
I love you
grandma
I love you, I do
and
one day
I'll write a poem
just for you

Nana
Your skin was so thin
your structure, so frail
but your mind so available
like a puppy
down a trail
You would hold me close
my red hair and skin pale
I miss the smell of liquorice
that was always so stale
But I wouldn't care
because your presence was fresh,
calming
exhale
Every night
bedside
an enlightening tale
And your grasp so warm
at night when I'd wail
for my mothers absent touch;
your love purer than hers,
consistently,
without fail
So I hope you're watching
Nana
and know
my love for you
will always prevail

I remember that day so vividly
The day that I had to say goodbye

A phone call is what woke me up
I knew what it was about
Before I even answered
The tears already started to fall

Driving carefully to the hospital
My heart in pieces
I tried to compose myself
But everything felt uncontrollable

The first person I saw was my dad
I had never seen him cry before
His eyes all red and puffy
Still he led me to the door

Everyone in the room
Tears run down their cheeks
The only sounds I could hear
sniffles, whimpers, "Why did you have to leave me?"

Holding my grandma carefully
Her sobs and cries filling the room
She wouldn't let go
I don't think she'll ever let go

It was time for them to take him
Time for us to get up and go home
I couldn't bare to watch
My poor grandmother let her lover go

We left the hospital
And approached her house
The hardest part of all
She broke down before reaching the front door

We all sat huddled by the couch
Comforting my grandma
But all I could think about
Was how I just lost my grandpa

Days and weeks have gone by
We still visit him constantly
Decorating his grave ever so sweetly
Playing his music, knowing he's singing along

Certain songs remind me of him
Movies and food too
We talked about sharing music
While he shared old war stories

I always wonder if I'll see him again
Or if he's watching us from above
Probably playing tricks on us
Perhaps sending his love

I always think about him, never will I stop
My heart will always cry for him, I love my Papa

Another candle on the cake
Another wasted year where nothing has changed
Ya know, when I was younger I thought by this point
I’d have my whole life arranged

“How’s the birthday boy” they ask
They’re not too wrong, you see
If I’m 22 two years old
Then how come I’m only half the man I used to be?

You asked me how I am?
Well, what am I supposed to say?
“Can you supply me with a basic, depthless response?”
I think that’s what you meant to say

Because if I told you how today makes me feel
You’d wonder why I’d have the gaul to ruin Your day
You’re here to celebrate
Whereas I’m here to entertain you until you go away

But Grandma, if you really want in
On today’s daily dose of looming existential dread
Let me blow out the candles first,
And then I’ll let you inside my head

They say when you blow out the candles you’re supposed to make a
wish
And every year- for as long as I can remember
I’ve had but one wish
That always goes unanswered

I wish that someone could love me
And fix me
Put on a suit of armor to help me fight my
Depression and anxiety

I wish for a companion
Who would never rest until I loved myself as much as they love me
Someone who’d never give up on me
For absolutely no reason or rhyme

I’m so sick and tired
Of being so eager for these wishes
Knowing that there’s no magic
But yet, hopelessly begging there’s power in this tradition

But this year, Mary
I didn’t wish for any of that
Because I’m tired of hoping and wishing.
I just wish for it all to be over