The day so bright,
but i am feeling clouded,
gloomy is the area that surrounds me.
Uncomfortable in my own self,
i feel so confused,
lost,
misunderstood,
afraid,
but i smile through out the day,
proud of my achievments,
but my efforts are not admired,
a day so bright,
i am lost in its darkness,
who am i?
What am i?
I do not know,
but all in all failure strikes

this life 
and that love will always hurt
last night,

i anxiously desired to feel your skin 

once i felt you graze my back 
all the passion filled me again.

these walls you built 
are becoming increasingly aggressive

i want you 
but if this is the cost

long term it is too much
you wouldn’t understand

but i know whats wrong, 

it’s not your face 

it’s not your personality

it’s not your kind eyes

i want 
to be loved 

i was at one point 

but it left me too wrecked, unfixable.
baby you’re incredible

you should never lose 
the love you are capable of giving


i just don’t believe 

i don’t’ want to &
drugs are predictable 

i know she will never change

you see you, are unpredictable

whether you love me today 

doesnt mean you will tomorrow
i have found the love i am capable of being with

now go and find somebody who loves you

our skies appear to be so gloomy
like they're always going to turn into a storm
a storm that will swipe the hopeless thoughts away
i used to look at life differently
i used to not look at life at all
but now i see clearly
the splattered like paint that are our eyes and clouds
the merged shapes and lines that are our houses and anatomies
i know now that all this will pass by like a blur
like it always does
my father tries to spend as much time with my little brothers
when i refuse to, he says
when they've grown up, i'll miss their little selves
oh, i can't guarantee i will
but i do think that he does this
because i've grown up
and he's left to miss my little self
because the people i don't recognize at reunions always tell me how big i am now
and he smiles the same smile every time at them that they seem to understand
and then he shoots me a very different one i've yet to understand

Those November days I ought to know so well;
How they might often pass like a quick breathe,
Amidst you at once, and soon leaving nothing left.

The puddles after storms would emerge standing swamps;
And the cloudy sky would cast a constant haze.
Around, silently, life would go on, for countless days.

My journal would saturate like that of one
A bard weeping who had cried upon
           Just a mild tune to cast a moment away.

It hit like chronic to the lungs, sharp,  blissful pain. Reality My daily dose, chalk full of excitement, pleasure, and vigorous torture.  
I am defeated. I am shattered.
My head plays like a grimy ***** with bad shots. My affection is a void of self loathing and set on fire by pity.
The smile I use masks the pain of my true self, for the most troublesome people, bring the most joy to the world, for if they cannot be happy at least the others around them can. I will not apologize for whom iv become. No one has apologized for making me this why.

in a town of darkness
she shivers and shudders in fear
afraid that the monsters lurking within her
would keep her captive
and she would never be able to taste
happiness
again

I didn't know that the weatherman would be so literal
The rain has fallen for the third time that week, typical
Left me quizzical
My mood was just like the weather, miserable.
Leaving this town would be a miracle.

(s.a)

The sweetness of honey.
The coolness of breeze.
The death in your eyes
Doesn't scare me.
The bright light is gone.
Its dark in the skys.
The scar on your face.
The black gloomy night .
I'm here now and then.
The blood in your hand.
The light in the dark
Has gone back to dim.
And now that you know
That one life is gone.
You turn and you flee.
Your mission is done.

I can see her smile
But no longer feel it

I can feel her touch
But no longer sense it

I can hear her whispers
But no longer heed her voice

I can feel her cold skin
But no longer feel her warm skin

I can feel her heart
But no longer sense her soul

I can hear her heartbeats
But no longer read her pulses

I can taste the bitterness
But no longer sip the sweetness

I can believe that she’s gone
But no longer conceive that she’s dead

I can no longer see the light
Because it got dimmed the day she died

I ask and you say nothing
You only tell me when it's late.
And the same thing kept repeating
Until I stopped and said no more.

You'd pass by me like time
And easily see right through me
Guess that's what I deserve,
To be treated as nonexistent.

Was I the first to avoid? To ignore?
I was always there for you.
I was your blue curtain
Now I'm just your dusty shelf.

I changed because you told me to
Followed the tracks to who you are
Now that you see what I've become,
You left me longing and wondering.

Here I am now, silently watching
As you enjoy; grinning and laughing
While I'm hidden in a faded corner,
covered in dust, insane and crying.