Indestructible


I can no longer be…indestructible…
I have tried so many times.
I told the truth and I heard the replies…
They were always lies.
I tried, oh how I tried, so many times…
But I can no longer be…indestructible.  


If love is all I have to give with nothing in return,
Then why must I give my love away when love only ever burns?
Love should be so much to give,
But all my love is worthless, it seems.
I am losing my empathy
And my understanding.
Losing my plan A and my plan B.
Losing when I should be winning...


I can no longer be indestructible,
For I am made of glass...
I can no longer be...
Indestructible.


(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

My heart alone to break.


I cannot see the signs, so tell me; let me know.
I cannot see how you feel in time to stop you needing to go.
I only wish I could serenade you, but that can never be.
I only wish that you could one day love me,
But that is only fantasy.


The reality is I am not good enough to be loved by somebody so fine.
The truth is mine, the secret heart I hide.
These feelings I keep, deep down inside,
Will forever stop me from being with the woman I truly like.
I cannot, I never will, I couldn’t speak the words;
Those that only my heart can create.
I wish I could, I really want to,
But I only have dreams that break.


In the end, love is just pretend.
Nothing based on anything more than illusion.
So I remain without a girlfriend,
Existing inside a delusion.


One way love does not exist.
It takes two to kiss.
My heart alone to forever break.
Do you even notice?
I fall alone to shatter into pieces;
Regrets are all I have left, as you are my lost witness.


(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

All those love songs.


What is the point?  
Get to the point of all of this.
This love that I have to give, I cannot give,
Because nobody wants it.
It holds me back like a world on my back;
At last I think I can just relax
And then it all comes crashing down…
I am flattened into the ground,
Forever falling,
Forever falling,
Forever falling further now.


Now I see a light shining up from beneath,
But it is just a place to be.
Just to exist.
Just to be left waiting, in purgatory,
Leaves me contemplating, forwards or backwards,
There is no difference.
I am inclined to never try again,
But then my stupid heart kicks in with its two cents,
For what it’s worth…


I feel so worthless and helpless, when I think about her.
Her beautiful mind is what I hoped to find,
But all I ever get in this life is lie after lie
And I am denied, so I lie down to cry or sing,
Those sweet songs of misery.


Those love songs that go on and on,
About how she will be loved…
But I have cottoned on;
They are just plain wrong!
All those love songs,
She will never hear me sing…
All those songs.


(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

You're no longer the person I knew
Or the person I fell in love with
It breaks my heart to think that when the love between us ended
That was the last time I'd ever know you again
The moment it stopped you became a stranger
But worse than that, you were a monster
I was beyond close and intimate with you
We were walking side by side through life
Only for you to dump me
Nothing more than trash is how you treated me
And I hate what you became, the words you said to me
I fully hate who I am now and regret so much of my life
I lost my best friend
And I miss them
But they're dead and can never come back
**** do I miss them
What's wrong with me?
I just need someone to tell me it's going to be okay
Because my words are meaningless to myself
I just need someone else

Such a loss, to me, not you.


In need of being loved; in need of a hug.
In need of somebody; somebody to love.
Alone now so long, I haven’t had to say goodbye in such a long time.
I can’t remember what real love feels like;
I have no memory space left for it inside.


You are all welcome to all the love,
But nobody can have mine,
Because I am so far removed, from any kind of love life.
I have already rolled those furry dice, one too many times
And now I just do not have the will, to keep on rolling snake eyes.


The risk is no longer worth the reward.
The chance is not in my favour.
I am at odds with the world and even if I was only ignored,
I could at least understand that kind of behaviour.


All the love in the world, I could have it inside my heart,
But it is worthless in my hands.
Love is useless to me and far too hard.
Too hard to find; too hard to keep.
So easy to lose, this stupid love thing.


So no longer will I try and no longer will I want.
No longer will I go in search of love; it is time to finally stop.
You can tell me anything…
I am no longer listening.


(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

Falling away


The same day again, I wish it away;
I found a new way to live with the pain.
Leave me alone I’m happy here,
Inside this maze of life and fear.


I found a new way to please myself;
Without your love, I can be something else.


I don’t want to stop myself from falling away from you.


Falling away,
Falling away,
Falling away,
Is my only way to be saved.


(C)2016 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

Beauty is fading from my eyes.


I have become empty of all those feelings for love;
If this is all there is in a land without feelings,
Then why should I keep searching,
For a thing I have never really touched?
The unattainable wish has begun to disappear.
Without a hope to hold onto, my future no longer seems so clear.


That image I held inside my head for so long,
Has vanished with every spilt drop of blood,
That has fallen from my eyes.
Those tears for love’s pain,
That I had always wished to so soon be gone,
Are my only memories of that thing we all want;
But I have lost my fire, I have lost my desire and all love I now despise.


Banish this wish from the hole they call my heart.
I have no name for it, or use for it,
Since it’s needs are now fading like a dying star.
Once so noble and so bright and so strong;
Love is now an unknown beauty,
No longer moving within the void that they call my heart.


I can take her into my mind, but too soon she burns away like a candle;
As my love ages, it is already dying, but once it was too hot to handle.
A thing I cannot grasp, without being burnt by deceit
And then I must become wrapped up inside their minds of lies.
My eyes seem to be changing from bright blue to grey,
To match my withering mind.


Time is taking my life, one day at a time;
My destiny is approaching so quickly,
That I cannot hold onto a dream of a better beloved Amy,
Because it has been removed from my memory
And all my needs are becoming more about who I can be,
Not who I want to be.
Now the lover I used to need is always seen walking away from me.


I used to want it all, but too many times I have tried to climb that wall
And when all I need is a new way to go through an open love door,
All I am left with are my lonesome, broken, thoughtless pieces!
My shattered heart is scattered across the floor.


There is no way out of this life that I have lived;
Once upon a dream so big.
I now hide beneath my nothing, because it is all I have to give
And it is all love deserves for the way it has treated me.


My black hole for a soul, has no *** of gold,
At the end of my never before seen rainbow.
For I am cursed, without a vision, to be alone;
In a heart that cannot live, without a daily step into the unknown.


I need an endless set of surprises,
But my love life remains the same…divided.
When all I am in need of is a simple kiss,
I am left to imagine my closed eyelids.


There is nothing between now and then,
But the motion’s that I must go through, without.
Because I can no longer see any chance of love;
I cannot see beauty,
So I can no longer believe.
If nobody can be true to me,
Then to love I can no longer remain devout.


(C)2016 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

With or without


Sitting on the edge, looking for a way out;
But there is no way to escape the darkness that exists inside a head.
Not saying a word when all you want to do is shout!
You have already purchased a wreath for your six foot bed.


Tried to make a change, but we are all stuck in the same rut;
Nothing will ever change for those who choose to give up.
The silence is deafening in this void we call a life.
No contact with another human being,
So nobody can trick us with their lies.


Alone and unhappy we sink beneath the surface;
Down and deeper we are forever falling.
Deeper, down, so no hope for us to make a wish with.
With or without me, what would you be left thinking?


(C)2016 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.