I sit in my room crying at night
because you no longer care what's right
Me having faith in you, made me a fool
You putting me through that was cruel
I used to think that things would be fine
but this time you crossed the line
I no longer have faith in you
You went back to him but what's new
After everything he has put you through
you still go back to something that isn't good for you
I hope you're happy with the choice you picked
You made me see that you'll always be an addict
You have no idea how you make me feel
Half the time I don't even know how to deal
I don't know how to deal with this aching pain
I just wish it would all go down the drain

Dust ‘n’ bones


I’m a creaking; rattle my bones.
I fall down deep into my hole.
I have no other place that I can go,
So down I sink, when I get home.


Falling down never felt so good;
But my head is empty of love and my body has given up.
I’m too tired to try and earn your love,
Because I am now an old man, who is as stiff as wood.


Legs ache from trying to find my way.
Head ache is back again.
So heavy is my ball and chain;
Memories drag me around in circles and there is no escape.


No sun; eternal night.
I do not have enough strength to put up a fight.
I have accepted my final demise.
The undertaker has me in his sights.


Burial plot I bought a long time ago.
It never shines, it’s covered in mould; it is my hollow.
I’m too far gone to be heading back home
And where I will end up, nobody knows.


Broken thoughts and the trust is gone;
I have no wife I can depend upon.
Never raised a daughter, too old to ever raise a son.
Mind is being blown by my own extinction.


Grave robbers only find dust ‘n’ bones;
There is nothing left to steal from me.
All is gone…now they have taken my soul.


(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

you say you know me,
but do you know how i feel when i see you?
do you know the pains i get?
do you know the guilt that brews in my gut?

you say you know me,
but do you know what i look like at 2 a.m.
as i cry into my dingy white pillow? do you
know what i look like with dried tears on my face?

do you know the long walk i take to the
bathroom as i search my mother's medicine cabinet
for a pill or razor that'll release the pain you bottled
up inside me? do you know why i'm an alcoholic at fourteen?

you don't. because you don't know me.
and i don't think i know you, anymore.

The pain has begun to burn a hole straight through my chest,
It stings and sizzles as I try to smile, slowly crushing whatever’s left of this thing I call my heart.
The Waves of darkness that wash over me  cause this frail body to shut down, and exhaustion sets in, with the strong girl I once was long gone theres no chance for me anyway.
So please just let the wind sweep away my ashes, and let me finally be what i’ve always wanted to be...

Free.

They say I’m
               “Just some girl”
         but they don’t know me

   They don’t know
                               what I stand for
   They don’t know
                       what I’ve been through

   They don’t know who I am.
   They don’t know anything about me
                      but neither do I.

   Maybe I am “Just some girl”

   Just some OUTSIDER girl
   Just some ASIAN girl
   Just some PRIVILEGED girl
   Just some ANNOYING girl
    
                       I AM JUST SOME GIRL

   Just some girl who CRIED IN CLASS
   Just some girl who NEVER TALKS
   Just some girl who NO ONE KNOWS
    
Just some girl that killed herself last night and leaves you wondering,
                                 maybe she wasn’t
                                  JUST SOME GIRL

Suicidal tendencies;
Man are they hard to shake.
I guess its kinda ******* to wanna take
Ur own life
Away.
To me its just part of most days.
I look at living as a silly little game.
Constant effort to trasmute the pain,
To shut off my brain
So that I can simply
Exist.
A 44 n a flick if the wrist,
Or score sum more n slip into bliss.
Make sure she's got no sores on her lips
Before planting another ***** with that first kiss.
A vertical slit of the wrists
I've thought often of the many many ways
To cross off the list.
But really, when I take my own life
If i decide in a monent of emotional feedback so loud it drowns out my natural effervescence
It'll be from taking flight.
Cause u know how much I like to get high
N how hard
I *** down.
Ear to ground
Still listening for the secret
N searching for the sound.
I get lost n then found
Then lost
Again
I really don't have any friends
Just acquaintances
I don't remember what day it is
But I sure can feel the pull of the moon
I love these orange pressie pills, I start nibbling at noon
I used to believe in love, now my heart has no more room.
Desperate doom.
I'm such a romantic
That I'm incapable of loving humans any more.
More efficient to go ahead n make that score.
My heart like a massive tree house so many floors.
So many many ways in,
All boarded shut
If I was a girl they'd call me a ****.
Cause I **** every night, my ***** mouth n ****.
Cause I can never get
Enuf of love.
Thank god for drugs.
Why is it that in Alaska no one hugs,
Santa Cruz -- home of the pacifist banana slugs.
No more war,
I'm retired from battling
History repeats itself
Like a broken ******* record.
My past is checkered,
But not as hard as my future
I'm going in deep with the drugs
Working out all the bugs
In this new system.
Do u know what its like to b ****** on
By the ones fr above.
I'm smoothing out my pistons
Ready to race.
Beginning a new phase,
Where no one gets my heart, not even me.
A new start.
Now wearing the glove,
Cause I'm nearing the finishing lines.
I've definitely had
enuf of love.

As i live in a haze
What a daze to be
This grayscale of life
What drag to my existence

Can i not alleviate
My mind
Will my life always
Be torturous

Will i always have
This agonizing reminders
Failures of my past
To leave me awake at night

Can i ever make it stop
I just don't know