I breathe in deep.

And yet you keep
having me chase
the next as if a lungful
wasn’t enough.

in her clenched hand
she held a rose,
recently wilted

i saw its thorns
dug into her palm
like wire barbed


small and unassuming
gasping for breath
she had the heavy scent
of gasoline
each iris was a lit match
and she laid her gaze on me

let me be your fuel,
burn me down
and lament over the ashes

I'm on fire
I'm burning
I'm dying
I'm bleeding
I was careful
I was cautious
and yet
I'm still weeping
I'm tripping
I'm falling
I'm desperate
for something
to catch me
to hold me
to help me
to fix me
I'm gasping
I'm breathing
I'm drowning
I'm fighting
I'm six feet under
and yet
I'm still standing

Living with your depression
in that sphere of despair
is like gasping for air
becoming the dark pool’s possession.

A ocean,
an urge
A waterfall all ready to pour out.
But not a single drop trickles down.

It's all in
drowning
and swimming;
gasping
and breathing ;
emotional
and impulsive.

I am crying words,
but there are no tears.

An ocean;
an urge
A waterfall all ready to pour out
But not a single drop trickles down.
It’s all in
drowning
and
swimming;
gasping
and
breathing;
emotional
and
impulsive.
I am crying words,
for there are no tears.

I can handle the impossible- the scary, the dark, and the loneliness that makes you feel consumed in every room.
I can handle the feeling of never being good enough, the never understanding everything, and the anxiety.

I cannot handle the unknown- the do you still love me? the do you still think about me? the questions that never have answers no matter how much you want them.

I've been swimming up the current and swallowing all the water that threatens to drown me.
I have been running uphill screaming at the top of my lungs, gasping for that breath that will calm my heart down a little bit.
I have been trying so ******* hard and you are still hiding in the corners of my brain that shouldn't have corners.

I can handle the impossible and the anxiety... but I need to know if you love me still.