there's a game, that you always let me win.

the game that i want to lose,
maybe even just once.
but that never happens.

"i love you more".

- v.m

I say unto you with a sniveling snarl,

Will you go on and be friends with an owl?

Why, YES! I said boldly with a pompety grin

My new owl friend will be lucky and win!

He will hoot and toot a most beautiful song

He will win a singing contest and sing all day long

We will take all his winnings and spend it on mead

We'll sing, drink and be merry, indeed!

we'll capture a horse and dress it in tweed

then ride to the sunset on our horse named, "Sardine!"

Sardine might get hungry so we'll feed him some hemp

We'll lay down to rest on a bed that's unkempt

We'll wake in the morning to see Sardine's fate

Sardine has died from starvation this date

The sorrow we feel is so hard to beat

So opon his flesh we started to eat

w'ell pair it with taters all mashed in a pan

we'll eat up our dinner as fast as we can

but hold on a second, how silly are we!

We tripped on some mushrooms we found on a tree!

our minds started swirling and twirling; so dizzy!

my owl friend shrieked and then started to tizzy

he gouged out my eyes and laughed at my pain

I fell to the ground and made peace with my name

for I never did say from whence I came

cause stories like this are not easy to tame

I lay here in misery, my friend's not to blame

It's all in my head, this silly word game

You should know that I often fall in love with girls I play board games with.
Really, it's nothing personal.
It's just that when I get competitive, sometimes I get romantic
Someone once told me that they can't love someone until they've witnessed their worst, and I think you should know that I'm not my worst self anymore.
Breaking down isn't realness.
So for all that self awareness..
I am more of a coward
than I am a king
And I will fill my time with more ordinary things
Because I can barely stand the way all these feelings within me sing

ANu day dawned and
ANu it was gone when
my hand tried a Poem
like Poe's........... instead of
using my own,
ANu type of prose.

A spiral
A staircase
A long fall

How ever you decend it's always down,
Never do we see the light before we go,
It's forever darkness,
Never do we know what waits for us,
We think we know,
We hope we know,
Never do we get a chance to change our minds,
It's there it's easy once you've made the distance to get there.

What ever we do we decend,
I won't romanticise it it's not a decision we should make yet we do,
I won't tell you to stop because that will push you even harder than before because hell what do I know.

But I will say is this:

My mind is my prison
My body the vehicle I use
My soul the fuel
The decent my escape

Every morning it is there
Every night it welcomes me like a lover
Every time I close my eyes it becons to me
Every time I get up it threatens to pull me down

Yet I stand strong
Resting on the edge
Like running a knife across my throat hard enough to bite but not bleed
A damgours game to feel alive
To feel at all

A decent into darkness
A game we play alone