Sweet now, coldly and its freezing,
I can't explain the beginning or ending,
The inside gives me sour or sweeten
and the jaw drops of this beginning.

Wish upon a juice of this star,
as I wake up, a juice of a car,
Engine roars like a tornado
and smashes all near tomato's

My birthday cake,
anticipatedly wakes,
and all of the near-by presents
enthusiast quintessence
This little girl with her presence.

Memory garbage dump
Holding everything old
Aged releasing all

I've realized my brain
Swollen from decades of thought
Now, only wants now

Goodbye to the past
Earth quakes releasing the crust
Cliffs of synapse fall

My Nana always said I had good skin.
Fair skin,
littered with freckles ("Angel Kisses")
and soft with baby fat I've yet to grow out of.

I have my Mother's hair,
soft and red like blood spilt.
Strangers always gushed about how pretty it was.

Age has not painted me in a lovely light.

I wobble on tip-toes,
trying to reach the top shelf.
My fingers are stained with ink
                                          with paint
                                          with graphite
                                          with charcoal-

My nails are broken and soft.

This skin binds me to a history
I can't help but hate.
The mourning, the grief
The anger, the ire;
The desperate pleas to go back
                                     to hide away.

I'll listen;
I've always hated confrontation, anyways.

I can't rewrite my history,
nor can I turn back the needles on my watch.
So I'll rewrite myself instead.

I'll dye my hair until it's fit for a museum.
I'll burrow into my flesh and crown the wound with jewels.
I'll make my skin a canvas until you mistake me for art.

I'll do all these things
until I am lovely only to myself-
Until you flee from my presence
from the sight of me alone.

I'll remind myself its better this way,
as I surround my Ruins with those
who will gaze upon the spectacle that is my Self,
and weep-
Love unbound christen their tears and for Once

I am Whole

Don't search for me for where I am,
I'm not searching for where you are.

To that which you "belong."

Don't look for me to the future,
For I learned your histories & they are repulsive.

The records are detailed & long.

Don't give no magnification on my past,
For I have the details of your future.

Wrong is just wrong!

Our first kiss
Took my soul away
Your pink lips
Were claiming mine
Vanilla was the flavor
Your hands holding me
Scared as though I'd disappear
But I was already stuck with you
The silent gasps between us
Feeling your warmth, your needs
We had our eyes closed
But we both saw our future
You drew away, but it lingered
I was myself again
And you looked at me
With such loving eyes
We made a silent promise
Of always wanting more

Our last kiss
Was exactly the same
Claiming each other
The flavor, the breathing
Hands clutching desperately
The neediness, the warmth
The future we still saw
I drew away, but it lingered
You were yourself again
But you looked at me
With such heartbreak
We made a silent goodbye
But we always wanted more

When the scent finally fades
From the pillows and covers
When I can't find strands of hair
On my clothes and carpet

When I redecorate the place
To fill empty spaces
When the profile is deleted
From all of the subscriptions

When I buy fewer groceries
Just to make meals for one
When I change the locks
Carrying the only key

When I stop checking
My phone and socials
When I stop saying goodnight
Because there's no good morning

When I stop hoping
For a dream long gone
When it finally hits me
Of how different life is

That's when I will realize
You are truly gone

You long to return to a love you’ve never had.
A love that sits and wraps its arms around you—
Like a weighted blanket in the middle of the night.

The kind that seeps into a Sunday,
When the sun hits your shared coffee mugs just right.
The grocery run where his hand grazes yours,
And your heart skips like it’s never been touched that gently before.

The kind that leaves echoes.

You imagine them at the sink,
Brushing their teeth, half-laughing as they talk
Their voice, soft, tired, but loving—
And you smile too, even though no one’s there.

So here you are, chasing echoes—
Echoes that your soul remembers but you do not.
You can only imagine.

And still,
You leave the porch light on.
Just in case.

the abundance of possibilities
is making my stomach upset.
i feel like i forgot something,
i feel like i'm always catching up.
the ceiling is getting closer,
i think i'm about to throw up.
everyone's asking who i am
while i dream of a factory reset.

the sun's bleeding into the horizon,
the sun's taking its time to settle and set.
the infinite number of possibilities
is making my stomach upset.