These words that flow
Around my mind,
I try to appreciate,
I try to confide
These words with
My dear ones,
But often they are toxic
And burn
At the corner of my eyes.

These words that flow
Into my ears
Slowly fade into
My love and fears
Melding with the foundations that prop me up
These foundations constantly amalgamating
With the words of the surrounding world.

These words that flow
Into my eyes
Slowly pull me... aside
Deeper into
The darkness of my fears
Slowly into
A cold
Cold abyss.

And where your light shines
I'd hope to smile
But my smile is hidden
In the words
Left unspoken
Floating around my mind
Flowing in the cold of my eyes.

he’s so much more than meets the eye
he’s the scars on his body and how he will tell you the story of where they came from a million times
he’s his clammy hands and the way he will hold yours against his chest and grin when you keep it there
he’s the way he brushes your hair behind your shoulder as you speak
he’s his contagious laugh and how his eyes squint at the corners or the dimples in his cheeks
he’s his tight hugs and on his really good days the way he picks you up in his grasp
he’s his adventurous nature and the way his company makes you feel alive and at home all at once
but he’s also the way he shuts you out when he hurts you because he can’t face the fact that he did
he’s he fits of jealousy and how ridiculously he can act
he’s his urge to numb himself and his hate for life because he thinks it’s so pointless
he’s his bad days where you sit on the phone reminding him that he’s worth more than he puts himself through
he’s his snap decisions where he doesn’t think of the consequences of anything he does
he’s all of this and more
he’s intelligent
kind
handsome
reckless
amusing
good hearted
passionate
he’s perfect in his own way and i was in love with him
my god, i was so in love with him
still am really
but i can’t be anymore
two years later and i have to let him go
because i still have the small hope that i might get him back
that it wasn’t all for nothing
we feel unfinished, but maybe that’s just how some things end
i know i would go back to him at the drop of a dime because he was my everything and i miss him so much my chest aches
but i suppose some people just weren’t meant to be
i never fell out of love, i just accepted he wasn’t in it anymore and let it go
so this is the last time i will write about him even though as i finish this there’s so much more i could say
we might have been a mess
complete chaos really
but he made me feel safe and loved and important
i would never be able to thank him for all he’s done for me and how he’s helped me grow
even with the **** he put me through i always forgave and defended him, or tried to, because that was my boy and i loved him
he’s the best first love i could have asked for
he’s one of my best friends
he’s one of the best people i know
and he’s going to do amazing things in life and grow to be an amazing man

We were huddled up, resting in a vacant lot.
Her eyes singing to me a serenade of sorrowed
embroilment. She was a moment away from
being a glancing thought in my mind.

We collaborated on our misfortune, designing
what we could to rebuild. But the lot was vacant,
and everything we tried either subsided or just
collapsed in tattered folly of what was tried.

We, us, each other.. just weren't like that which
was built upon the understanding of the other.
*** holes had collapsed leaving vacant spaces
that we once filled together...

We tried to mend bridges but words washed
them away... we tried to hold each other,
but we were like magnets. Close but further than
we thought, she walked away, I just stood there.

Come on the highway
to the Moon let's go.
Take a turn to the stars
Without further ado!

Find what you can't express
and pin it down in words

Find what you can't see
and fabricate it in fantasies

Find what you can't feel
and embody it in adventures

Find what you can't speak
and let your eyes vocalize

Find what you "can't"
and challenge yourself

Find what you "never"
and take it a step further

Smokes and cigarette cartons all about the place.
Empty milk bottles and their stench brings back the taste.
My hell in the sky, bring my body back home to come and play.
Mommy, are you busy dying, I'm a little hungry today.

Sadistic little me, fancy sitting on a chair.
Crazy big you with the damp and messy hair.
Will you give me your attention, I can't make out your expression,
Over there?
I love you, please light up so I can sit and
Stare.

Kick down the door, it's gotten much harder to keep our spirits up.
I can tell that after this evening your a little down on feeding us.
You can't stand to see yourself and I treated here this way.
Could you tell me where you hid my toys, I'm a little bored today.

But it's hot outside.
and your skins turned pale.
He's off at work after beating you this morning and freshly out of jail.
Bruises clout your eyes as I remember everything.
We've been in this house since I can't remember when.

And I remember. I remember it all.
I remember when the bloodstains pooled and stained our kitchen floor.
I remember when your screams crept in and ran about the room.
I remember peeking through the doorway to see what had happened to you.

I remember.
I remember where we stand.
And I remember to this day, taking you there, hand in hand.
My other hand on my bottle, yours covering your face.
I remember those little words that i had spoke to you that day.

"Mom, the toast is done."

And like that, it all fell into a dream.
Life began to course that way into a ****** seem.
He walked out and you fell to the ground without much to say.
They came to the house and took me far and far away.
Life had then forgotten you and broke into your house.
He shot you without prerogative and let you bleed out.
Oh mother, answer me how can anyone get through this pain.
You lived another day just to take leave anyway.
You broke down.
In tears when you saw me again.
I put to you that I would always love you to the end.
It was 8 years later from when the toast had finished cooking that day.
You took to the bed at dinner, and your bible to go and pray.
And I felt your embrace smother me with warmth through out.
You were skint with your money and very prone when angry to shout.
Only fair to say I could see you crumble a little more each day.
Till the funny farm took you in and drugged your ****** mind astray.

Now I pray, only to myself.
That I won't leave your love at the doorstep and take it without doubt.
You may be more damaged heartland that failed to believe.
I find it difficult to find inside a heart for me.

And we broke out.
We broke into a fight.
Every word  I punctured further into you as the moon into the night.
I should have kept going I should have broke your spirit down.
I never should have pity for that heart you swing about.
Now I have a brother who was in the position I was in.
Now your bruised and he's telling you to be sure make for him.

"Mom, the toast is done."