All I wanna do is forget.
Every ******* word you said to me, every person who doesn't give a **** about me, every time you laid your hands on me, everything.
I feel the ***** burning as if runs down my throat.
But it's working.
Why be stuck feeling sad when I can  choose to not feel anything at all?

one: the first day my skin met yours god realized jesus was his one and only regret.
two: if i could untangle all of the veins in my chest, if i could make them stop strangling every last molecule of love i have left in my body, you would see the last words you spoke to me fall out of their crippled noose like teardrops.
three: will she ever love you enough to give you her lungs?
four: when she screams "**** me" before she comes i hope you hear me screaming "*******" the night you walked away.
five: i write words and stare at the letters. the arrangement of letters is a puzzling thing to me, the way these same letters that can hold so much hate towards you once held the same amount of love.
six: they say time heals all. well why didn't they ever ******* tell me what happens when i have a broken watch?
seven: i made the stars fall out of the sky like they were the moons teardrops for you on the 31st night of lying in bed alone. you didn't see it because you were catching her tears in your bed instead.
eight: you will still walk the same streets that i do from time to time and i hope you see a footprint that looks like mine and realize it belongs on your throat.
nine: you are nothing but a tragic, rusty, chipped nail. you are the nails that pin me to this cross. your palms once fit into mine but now there's only holes from these stab wounds.
ten: i thought about the time you said you'd never leave and it knocked the air you inhaled into my lungs the last time you kissed me right out. it hit me so hard two ribs broke. it was a tuesday.

Your
charming
looks
and sleek
personality
cursed my
conscious.
I was so overwhelmed you saw right through me where as I could merely only see the thin outline that contained what was inside of you.
But my outline
was
clear
which made it easier for you.
I could not see into your thoughts like you could mine, nor was your body language easy to read.
Weeks ahead of time I should have noticed what was wrong.

All you have proved is how much you still think of me.
After all this time.
Posting anonymous hate on the internet?
Talking about me,
Spreading rumours.
How grown up.
How big of you.
You must have really moved on.
Hah.

“I see her with ‘so-and-so all the time”
“She talks to this person”
She’s sleeping with them.
A liar.
Looking for attention.

I’m sorry that just because you cannot have a platonic relationship with a member of the opposite *** you believe nobody else is capable of doing so.
That really is sad.

I’m sorry that you cannot exist without the drama that you believe that is what everyone is also seeking.
That too, is sad.

But mostly, I am sorry that you cannot get over it, move on with your own life.
That is that saddest part.

I have moved on with mine.
I am happy.
I am me.
I am a thousand times better off without you.


Ps. I know you tried to visit but got lost.
(Always were a bit **** with things like that weren’t you)

The English vice,
Some Etonian curse –
Set down in grass
And purple verse,

Lavatory bred
With ransacked blood,
Skin slapping and
With a falling thud –

Takes boys at childhood,
Wishes them away,
With promises of popper fuelled buffets,

And poisons them with
Vice and virus red,
And sees them unmarried
Giving head.

I don’t regret a single thing I am,
I’ve tried it out
And can’t abide the sham –

I’ll **** men
And make them beg for more,
I’ll scrabble for their love upon the floor,

I’ll love men
And love will love me too,
I’ll love for love’s own sake
And when I’m through

I’ll die and I’ll be thankful that your hate
Never made me beg that I was straight.

*******
look in the mirror
you're no matyr or victim
you have the world to fear

i'll pull you off your cloud
with the noose of my own
the one i meant for myself
but **** the true colors you've shown

i've been fine without you
it's been done before
and you couldn't possible be
the only man i could adore

so go have your beer
or two or three
while i write a few lines
that sets this addict free

if these vows meant a thing
or if you care for me at all
you would have helped me back up
instead of watching me fall

so i mean this with all my heart
and remember it with everything you do
you pull what you pulled with me tonight
and i promise we will be threw
oh yeah, and ******* too

Remember me?
I'm the girl you sent away,
Cause you were afraid for your REAL children's safety!?
What happened to "You're our daughter now."?
Did I mean anything? I mean ****?!
And you!
Remember me?
I'm the girl you molested!
After you said I could call you Daddy!
*******
You knew EVERYTHING that happened to me as a kid,
You shoulda known it would **** me up more than I already am!
And you!
Remember me?
I'm the little girl you *****!
While you were beating my mom and me!
You were getting so high, you probably don't even remember me.
But ****! You remembered when your friends came over! So why not?
And you!
I'm the girl you gave birth to!
But you never gave a **** about!
You only cared whether you were sober or not,
Or if your supply was doing ok...
Do you know you have a son too?
Oh yea, you do... But like everything else in your life,
You scared him the **** away too!
So now I have to pay?
I've already given blood!
What more do you ******* want!?
Haven't I given enough???
I mean really,
I'm a big girl now,
And I'm still paying for your mistakes somehow...
But you couldn't care less,
Cause you got what you wanted...
Maybe child support,
Or just some ******* you started.
I Just gotta know,
Did it pay off for you?
You lost so much,
You almost lost me too.
I almost KILLED MYSELF.
BECAUSE OF YOU!
And now I'm going crazy,
I've lost **** too,
For starters, my virginity...
But that wasn't my choice.
But it's all gone now...
And I still don't have a voice.
Second, Blood
**** and lots of it.
I've bled and shed for you,
And you ******* love it.
Third, my mind.
******* thanks a lot.
It disappeared one day
while you were smoking ***.
Do you know what you did to me?
Can't you see?
What the **** is wrong with you?
CAN YOU ******* REMEMBER ME!?

You spoke those words to me as you departed from my sight. My sorrow overflowed, nothing meant anything to me but your words. I never got over you, Chelsea. It took me a few years before saying that didn't hurt, a few more to get the courage to see your Facebook page, and yet I still have no courage to say anything to you. I don't want  to be pushed away again, the fear of falling has left me flightless.