So this is still my long refrain
The 1st day of the 2nd month,
I'll turn from the stars and seek Saturn again
And bite the poison lit to my tongue
I'm afraid the shadows are long, racoons quiet in the brush
You better run,
I've outlived all of us
Are you afraid of the sun? Are you still afraid of the sun?
Are you still choking yourself lightly to feel the pain
The women in this family are strong, all the men are dead and gone
I've seen streets die and forests rise once more
I'm not afraid to hide in the brush
My shadow's the biggest of all of us
I'll light it on fire, I'll bring out the light
Nobody's dying. At least not tonight.

In an instant I've awoken, I don’t really see the sky
I know rain falls from it on the shingles time to time
Little tinny voices are my alarm set on repeat
And it makes me feel so sorry not to wake up on some
Coriander washed London street
Still the smell, our Petrichor perfume, sitting in the air
Reminds me of our mornings, taking in a winter dare

Where I’d not rise easy to rainfall in the bleak misty dawn
Listening instead, your breath against the pillow I now indent upon

I look at my hands sometimes
these old, battered appendages
this is how i see the world
this is how i feel
and they are weathered
scarred and hurt
but still they work
in pain and toil.

My hands are who i am
and they never will touch
you.

Mermaids cry with freshwater tears,
Dreaming of handsome sailors who do not flee in fear,
Or even mermen to share their dream with,
For mermaids are alone.

Sirens cry with silent sobs which no one hears,
For their voice,
Even lost and forlorn,
Would only entice further lovers to watery deaths.

Dryads tears drip heavy from leaves of great trees,
Their pain giving life to the forest,
Even as their love ensorcels their soul mates,
And their heart cries out the truth,
What is bound cannot be freely given,
And is forever changed.

You said you’d have me in five years,
You knew how I young I was then
It’s been almost ten
That morning we lay there.. Perfectly honest
Perfectly naked
And we knew that that was the end
But those visions never ended
Those nights never stopped
In my thoughts we were tangled
Like lovers who knew no end
Sometimes All I remember are your stockings
Sometimes I remember You trying take a better position
To feel more stretched up against my chest
But, what I remember most is the light and the skin
The knowing before the night began
We knew what we were
Hoping that we might be more
Than the morning

Now I can only dream about you
You have become my lesson
The other world
Another place
Hope in a desperate time
The secret that life is cruel
And in its cruelty I am its fool

Last night I dreamt we lived together with my mother
I spurned you as we sat naked, your ******* perfects still
Your stomach relaxed as you sat on your knees
Half covered
In sheets
And to my mother you ran
Ignoring me
Avoiding me when, like in a ballet I followed you
Following my mistake
Desperate to correct
The mistake I made in those days of youth

The tragedy of reason
The foolish responsibilities we feel we have
To those other than ourselves
You were my lazy lover
A lover for whom and with whom I was too young
You flowed over me with your passion
My passion was yours to have
And I gave it to you like it was all I had
Now I have none
None for life but ornaments
Ornamnets who are the trophies of second place

No facade elaborate enough
To adequately conceal
The inner-conflict
In which I am embroiled

No crooning of comfort
Can delivery me peace
Or forestall my mind's
Eventual unhinging

No foxed, tattered pages
Of forlorn loveletters
Strewn with stark promises
Can resurrect my will

My compass confiscated
My map of reason
Torn and trampled upon
My future at the mercy of shadows