what if I never forget you....
what if ten years go by and I still remember how your upper lip twitched in that lop sided way when you were confused.
what if I meet someone new but all I see in them is missing pieces of you....
what if twenty years drag on and I'm still stuck on you.
how you smelt of pine and whiskey, tears and regrets.
what if every night when I lay in bed I wish you were there beside me, holding me, feeling your heart beat against mine.
what if life gets away from me and I miss out on everything I want, because you were most of it.
what if I'm on my death bed, aged with gray hair and tired skin, and my last thought is that I spent my whole life loving you, even when you didn't love me back.... even if you left?

Time's a hateful friend
Gracious with chances
Until
When you badly need it

If ever we'll miss ours
If what we have sours
Then
Let me save the hours

Should my memories bleach
Or I be incapable of speech
Please
Know I'm still within reach

I never thought
I would forget her:
Her brown eyes,
Her curly hair,
Her warm hands,
And her voice.

A year of darkness led
To a realization:
I didnt have to hate her,
I just need to accept fate—
That I won't ever have
What we used to have

would it be easier for you
not to see me at all
would you like to forget me
even if not for the sake of moving on
just to make it easier
is it hard to have known me, loved me
and for everything to be different now?
yes

My insides smell like
Cinnamon

But taste
like
wilted

flower petals;
Dry,
bland,
Dead, gone,
Desaturated colours
in my pupils

I melt into a pile of ash in
The ground

With the rest of the infertile soil,
With the insects
With the lush green grass
and the birds
and their nests full of twigs
And chirps
And songs
And hums
And sounds
That echo
That resound
That stay
That fly

With the sky.
Buried with my name.

Until it turns to night,

Then the
moon
and
stars

come out

And
I

Hide

A

W

A

Y

.

There you go my beloved friend, I let you go
to the unspoken words,
to the unrequited love
to the embarrassments and the need to be right
between unsaid words and unmet eyes - I let you go.
I give you up to the embarrassment and the right doings,
What shall I do with the ocean of feelings I hold inside that I thought I will express them one day.
I thought volcanoes erupt flood gates open but this love of mine will die inside me
by disintegrating and killing me day by day hour by hour - paining me with its every shrink.
That’s what I hold for you. Alas, you will never know.

10-24-24   9:41pm

find me within the meadows, where the grass grows tall and birds migrate to escape winter

hear me between each verse of your favorite song, the one that replays and brings you peace

remember me like the feeling of nostalgia, how it sneaks up on you when you smell the scent of blown out birthday candles


I'm the laughter you dream of that echos off the walls
the bird song of evening as the sun sets
the ticking clock on your nightstand that never dies

someone you will never forget
even if you tried

moment of weakness, of carelessness
a scintillating sparkling spark and then--
"****!"

it all gushes out,
you poke and touch and squeeze
more. more more. addicted.
red brushstrokes in its wake, like Monet
wave the finger around to strangers!!

someone tells you to wash it off
the blood dotting the silver band, the written pages of scribbled font
not the right time, not the right person.
so they say, so they scrub with soap
--i'm taking it all back.

it stings now, doesn't it?
the shame, humiliation mixed in.
can't even twitch without the hissing pain
war veteran or loveless child
lethe, oh, lethe.

brush away the wilted petals from time to time
fine, it only hurts when you remember how
but the scar lingers--will linger.
as a teenager longs for soft eyes,
i do for you.

My brain operates like my messaging skills
Typed out my heart.
Deleted every word.
Forgotten.

I suppose I should cling to what I feel
But the moment they surface they feel
Too unreal
So I delete them from my head
Watch them until they're dead
Forget that it's ok to feel