no one was here and i become so lost and unsure of where to go
i danced with death because it promised me it was here
i held out my arms and let show the scars, i said, see, i have been waiting for so long
and death embraced me so tightly and promised to never let go
and its words were the only thing i could trust
so i said okay and i gave in
you've always been here, but i was just scared
yet now your arms are the last and only ones i desire
i said, i'm not loved
i said, i'm not needed
i said, i'm not wanted
i said, thank you for wanting me
i said
we both finally got what we wanted, in this long rollercoaster of a finale

This has become the home stretch of one of the longest games you’ve ever played. The ball is my heart, and the bat you call your hands have squeezed every last game out of me.
I am worn out.
But I can make new flesh from this lesson you’ve taught me, and I will no longer need to miss you to feel alive.
I will no longer need to break my own heart by watching you channel the energies I bonded with chemically to another person just so I can feel something.
I will no longer find myself laying in bed at 3 am half asleep and expecting you to be doing the same and thinking “I ****** up, I need her.”
You did **** up, you do need me, but you don’t deserve the love I have to give.
The love that could have taught you how to swim, helped you gather the courage to face your families judgements, helped you graduate and make something of yourself just by showing you how much I believed in you.
I am making new flesh, shiny, durable flesh that you can no longer attach to, the port you used to own here is closed forever. Sealed off by respect for myself, by my family, by the thousands of other ports I opened when I was broken. You are no longer a relevant place for me to charge myself.

I suppose my final thought is as follows,

I do not regret you, your love taught me that there can be love, there can be a light that resonates within two hearts at the same time that can burn you if it’s squeezed by too much pressure.
That the light can die in one person and not another and the pain that person feels is because they are missing some of their light, and darkness is what actually burns.
That the light within me can be touched by others, and some of them can dim me, while others can enlighten me and make the light grow so big I have to share it with others. Babies can help grow the light inside you exponentially with their smell and soft new skin, similar to the new skin I have created for myself.
I will always, without a doubt in my mind, remember all that we’ve done, all that we promised we would do, all that we never got a chance to do that became frozen in time like pictures lost in a blazing fire.
I will love you forever, but you can no longer stay. You can no longer travel through the realms of my mind, and taint my memories with pain.

You cannot spill paint on my poetry.

You cannot exist here anymore.

This is your finale my love, it's time you take your bow.

I walk with weary eyes
Tired of seeing, no longer willing to hear
My head spins from the smoke of your conflagration
Burn me down from the inside out
Lungs of ice trap the filth
Make sure the essence becomes my own
I try to scream but cough out words of rancour
A whirlwind of smoke and embers
My ashes block the sun
Nothing can grow here

Millions of specks
Millions of people
Scattering
Scampering
Ever moving towards the light
Is there light at the end
Or is there only dark
Hearts keep beat
Breath keeps time
Our body
A finely tuned orchestration
Ever crescendoing towards the finale

You pull me closer
with your magical love
like a magician
doing his brilliant magic

I give up,  disappear,
lose my mind
as if I am yours, for
finale in your room