#fault poems on Hello Poetry

Hi people May 2018

It was New Years Eve
I messaged you
Saying my depression was rearing its ugly head once more

And then you messaged me
You said you were sad too
Your family was telling you to move out again

Saying you're a worthless 13-year-old
That you're nothing
And no help

I told you that I wanted to take you away from there
And you said that you'd like that
And we continued talking about our feelings

How we felt
How you are wanted
Even if you don't believe it

You wished you could restart
Reset your life, you said
Do everything over again

I tried consoling you
But you kept contradicting me
Said that you didn't want to hurt anyone

You said you felt empty
I said that I feel the same
You said you felt nothing

I suppose I should have understood then
You said you felt nothing
I should have realized that included me too

You wanted to ask me something
I said go ahead
You said it would hurt me

Hurt

Me

Huh
It should have been obvious

I said I didn't care
I said if it meant you feeling better
You should hurt me

You started backing out
I kept telling you to ask me
I kept pushing you

You first asked if my feelings were different towards you
I said of course
My feelings only grew stronger

You told me
That that was a problem

I didn't understand

You told me you felt different
I said I'd help you

You told me that I wouldn't understand
I said I'd try, learn, support you

You became unsure
Said it was destroying you
But it would hurt me

You didn't want to hurt me
But I kept pushing

I said that I had been hurt many times
That I'd get over it quickly

I was so wrong

You said it would take me a really long time
Years, even

You were so right

You asked me to guess
I wasn't correct

You kept saying it would hurt me
That you didn't want to
You didn't want to hurt me

But I begged you
Pleaded
Telling you to hurt me, demanding it

You said you didn't want to
I gave in
Saying that I wouldn't push you anymore

You said that you didn't know
I tried making a joke
Because that's what I do

And you finally told me the thing

You said you just wanted to be friends

That you needed to be alone for a while

I remember tears
I remember shaking hands typing calm words
Trying to be as composed as possible

Said okay
I kept my word
Supported this decision

I guess you bought my act
I told our friends
They were all calm

Said okay
Moved on
So did you

But I didn't
Haven't
Can't

You were right

I am hurting

But I am not going to say anything

I remember crying
Going downstairs to eat
Seeing my aunt with her boyfriend

Jealousy
Putting on a smile
Laughing when I was supposed to

Watching the New Years kisses
Messaging my cousin
Facetiming for a bit

Messaging my mom
Talking to my sister
Getting in bed

Not sleeping
Opting for crying instead
Spending the rest of the break losing sleep

Crying
Crying some more
Seeing you on my birthday to see a movie

As friends

Popcorn, hands meeting

As friends

Walking you to your front door afterwards
Awkwardly hugging
Leaving not even pretending to smile

Pity from my mom
Until she grew tired of it
Started telling me to be happier

So I keep pretending
Even now

Although I talked about it a bit with our friends

I remember the feeling I get when someone mentions you

A sort of longing
A tugging in my gut, reaching for something
Reaching for you

Not getting you
Watching you from across the cafeteria

Wanting to force you back into my life
But never being able to

I remember a dream I had
I was on a date
And you were playing the piano at the back of the restaraunt

And you were jealous

And I was happy

Because finally

After all these months you finally show signs of caring

But it was just a dream

And I just want you even more

But I'll never have you

And it's my fault

This person broke up with me around 5 months ago. I haven't figured out how to deal with my emotions. Nor how to talk to people about them.

#breakup #heartbreak #story #fault #justfriends #vent

Kristina Weeks May 2018

Ramblings of One Who Was Hurt

This is it.
Exactly what I said.
This is where I turn and run.
I should’ve known.
You warned me.
You told me what you were.

God I’m so ******* stupid.
I put you on this pedestal that I was too afraid to climb.
I painted this picture in my mind of who you were supposed to be.
Made you what I need.
I was content.
I was safe.
You were perfect.
I’m awake.
I expected too much from you.
I set you up for failure.

I get it now.
You were right.
I was scared of hurting me.
Not you.
I lied.
Right to throw up those walls.
They wanted to

crumble

so

fast

to let you in.
Let you see this part of me so I could be free.
Now look at me.
Falling to my knees with your hands around my wrists telling me to get up.
Please.

I’m a ******* fool.
What a ignorant naive shambling corpse crawling around toward the first ray of light.
A ******* fly fumbling toward a bulb believing it was the sun.
Oh how I crashed into that glass.
What a pitiful ***** so ******* feeble frail and forceless I can’t even stand on these legs made of ash.

I’m not mad at you.
I’m mad at myself for letting myself do this
to me.
To us.
It’s my fault.
I shouldn’t have deceived you into thinking I was stronger than I was.
You can have it all.
My empire of dirt.

It’s okay.
The loneliness.
He’s always has been there.
He is singing to me and holding me
while I fall asleep.
The song.
It’s so morose but beautiful.
He welcomes me back with open arms.
“Come here” he says.
“I’ll never let you go”

I tried to tell you.
It’s too hard to truly love someone like me.
And just as I predicted.
The numbness is taking me.
Too strong to fight back.
It’s climbing down my throat.
It’s okay.
I’m choking.

It’s not your fault.
I did this.
Just like I said.
It’s sad though.
I just wanted a bit more time.

This all sounds really stupid.
Just another ****** attempt to articulate the feelings I have no control over.
Sorry.
This is me.
Just a walking talking damaged shell.

But It’s gonna be okay.
Because I’m still weak.
I’m still pitiful.
I still need you.
Yes.
The cycle continues.

#ramblings #loneliness #pain #sorry #cycle #numbness #fault

Tasyong Batsi May 2018

void

Nothing's in accord
So why not a sword
No one will hear
What then shall I fear
Nobody seems to care
So why can't I dare
There's not even an eye
Finally, a chance to fly
I'll put my blade upon my vein
This will be my final pain
A step or two from a building's ledge
At last I'll see my life on edge
Hanging from the gallows I will swing
After this I can spread wide my wings
Now my blood rushes over me
It's getting dark I can barely see
Little by little I'm out of air
What have I done please help me spare
The light I thought that I will see
Is actually darkness, it's consuming me
To call for help I want to shout
Rescue me, please take me out
I was deceived by my ownself's death
Plotting it was my biggest regret
Whom shall I blame, it is my fault
It is my sin that of hope I was short
It is my sin, It is my fault
It is my fault
It is my fault
Is it really my fault?
No one heard me when I was afraid
Is it still my sin that no one cared?
Nobody helped when I was frail and weak
Nobody knew that my mind and soul was sick
Is it my fault that I felt unloved?
That no one listened to my deepest sobs
These words are what I'm leaving here
Make this live, please make them hear
I may be forgotten, I may be missed
But one last request, let me now rest in peace

to ate Halen, no, it isn't your fault

#void #knives #pen #suicide #prevention #fault

sankavi Apr 2018

it wasn't me

it wasn't my fault
none of it was
yet somehow
you make me feel so bad about it
you make me feel like it was all me

it wasn't your fault either
i never said it was

it wasn't your fault
but it wasn't mine either

stop making me feel ****** about it
you make me HATE you

#wasnt #my #fault #none #of #it #was #yet #somehow #you

Mystic Ink Plus Apr 2018

Crafts Crash

While crafting living beings
The supreme showed sensibility
placing all the organs
in the utmost level

caged heart
covered brain
highly placed eyes
and, so on

The Perfect
As seen from the close proximity

Supreme might not have 2nd thought,
that
words can break the heart
memory can weaken the brain
distance can blur the sight

This day
would have been different
If had, once,
that day,
foreseen from the distance.

Genre: Rational
Theme: 2nd thought

#nepal #craftmanship #supreme #god #fault #human #hope #flaw

K Mar 2018

The game

My lapse
was that I cared
about the result of
the game.

#game #heart #love #broken #sorrow #melancholia #fault #blame

Nayana Nair Mar 2018

Lovable Beings

The familiar images of a girl with strength
and a guy with heart
and feelings that can be reasoned.
I found them everywhere in stories
but not in life.
Mostly they were just weak people
who learnt how to live with their heart.
And loved and let themselves be loved
with the faults that they had.
Here
people who were – what they were.
No love or devotion
promising to change them into lovable beings.
Especially when ‘lovable’ was defined
by people who didn’t approve certain lives
and certain love.
And the perfect image of love
and notion of the perfect people who deserved it
made me think of the emotions we cut from our heart.
Leaving us little more empty,
taking us a little more far
from the perfect life that we were told to have.

#approve #certain #cut #define #devotion #emotion #empty #familiar #far #fault