I'm not funny
Nor am I pretty
I'm not skinny
Nor am I beautiful
I'm not perfect
Nor do I long to be

I don't have a nice smile
Nor a nice body
I don't have silky hair
Nor smooth skin
I don't have a thigh gap
Nor a flat stomach

But maybe
Just maybe
I don't really care that I don't

Maybe
Just maybe
I've finally learnt to accept myself
For who I am
And who I am not

And if you're okay with that,
We could be friends
But if you're not,
You're more than welcome to walk away

Goodnight.

I want to scream


I want to melt


I want to *****


I want to breathe


I want to survive


I want to sleep


I want to dream


I want to be more than I have been the past few days


I want to eat right and sleep right and exercise


I want to start being able to think enough to write things that rhyme


I want to stop saying "I want" all the time


I'm sad.

No more woe is me, i am the creator of my destiny.rich or poor skinny or fat, full of talent or just a hack. No one's going to tell me what I can and can not be.

i struggle
thinking about the difference between reality and what i've made up in my head
sometimes i get confused about whether I'm real or...
- the obvious word choice is dead right?
but **** that because i'm not.

i'm so alive i can feel my heart beating all the time
i can hear my blood gushing through me
this isn't some 20 year old shyster declaring death
this is a tirade against every black cell in my glowing body.

i don't want to feel nothing
but i don't want to feel this:

a hopeless sense of nothing where you can't attach to anything
a feeling that you have so much to say but you can't get the words out
and you have no one to tell
a holding back of tears all day long until dark when suddenly
you feel ok again
but you have a sense of dread, because you know that it will be back tomorrow.
i wrote a ****** poem about the night for my english class and my teacher looked concerned
i told her it was a joke
because why the **** would i tell her anything else

every word i've ever written anywhere i want to erase
every single thing i've said i'm wincing at in embarrassment
if i could eat words i'd be fat, gorging on the humiliation that found its home in my vowels syllables nouns adjectives verbs and mutterings

i feel quite sick at the thought that it's only 13:51 and i have a whole life to lead.

Flesh, flesh, flesh, there’s too much everywhere!
No, I can't be seen like this
There’s too much flesh here
And here as well
I can’t weigh this much at fifteen!
Flesh on my thighs, flesh on my arms
I’ll never fit on the cover of a magazine!
flesh, flesh, FLESH!
I better use a razor, use a knife, use broken glass
Maybe the flesh will leak out, maybe I’ll be flatter
FLESH FLESH FLESH EVERYWHERE
How am I gonna be liked by the boys in class????
No no momma, don’t lie to me, I just know it matters
Flesh FLESH FLESH
ON MY STOMACH
THE ROLLS WHEN I SIT DOWN AND PLUMMET
Do you see it shake when I laugh too much?
No no no I can’t laugh too much
I can’t be happy now, do you see
I heard cigarettes make you skinny and poetic, momma
now don't you lie to me, momma, I'm going outside
I'll go have a smoke, with my FLESH on my sides
THE FLESH FLESH FLESH
It’s like acid, it burns like heartache
FLESH FLESH FLESH
I’m gonna make my scale break
No no momma, I’m not a pretty girl
No momma, this flesh belongs to the monsters under my bed
Who are turning into provoking voices in my head
Screaming FLESH FLESH FLESH
You disgusting little thing
You hog all the food, you hog all the space
You think you’d ever look good in underwear or in lace?
Disgusting little thing,
I can see through you dress
You are no-good-to-love case
I can’t love all of you
All that FLESH FLESH FLESH
My heart is not big enough to love you, girl
And all your FLESH FLESH FLESH.  
                                                              *p.t.