want a new addiction, want to fall victim
explain to me: why do dem females have similar names?
i was blacklisted and then i got promoted

all my poems were burned by me
and i destroyed all my novels, dramas and stories
blog entries, essays and term paperz...

and every time i closed my eyes, i stopped existing
the creature of the night, ******* of da city
fundamental, livin' under mental conditionz
chanukka and christmaz, gimme me three minutez:

imma be, stay and i'll have claimed my spot in it
no matter where ya at, anthony and antwone,
italo-africanz, meet dem boyz, cry, run, but die
no room for da shy, da law of the chosen few

8000 family memberz, nationwide and global
and don't they dare to fukk around -- we alwayz local

Dear Grandma and Grandpa,

How's the Earth looking from up there?
I bet you wouldn't even bother about the livings anymore,
I bet you couldn't wait for the Heaven; the eternity

Dear Grandma and Grandpa,

Forgive me,
For every time I see a butterfly perched on my window I always thought that was you missing me
Forgive me,
For every time I see a cat around the backyard I always thought that was you visiting and checking up on me

Dear Grandma and Grandpa,

Now I'm at peace, realizing that you are free from any physical pains;
As you are no longer burdened by your glaucoma or sudden heart attack
As your fragile skins won't have to be bruised when you coincidentally knocked on the table
As you won't have to feel headache each time you're overwhelmed by the thoughts of your family

Dear Grandma and Grandpa,

Still, it doesn't feel right for my brain to comprehend that
My childrens won't ever get to hear the warmth of your voices;
Tasting the overburnt eggs and noodles you used to make;
Watching your favorite old movies in the afternoon;
Playing with the wrinkles on your hands;
or making fun of your white hair

Dear Grandma and Grandpa,

I know you will never know about this
But I'm down on my knees
Silently pray inbetween the night and the dawn;
So that the angels will not be too harsh on you
In hereafter

The living sanctuary.
A corporeal embodiment of love.
Hope for the sinner
Safety for the fearful.

A place to keep and surround
Loving arms
Little footsteps
Sunday breakfasts
Kisses in the laundry room
Showers before bed

Protect this fortress of treasures
Each one different
Unique to the maker
For the den is dangerous
but not to the lion.

31 OCT 2020

Kymie

Brothers by bloodshed.
Family in truth.
With chains forged of trauma and war,
the knowledge of pain binds us in our loyalty.

Buried scars left unseen
Covered by smiles woven by unhealed wounds and broken souls.
Hollowed by the duty that compels us to hide,
We seek solitude when we should seek friendship -
because our training has molded sacrifice into our very flesh.

As we consider the wisdom to fight
and conjure the courage to keep breathing,
Your peace is our only consolation.
Our memories of you become our armor -
shielding us from the demons that brought you to your knees.

We wage this never ending war as one.
We stand with you knowing
That you did not lose this battle.
We fight on in your name
because, broken or not,
Our brothers never fight alone.

- Kymie
28 OCT 2020

Dear Mum,

You gave birth to me so you are my Mum.
You raised me so you are my Mum.
You taught me things so you are my Mum.
No matter what, you are my Mum.

You are my Mama
My Mutti
My Mother
and my Mum.

You make me feel bad and guilty.
You tell me what you bought for me and what you made me.
You criticize the way I look and control how much I eat.
You tell me when I gain weight and tell me not to cheat.
You say I am no good, when I do something wrong.
But you tell me you love me and that you only want me to be strong.

Maybe I have stopped knowing
What the meaning of love is.
Maybe this is just your way of showing
Thinking I'd give you cheers and happy tears.

But you tell me not to cry.
It makes You look weak.
You tell me to **** it up
And not to speak.

Whenever something happens you stand by.
You only watch while I apply.
Concealer and foundation to cover up.
On my skin another layer of makeup.

Covering up the signs of sleepless nights
Not showing to the outside what really happens at night.
The blue and purple spots on my skin
Caused by my own will and sinn.

You wonder why my brother never calls
Calling him ungrateful and starting new brawls.
Not with him but with me
Hating that he is living carefree.
Free from your words and actions
And free from your reactions.

You say that you have it oh so tough.
And that we give you a time that is oh so rough.
You always awake my sympathy
Making me a prisoner while you hold the key.

We should be grateful to have a mother like you.
That we’re not going through the same things you went through.
You are so much better than your own mother
And you most definitely are better than your own father.

You might not do the ***** work yourself.
But still I feel ***** hearing your words.
Manipulating me left and right
Making me shiver and cry at night.

I have nothing left for you than feeling sorry.
You could’ve done things different but instead you chose to worry.
Worry about your image and what people say
Too focused on having the perfect family image to portray.

In a few years I will be leaving this place you call home
I’ll finally be free and leave you to figure out your own syndrome.
And one thing I know for sure is that my life
Will leave you not being a mother but merely a wife.

You are remarkable
Don’t forget it

The world
May tell you
You are not good enough
to be there

But listen to the
Little voice in your head
Saying
You don’t need the world
You have you
And your tribe

A sofa for a family of four
A van out in the wild
A punk band on tour
Or eternally exiled.

Everyone has a place,
Or a kind of mission.
Whether they choose to run the race
Or live in defiant sedition

Is there a place for our song?
Somewhere within our purview?
Will I find where I belong,
And will it be with you?

You DON'T deserve a second chance
Your can't undo what's been done
You stole my things that are irreplaceable & were special to me
You have broken the trust
You cant undo it not this time
Even though your my daughter
I have to walk away
I am hurting
I can't figure out why
After all my pain in my life
You choose to hurt me
You broke my trust
I can't replace those
sadly you knew
and did it anyway
So with that
Your on your own
Broken trust
© Jennifer L DeLong 10/29/2020

Would you just shut up and listen?!!!!!!!!
Just, please... hear me and my vision.
Let me share my "invalid" opinion!

   I know you don't care, but I do.
I just want to be of importance too!
I want to share something I know to be true.

Can we have an actual conversations?
Not one that includes only your invasions?
I can't just sit here and listen to your expectations.

I am tired of being scarred
but you leave me charred,
and you make life so hard.

Please, just shut up and listen...