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Zan Apr 7
Is this the price I have to pay?
In order for the depression to go away?

My heart skips beats.
My skin glistens with sweat.
My legs go numb.
My hands start shaking.
My neck crawls with heat.
My head spins and spins.

Is this the price I have to pay?

This doesn't seem fair when I see the people around me.
My parents continue to ask me why I feel the way I feel.
I dont think they understand how much I want to be free,
Free from all of these feelings that feel so real.

Is this the price I have to pay?
In order for the depression to go away?

My breath is stolen.
My thoughts are taken away.
My brain is fogging.
My body is in constant pain.
My stomach screams for help.
My fingers are weak.

Is this the price I have to pay?

I dont want this, why do they always think I want these problems.
My silent screams are all I can hear curdling in my ears.
My mouth speaks but my insides holler.
My words and thoughts just get pushed down by my worst fears.

Is this what I have to pay?
All I want is for all the things to go away.
Zan Sep 2021
Is it stress?
Is that what keeps me tired?
Is that whats making me a mess?
Is that why everything backfired?

Is it stress?
Is that what makes me forget?
Is that what bounds me to my bed?
Is that why I always fret?
Is that what fills me with dread?
Makes me feel dead?

Is it stress?
Its just a me thing I guess.
Zan Aug 2021
its been so **** long
and im sorry
i dont think i did anything wrong
idk.. like... are we?
still... yk.
you didnt reply
so ig im just gunna go
but...why?
cunfuzled
Zan Apr 2021
Whens therapy starting?
Why?
Cause you make me hate me..
The truth?
Sometimes you make me want **** myself...
Zan Mar 2021
Whats wrong with me?
Why do I feel like this...
Dropping to my knees....
and tears dropping down into an abyss...

Why can´t I just be normal?
and ¨buckle down¨ like other people.
I dont want to feel awful..
and I am just a *******.

I can´t get anything done
and I dont understand why.
This weight on me feels like a ton
and theres nobody nearby.

I hate myself because...
I dont understand myself...
why I do what i do..
why i feel the way i feel..
why i think my thoughts...
... the sharp edges control itself...
*singsongy* iiiiiiiiiii dont likeeeeeeeeee dEpPppPrEssSssSiOoOonNnn
  Mar 2021 Zan
Kelsey
I just want to

Take off my mask for a bit

And feel

How it feels

To be me
Pretend
Zan Mar 2021
I long for the day...
That I can lay my head on your chest..
and you can play with my hair.
This will be when life is best..
when you and I can breathe the same air.

I long for the day...
That I can kiss you...
and hear your heart beating with mine
This will be when I can give you a hug anytime I need too..
when we can be together, finally, ill be fine.
the thought makes me cry
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