Today is the 29th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall.
I should know.
I had a report on it for my final last year.
Funny how that works.
Now it's stuck in my head forever until I forget again.

I know I will.
I always forget.
It's a symptom.
My ******-up head is destroying my memory.

I can remember basic things, but I forget things that occur.
I don't remember what I ate for dinner yesterday.
I don't remember what I talked to Blake about yesterday,
so I don't remember why he's mad at me.

It *****.
It makes me come off as uncaring when I forget these details about somebody.
That's probably why she sees me as uncaring.
That's not true.
I do care about her.
It's difficult to express for me.

I was raised in a way that didn't include the teaching of sympathy or empathy.
I know this sounds horrible, but if my dad left, I wouldn't be sad.
I wouldn't be happy either, but I wouldn't be sad.
He's already shown what he thinks of me.

I've never good enough.
I get a 4.0 for a semester and a 3.9 the rest of the year and I need to "try harder".
He's always telling me, "you're not trying," or "you're not listening", and I hate it.

How would he know about what I think and feel?
He's not me.
He's set on me being this perfect ******* angel child that I can never be.
He tells me that I'll never be able to pursue an art career and should focus more on studying than drawing.

I don't care.
I WILL be an artist.
I don't care how long it takes.
I'll be an artist and shove it in his face when I have my own studio and open a gallery.

**** the nonbelievers.
I can fly planes AND draw.
Just watch me.
If I don't off myself by then.

Performance
Perfection
Pour them in a jar
Shake it and give a rainbow mix
Add shine and  glitter ✨
Lose the jitters
Performance remix
Perfection in a jar
Colour fix

Whatever you say
I'm up to the task

I try but I know
I'll never be good enough

Realistic expectations,
Is that too much to ask?

Must be the best,
Nothing less
Than perfection

In everything I do,
I do it all for you
No room to fail with these 'expectations'

With every cut that's red,
With every bruise that's blue
I'll fall apart for you
For 'expectations'

With every tear I shed,
With every mask I bred,
There's nothing to be said,
I'm suffocating

The high bar has been set
There are goals to be reached
I can't stop until death
Either yours or one for me

Do you ever lie in darkness,
Wondering if you will be
The star of some great epoch
In books of history?

Do you ever fear you'll fail,
And let everyone down
That expected you to be someone,
Instead of to be drowned?

There are so many expectations
For you to change the world
To deny is to refuse
Your duty.

walkie talkie
boy like shawty
shy but naughty
but whose identity?
"that's so girly"
prejudice from early
10:23
who am I supposed to be?
pink fizz and blue drips
materialistic shizz and new kicks
is it that hard for me to fit in?
besides myself, I feel it heavier on my shoulders than ever before
who am I and what have I found?
three, how unlucky
egotistical, dependent, broke, dumb,
drop out of school kid
with dreams that are too big
still this age

You took a match to the expectations
I had for falling in love
And walked through my door
On fire