later, i will go home
and i will not exist anymore
just as you wanted me to be
i am mute and i won't have eyes anymore to see
to see you
and how we were
and what we wanted, what you used to want
i don't except you to come and find me
you've made it all so clear
that i don't exist anymore
no, i do not exist anymore

Sometimes I wonder
What would the sun do
if it wouldn’t give us light?
What would the moon do
if it didn’t illuminate the night?
One the eliminator of darkness
The other one makes it beautiful
We are all living with a purpose
Some know it
Some, unaware of the mysterious truth
Let’s face it
We are living a life of routines
Our days rushing one into the other
We are all ceasing without meaning
Existing, fading,
Waiting to be discovered...

I don’t know how to be normal and most times I don’t care
I could read for hours and contemplate the ups and downs of whats fair
But sometimes I feel a spark of despair
A deep dark longing or apathy beyond compare
Sometimes I feel like death would be grand
Who gives a **** if the normals wouldn’t understand
I get tired of this life and all of its pain
Of the suffering existence is a trifle insane
To walk through this life which is so **** mundane
What do I have to show for this trip but a broken heart and overactive brain

Sorry for existing
I want to say
but I know you won't understand
you'll try to fix me with your words
"don't say that, you are worth everything"
the only kind of worth I have stings when I try to wear it
I'm beaten and it's too painful to wear my scars today

Sorry for existing
I know I didn't do anything to hurt you
but I hurt myself enough to convince my worn down mind to let me
stay in under the covers today
"Just choose to be happy"
if I could choose to be happy don't you think I would have already tried that
my eyes are so tired I'm hallucinating
about a better time

Sorry for existing
your messages are pounding in my head like a migraine
"But you look fine"
Sometimes violent does not have a face,
only a stomach drop
an empty room
an emotionless drone
I can't cry out for fear my mind would hear
and lock me back in

Sorry for existing
Maybe I just won't for a while
"You don't mean that, pain is temporary"
No, I'll just rest and hope sleep is kinder.

Mentally growing
Beginning to know myself
Wasn't like a tree sprouting out of the ground
And me learning to nurture it to become one with nature
Growing felt like being made again
Shaped into a whole being
My mind felt morphed into its own womb
And started to develop true life
For the first time as I was escaping reality
I was making my own
Because I was finally existing
Growth can make a new life
From a life already living
Just to show you that time on Earth
Is all about the paths you take
-S

everything is nothing when you are not existing

(I want I want I want)

A morning fully complete,
weakened mood,
tears on the bed sheets.

Thoughts of you
should lift me higher,
but quite opposite,
erode my mind.

Thinking in grey
comes as easy
as breathing;
as easy as my shallow breaths
begging to hear gun shots,
but somehow this nightmare,
somehow you are not vile enough
to make me want to leave.

Thinking in technicolor
is a caustic riddle, puzzle
for my migraine to solve
give me back existence,

(My skin my skin my skin)

Have your lost the will to fight?
The trembling in your arms and legs
Itch for a confession
Beg for a change.
The shrieking in your noggin,
Rattles your every thought
Your stomach sinks, knowing
So, you attempt to bury your simple desires.
Hoping for a less convoluted existence.
Is this what makes us alive?

Waiting for an opportunity to start...
Is equal to drowning in a ocean of excuses
Grab the horns of fate!
Throw caution to the wind
Clutch to your feeble life-vest,
and paddle to shore
The sand will crunch under your feet,
but as the hidden shards of glass cut up your soles-
You need to patch yourself up,
and continue walking...