In the house by the lake
sat a man of few means.
He dwelled on his mistakes
that had left his life lean.

In that house in a place
by rippled waters’ edge
he saw just the faces
in the photos on the ledge.

Outside rang the birdsong
and the sun sent her rays;
the trees stood there strong
and the clouds went their ways.

But in that tiny home
a man just sat to dwell
to brood on being alone
and missed out nature’s spell.

Being back home, in my childhood room is like climbing into a time capsule. I left for college quickly, back in ‘21 and I’ve only been back here once, briefly.

My closets are still full of my old high school clothes and there are shelves that line the upper walls of my room with maybe a hundred “Disney Princess” collectable statues (my favorite is Ariel).

I have one wall space behind my bathroom door that has a hundred yellow stickies on it - reminders of old assignments and quotes like, “Do you hate drama or create drama?” and “Imagine your future.”

Everything seems carbon dated. It gives me an impeccable, knife-like sense of ennui. I want to cherish it all or burn it all, depending on the time of day. I went to take down my old Humphry Bogart and Billie Eilish posters yesterday and Kim said “Noo,” in such a sad way that I stopped.

Hold on, let’s overthink this.

I had a hard conversation today. I broke the news to my cats (Belichick and Tom Brady) that school starts at the end of the month, and I have to go back.

They took it well, I think. You know how cats are. I’ll know in a day or two, if their good will has turned to sour offense - they'll claw something up.

Belichick seems to be watching me extra closely though.
.
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Songs for this:
Lava by Still Woozy
Can't Hardly Wait by The Replacements
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08.01.3PM

those pensive ones
as they seem to me
birds on the wire
gazing this way
     and that
lost invariably
to their ennui
their melancholy
their obliviousness
to the point
some may say
     pointlessness
of their existence
in these moments
without reason
or incentive enough
to prompt one
     or the other
to take to the wing
embracing the bluster
of the ever-blowing winds
rather they sustain
this idle malingering
waiting listlessly
for that which none
can know

A yellow leaf
caught in the wind
it flutters
as it leaves the tree
try as you might
it won't be caught
I think that's called
ennui

Not much to see, not much to do
In this land of wonders wonderless
Sure, there's things to see and do
Such sights in numbers numberless

To drink the poisons, sniff the rue
And scale the mountains, high and tall
And oh! There is so much to do
But not so much to do at all

To swim the oceans blue and green
To fly among the clouds is grand
To tread a bed of roses red
To lose yourself in distant land

To have a love caress your hair
And sing to you as time slows down
Her gaze is all that you are worth
Her eyes, the sweetest shade of brown

And to be alone, with crippling grief
And have no salve for your despair
So many roads to wander on
So much to see, so little is there

So much, so much, so much, so scarce
The fields, the skies, the joy, the pain
the loves, the cries, the strange affairs
And all the same to do again

So much to feel, you cannot bear
The broken shards of what you were
And through the tempest of despair
The sea of sorrow comes to stir

So much I had, so much to hold
My happiness that could not stay
So many tears I locked inside
So many words I could not say

Time passes a thought
To another, in a climbing sense of renderings...
We see the call to unify, in a shy voice ought?
Today was a marveling hour, we could marvel's ends...

Bite me...with a resolve?
They said the sour news is a welcome sunshine
With pets and history to come at all...
Of a younger moment to be quiet, for a composure of time...

Hours as we know, a fixation on else
Can be, the truth be found in a place of sin
Was this imagined tongue, the saying of wealth
Yet to be, the stir of justice of what is a craved wince...

Of passion over a legend to become, our friends
The tale we notice, and simplify by devoid and avoid
Is but a loose remark of such to roll and imbue, the like we end
As if the world knows any better: the fight of certainty's choice...?!

Sly or slime?
Tows of redoubt, between lovers or a heroism of dry finality's
Sunny as we should note, is about the hour I am trying
We see the traitor of commonness and pence, our humor is...

A rushing eye, to know a catastrophe
That is being a silent opportunity, to approach though
And worth the implied key, we find in the future feat
Of lying to the misses, when a game is for those we hosted, should first owe...?

The moving blanket of clouds dull the light of day
Darkening my shadow in my little room.
My body feels the energy of rain and wind
Tho I am only witness, not in contact.
So, I write upon my tablet as my thumbs touch each letter
Crafting the work seen here. But I have not to say.
No purpose but to write. No sense of story.

That is who I am.