I thought my love for you was an earthquake
Rupturing in my soul
But as soon as I send this thought into the
Oblivion of my mind
Stuff this thought into a
Bottle and send it down the river,
I expected that I’d surely find it again someday,
But for now,
I no longer can feel
The moving earth pounding my head
Every second of every day.

That was the point of this all, you know
I wanted the emotion gone
Couldn’t handle the aftershocks that would ripple
And threaten to undo the careful
Knots that I had tied
To hold up my shield I need to hide behind.
I didn’t realize, though,
That the river opens up to the ocean
And the bottle keeps moving through and through and through
Until the tether of the emotion to the words
Is severed, gone.

There is no more flowing magma underneath my surface
That threatens to bubble up and over,
And once I thought this was what I desired
When I sent my emotions out to sea
But now all I feel is cut in half,
Incomplete.
The rest of me can’t live without its life source
Which somehow got severed along with my ties to you.
I wish it didn’t have to be this way
But now I’m floating in space
No air to breathe
Hoping and wishing and waiting
For the nebulas to send me into oblivion
Or perhaps back home again.

You say im part of something , but never felt like it
You say im happy, but you don’t know how I feel
You think im happy go lucky , but inside im crumbling
You say im shy but its just my insecurities
You say im rich , but never did I say it
You say my parents are wealthy but I doubt it too
You all look happy but I know that’s just plastic
You look like plastic , hard as Tupperware too
You say you are understanding never did i feel it
Only from a person did I get it
You think im emotionless , dead alive and true
Inside im dead and outside too
I do have emotions but most are not true
I hate most of you
Because you hate me too
That’s a fact and you know it
You say I should **** myself , shouldn’t you too?

i am feeling particularly emotionless today
void of any thoughts
other than those focused on my heart beat

i can still here it in my head
only when i am alone in that house
when it is dark outside
and the night is manipulative

every shadow is yours
but none of them are yours

every sound is your voice
but none of them are yours

i am feeling particularly emotionless today
void of any thoughts
other than those focused on your hands

I try to cry but reality shows my fears,
As though i try i can find no tears.

Today I laid in bed a total of 7 more minutes than I should have
before rushing to get ready for work.
I let that sinking feeling pull me under.
Drowning in my own bed,
No thoughts actually running through my head,
Just a mind numbing realisation that I’ll have to get up at some point.  
But I just laid there.
No emotion on my face.
Eyes glued to the ceiling
Blinking every 4 seconds,
Before letting out a long sigh
as if my soul had been sent back to me.
Then i caried on with the day as normal.

Your hands around my waist,
heart synchronised to mine
          Captivated

Your fingers run through my hair,
radiating sunbeams of smiles
           Rapturous

You watch sunbeams dance in my curls,
body still as a winter's day
          Enthralled

You stare straight into my eyes,
your soul connects - to mine
          Serene

I turn my callous back, then
turn my face to you
          Nothing