i am feeling particularly emotionless today
void of any thoughts
other than those focused on my heart beat

i can still here it in my head
only when i am alone in that house
when it is dark outside
and the night is manipulative

every shadow is yours
but none of them are yours

every sound is your voice
but none of them are yours

i am feeling particularly emotionless today
void of any thoughts
other than those focused on your hands

I try to cry but reality shows my fears,
As though i try i can find no tears.

Today I laid in bed a total of 7 more minutes than I should have
before rushing to get ready for work.
I let that sinking feeling pull me under.
Drowning in my own bed,
No thoughts actually running through my head,
Just a mind numbing realisation that I’ll have to get up at some point.  
But I just laid there.
No emotion on my face.
Eyes glued to the ceiling
Blinking every 4 seconds,
Before letting out a long sigh
as if my soul had been sent back to me.
Then i caried on with the day as normal.

Your hands around my waist,
heart synchronised to mine
          Captivated

Your fingers run through my hair,
radiating sunbeams of smiles
           Rapturous

You watch sunbeams dance in my curls,
body still as a winter's day
          Enthralled

You stare straight into my eyes,
your soul connects - to mine
          Serene

I turn my callous back, then
turn my face to you
          Nothing

It's stupid.
I'm this sad over love.
Why am I so caught up?
I'm supposed to be emotionless.
Free of my ties from you.
But I still see your face everywhere I go.
Haunting me in my dreams.
It's not necessarily your fault but I'm going to blame you anyways.
You made me this way.
Why'd you have to pretend to care?
Say all those sweet words...
The lies leaping off of your tongue and diving into my heart,
making me believe you were really *the one.

I know you're supposed to be that thing
That thing that keeps me grounded.
That thing that keeps my feet on the floor.
That thing that keeps me from drifting away.
But lately I've been floating.
And I don't know if you know what that feels like.
It feels timeless
     and weightless
     and sunless
     and empty.
I feel empty.
My days melt to weeks and my weeks melt to months.
My body feels like a crisp breeze of air that I just can't inhale.
My eyes only see through a cloudy, dismal, forsaken lense.
And well gravity,
It's all because you seem to be absent.
Now I need you to understand that I'm not asking you to hold me down.
Because I'd rather float aimlessly than be trapped under your hold.
But I just know that if we work together,
We can create a beautiful compromise of flying and crawling
And I think normal people just call that living.
Don't get me wrong the blood is pumping through my veins so I know i'm alive
But if your lips can no longer muster the energy to smile
And your eyes can no longer muster the energy to cry
And if the forces of attraction are no longer attracted to you
Are you really living?

the worst feeling
is when you want to cry
but can't
and you are left feeling
vacant
emotionless
and broken