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kel Aug 25
feels like everyone's
angry at me
but i ain't aiming my gun
at them
because I'm done
being mad all the time
and i just wanna have fun
so i felt light and happy
and went for a run
for the first time in a few weeks
:)
In the quiet moments, I think of you,
A father once strong, with a heart so true.
But a shadow crept in, took hold of your hand,
And led you away to a distant land.

The bottle became your closest friend,
A bond we watched, but couldn't mend.
We lost you somewhere in the haze,
As you wandered through those endless days.

But Dad, I miss the man you were,
The one who held me, safe and sure.
I forgive the choices that you made,
The battles fought, the price you paid.

I hope these words can reach your heart,
And light a fire, a brand-new start.
May you see life with clearer eyes,
And cast away those old disguise.

Let's build a bridge, you and me,
To cross the past, and set us free.
For in my heart, you still belong,
My love for you remains so strong.

So here I stand, with open arms,
Hoping to heal, to mend the harms.
Let's find our way, let’s make it right,
And walk together, into the light.
This one is hard for me to write, but after all this is my escape.
Nicky Aug 17
POP
You NEED to do this and you NEED to do that
I’m no longer me, I’ve become flat
What makes you an expert, on my mind?
You no longer see me, you are now blind

I don’t do as you say so you ply me with guilt
These kind of conditions have caused me to wilt
My petals have faded; they’re all on the floor
You think it will stop, if I just give you more

I’m not sure; I have much left to give
I’m desperately lost, I feel I can’t live
I’m stuck in a box, I don’t have a voice
I’m doing things and I don’t have a choice

I’ve shut down, I no longer smile
You can’t see me; it’s just not your style
I’m nothing unless I do what you say
I’m no longer human, I’m now decay

My voice has no sound, my tears you can’t see
It’s all about you, it’s no longer WE
I’ve so tried hard, to release, my chains
I need you to look, and see, the strains

I get so frustrated, I’m starting to pop
I keep so much in, with the hope it will stop
The hope is now lost, I have nowhere to turn
I’m all alone, I’m starting to burn

If I give in to the tears, forever they’ll flow
A lot has happened, a lot no one knows
All I wanted, was a real hand,
But I’ll never ask and I’ll never demand

There is help, it’s in tablet form
I’m scared of it, don’t want to conform
I won’t be real, I’ll just be numb
Is it all I can do with the damage that’s done?
Joshua Phelps Aug 17
Two years ago,
and it felt like

I failed from the start.

I didn’t know where to go,
I didn’t know who to believe,

nor did I have the foresight to see

when one heart bleeds,
there’s another in need

from falling apart.

I spent every day wondering,

will love find me and set my soul free?
Or is this the life I’m destined to lead?

All I’ve wanted is to love someone,
and keep myself from falling apart.

But time is a long-winding road
that leads me to doors from yesterday,

and it’s up to me to get up and make my way
to a door filled full of brighter days.

Two years gone by, and my world’s in a haze,
I can slowly see through the smoke

when I hear you call my name.
My son was six, the day we had to hear
The doctor tell us, he wouldn’t make it to the next year

He didn’t understand, and we didn’t know what to say
All we could tell him, was it was going to be okay

Our son loved Christmas, and the entire Christmas season

So we got an idea, the only one we could reason
We knew that this, would be the last thing he’d remember

So what if we turned June, back into December
Give him one last time, give him one last Christmas

Just to let him know, what a joy he had given us
We’d tell him a lie, and we’d make him believe it

It would be a task, but we’d have to achieve it
We sat him down, and told him the news

His eyes got really big, as he seemed to be confused

We told him that Santa, thought June would be better

So he better get started, on writing his letter
Later I walked down our street, talking to every neighbor

Asking each one, if they could do us a favor
Just for a month, could they put up all their lights

And then turn them on, for a few hours every night
I even offered, to do the work myself
Even if the person, wouldn’t offer me their help

Yet later that night, I heard my son cry
And then he told me, he didn’t want to die

So I reassured him, as he laid there in my arms
That God would protect him, and keep him safe from harm

Then I asked him, what was the thing he wanted most
As he wiped away a tear, he said he didn’t know

I didn’t sleep that night, not even a wink
Living without my son, was the only thought I could think

The next day, I got on the phone to make a call
To learn who plays Santa, every year down at the mall

Since we couldn’t visit Santa, and our options were slim
I knew that all I could do, was bring Santa to him

That night we watched movies, while we did little crafts
It was the first time in a while, I’d seen my son laugh

One of the movies, talked about angels getting wings
As everyone in town, cheerfully singed

My son then asked me, would he get to be an angel
My wife left the room, the question was too painful

I told him yes, and with that I promised
He then smiled, because he knew I was honest
The next few days, we’re a bit tough

His poor little body, had almost had enough
As I arrived home, and got out of my car
I saw a man down the street, putting up a tree in his yard

I knew my son was weak, and wouldn’t want to go outside
So I told him it was snowing, not proud that I had lied

I saw him smile, as he went back to sleep
Then I turned off his light, in the darkness I would weep

The next night we decided, to put up our tree
The three of us, my son, my wife and me
We decorated it, with ornaments and tinsel

I lifted up my son, as at the top he placed our angel
We wrapped it in lights, his favorite color of yellow

Then sat in the darkness, entranced by the glow
It was strange for sure, my wife and I thought
But this had more value, than any gift that could be bought

Next day I called a man, who owned a Santa suit
When I told him the story, not for a second did he dispute

He said he’d come by, and pay my son a visit
And when he knocked on our door, I playfully yelled, “Who is it?”

He walked inside, as my son was sitting in my chair
My son couldn’t say a word, all he could do was stare

I knew he wanted to cheer, he just didn’t have the strength
Yet he just smiled, with a wide ear to ear length

“**-**-**”, said the jolly old man
“You must be Johnny”, as he held out his hand

“Yes, that’s me.”, my boy softly said
Santa removed his hat, exposing the silver locks upon his head

“I heard from my elf, that you wanted us to meet”
Santa said, as he kneeled at my son’s feet

“I wrote you a letter”, my son said nervously
“Well, I’d love to read it”, Santa said with complete certainty

My wife then reached out, and handed Santa the note
As he read it, he seemed to get a tickle in his throat

He then looked at me, but I hadn’t yet read it
He had a look in his eyes, as if I might dread it

Santa passed me the letter, and I got my answer
I then read the words, “Santa please fix my cancer.”

My son wanted nothing, except the ability to live
However I knew that was a gift, even Santa couldn’t give

Santa gave him a hug, and then said goodbye
As he left I saw a tear, welling up in his eyes

“Santa will help me, won’t he dad?”
I said “I’m sure he will”, with everything I had

Nothing else was said, he just looked so relieved
He looked so sure, I knew it was something he believed

I carried him to bed, and there quietly he laid
As I prayed that his dreams, would carry him away

The next night, though the air was very heavy
I loaded him in his wagon, and asked if he was ready

I had another surprise, one that might lift his spirit
The smile on his face, said he was excited to hear it

As we made our way, out onto the rocky concrete
The night was lit, with the glow of lights on our street

Nearly every house, had put up their Christmas decor
His heart carried so much joy, I doubt it could take anymore

His eyes glistened, in the twinkle of red and green
It was like something, that my eyes had never seen

I never walked as slow, as I did then
Hoping that this moment, would somehow never end

He pointed and stared, and sat there in amazement
As together we traveled, down the stretch of neon pavement

A few neighbors, gave us a wave from their porch
As if to tell my son, he had their support

Then he asked, “Dad, is this all just for me?”
I tried to look confused, in a way that he could see

I then asked him, “What do you mean?”
He said that it was weird, that there was nobody else to be seen

There were no other people, no cars lined in a row
Didn’t they hear it was Christmas, why didn’t they know?

I didn’t want to lie again, so I told him the truth
So I told him, “Yes son, this is all just for you.”

“But why?” He asked, as I stopped pulling the wagon
He didn’t understand, his mind couldn’t imagine

“Because”, I said, “they all wanted to.”
“They heard you were sick, and it was the least that they could do”

When we got home, I took my son to bed
Then on his pillow, he softly laid his head

He then told me, “Dad, I think I’m ready to leave”
I said, “But you can’t, tomorrow’s Christmas Eve.”

He just smiled, as I pulled the covers up to his chin
He then closed his eyes, eyes he’d never open again

It’s been thirty years, since I’ve last seen my son
Though the fight was hard, it was a fight that he had won

I still miss my son, and I know I’ll see him soon
And every summer since, we celebrate our Christmas in June
You've been my biggest fan, my ever-glowing, shining light
Showing me the way and how to do what's right
There are those that wonder, and ask me where I get my strength
I get my bravery from you, someone who would go to any length
I am the man I am because you taught me how to be
Without your love around, I do not think I could be me
These words may seem small, and they don't say what I want well
My gratefulness for you is something words could never tell
I thought I would try to write at least a couple bars
It is the least that I could do, for the woman made of stars
Whose heart has traveled galaxies; whose soul has traversed dimensions
I know that raising me was difficult, yet you always had the best intentions
Though the evenings may turn dark, there is always light in the dawn
No matter what happens, or where I may go, I am blessed to call you Mom
You say you love me to the moon and back, and I love you to Mars
Please consider this a birthday gift, to the woman made of stars
A poem for my mom on her birthday today. It's the first one after my dad's passing in April.
Zelda Jul 13
“What do you want?”

I am
the double braids;
the sunshine in the tutu dress
The linear path
The yellow line
Didn't lead where it was supposed to
(where I thought it would)
I was just trying to catch up

From the McDonald's to the escalator
From the escalator to the McDonald's

I am
An ever-changing labyrinth; A sunflower
Caught in the dead of winter
Suffocating in a sea of strangers
Home isn't where it's supposed to be

From the McDonald's to the escalator
From the escalator to the McDonald's

I know
I can't afford to;
I know
It's best I don't:
Lose my ears
Lose my head;
Lose my feet;
Lose my breath;
But they're not where they're supposed to be
And I can feel myself lose my eyes;
What happened to the linear path?
Where is the yellow line?

Third time’s the golden ticket
Get me out of here
Please

From the McDonald's to the escalator
From the escalator to the McDonald's

Ears heard you call my name
Head spun
Feet pushed against marble
Deep breath

Into your warm, comforting embrace
Lift me off the path
Show me the yellow line
Take me where I'm supposed to be

I am
The path less traveled
The yellow line unwinding

“A Happy Meal”

Epilogue
______

Little Miss Sunshine
Sit awhile
Happy Meals turn into ice coffees
We'll wait
No need to worry
We'll be found
Eventually

"Can I steal a fry?"
Joshua Phelps Jun 25
Ruthless, a little
cynical, hellbent on
suicide

It's over before it
even begins tonight.

Cause a scene and
simply explode,

Hurt the ones around you,
the ones you already loved,

Lose them like dominos, falling,
one-by-one, it's almost
appalling.

Place the blame, but you know
it doesn't work

You've tried everything
and they already know,

This shade of blue doesn't
look good on you,

What is your true calling?

Do you know what you want
out of life?

The signal never connects,
and blood rushes to your head,

Alert the others, tell them
you've reached the end.

It's over before it even
begins,

You begin to cave
and shamble

Can't hold it together
So you explode and
explain to them

How much you
fight.

How much you try.

Nobody cares.
And you're in denial
Again this time.

It's hard to believe,
that at the end of the day

No one cares and
no one will believe you,

They'll only see
You when you
make an effort and

See the other side.
Every day in some kind of way
Experience an Emotional Breakthrough
By Shaking off
Negative Self Talk

It can be done
Sit in the Sun
Read a Book
Take a closer look
At Yourself
Be Stealth

Navigate  distractions
Till you find Traction
To Live your Life
How you need to
(Heart) Centred
Beyond Whatever/s!

(c) Debra Lea Ryan
23/06/2024
Shaking off a little Negativity
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