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Thighs, hips
Dogs, tricks
Bruises from your
Angry fists

Lies kiss
Your sinful lips
Her ribs a friend
Of your kicks

Forever be her
Mind’s eclipse
The mirror lies
Her stomach dips

Hands shaking
She needs a fix
Miles away
Invisible bricks

I get that beef fat and butter
in this day and age are a sin
and contribute to the decline
of myself and this earth

But, my lords and ladies,
I am weak
and beholden to the
grease shined smile
on stuffed chops
as my euphemistic dad ***
becomes ever more so,
ballooning to a middle age where
there be dragons

I plead mercy,
and perhaps some ice cream
Ryan Aug 2
I’ve been starving since I was fourteen.
Please just let me scream.
Rusting like a machine,
Oil is hard to swallow.

I’m tired of passing out on the floor.
An underdose, lying by the door.
An absence in my core,
A gag when I try to fix it.

Putting on shirts, worried about how wide they make me seem.
Too self-conscious to wear something tight around the seams.
Pretending my future is only a dream,
I’m becoming dusty on the internal.

Withering away, I feel my soul leaving.
Blowing with the wind, I am still grieving.
I’m more used to the sound of heaving,
Than the sound of myself eating.
Beth Bayliss Jul 30
my ribs look like fingers pressing against fine silk
I should not be okay with this
I should not be okay with this
I should not be okay with this
This is self control my love
brittle fingers as you bite your nails
blue eyes that stair hauntingly at the food on the plate
This is self control my love
Counting each calorie one by one
Feeling your body crying out for food
This my love
Is self control
You look pretty
Prettier every time you see that number on the scale go down
Prettier with every sit up you do
And closer to perfection as you lower your calories one by one
This my love is self control
Self control
Self hatred
Self control
My lovely dear
This is self control my love
max Jul 6
in maths i was told that numbers rule our lives,
that every detail can be measured, counted, put into figures and digits and statistics.
i laughed at the idea.
but now i believe there is some truth in those words,
that numbers are in fact the one thing that rules over our small existence,
be it the number of friends at the dinner table
celebrating a pay-rise or a birthday or simply just to compensate for the hours since they were last united.
or maybe this importance can be found
in the number of pounds in your back pocket
or the pounds of food on the table in front of you,
the amount of fuel you fill your body with,
the pounds that you shed as you decide you no longer need fuel
and the numbers in front of you begin to decrease.
there are numbers everywhere.
there are numbers at the tips of your fingers as you determine
how much you need,
counting out each tiny pill as you prepare to swallow them like candy
and finally get the sweet release you so desperately crave.
perhaps the numbers are found in the length of rope as you stand at the top
counting down from ten, anticipating
the grand finale, unless you take
from your maths lessons and decide instead to calculate the dimensions, the
length and the depth to travel with the blade as it so delicately graces your skin,
breaking the ice at last.

in maths i was told that numbers rule our lives,
but looking back, i think you’ll find that they rule more over death.
i wrote this in january and never posted it, this was me when my mental health was at its absolute worst
fika Jul 4
I pushed you too far
You pushed for me
But you wouldn’t let me go down that path any longer
I thought you failed me
You only did it out of love
I got sick
You were unable to fight it off
You weren't weak
You didn’t have another choice
You fainted
Hands that saw your true beauty that I couldn’t see caught you.
Dad caught you.
You became frail
You became pale
Doctors saw illness
Needles pricked in you
Tests were taken

But I saw beauty
That still needed “more” progress

I will not let myself go down that path again

Thank you
You taught me love
You taught me acceptance
You taught me that eating is a form of self respect
I want to grow with you

I love you
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