Inside me
While you grew and grew
I never knew
Your heart was broken
And that there was one
Where there should’ve been two.

After you were born
The doctor explained
Your lungs wouldn’t last
You were breathing too fast
And growing too slow
Your blood flow was mixed
And you had to be fixed.

So right from the start
Your heart wasn’t whole
But your soul
Was a universe
And your eyes
Were comprised
Of millions of galaxies.
Your body was strong
And your cry was a song.

I named you beloved
And through you, I discovered
For the very first time
I was whole.

Please always remember
You are far more beautiful
Than broken
You are my ultimate inspiration
And I’ll always consider you
My most perfect creation.

I might be dying.
I don't know yet.
The doctors are still deciding
if I will meet Death.

I can feel
all the weird thumps.
I just don't know...
I'm in a slump.

The doctors have done the tests,
but no one knows yet.
Am I the subject of a pest,
or a huge destructive mess?

Stabbed by words so deep you sink and drown in your own blood
because you've cried out all of your tears.
Truth so lost almost impossible to be found
Bleeding away your cares
Is this an expression for two?
and when you speak the truth people wonder,
"Am I speaking to the crazy or the sane side of you?"
They say you need help from a professional.
Does this mean that I need to seek help from someone who has experienced my situation
or Some one who is only qualified to deem me insane with their education
Getting payed to pass judgement on my minds creation
Limiting to a life of medication
You're giving people jobs they are not qualified for
So I fake like I take your pills
And walk out the door
No offense but I don't take poison from people who have never been insane before

Waves ran wild across vibrations of metal
Like a guitar playing under an ocean wave
Carrying the purpose and dream of one man
A piece of metal of a surgery gone wrong
Saved, an outer symbol, the only one
I dreamed about it last night
This man, his piece of metal
As I am a water creature, a fish very true
I picked up the symbol and attached it to a compass
This compass does not move, mixed in place forever
A symbol of his attitude
His direction will not waiver, this is his truth
I handed it back to him as a gift of gratitude
An example he is of strength and determination
And for that I have admiration~

Everywhere I look, there's an emptiness
where you’re supposed to be.
I told the doctors how I see nothing in everything,
so they prescribed pills to help me see.

My room is always so cold
but your breath was so hot.
I told the doctors I still feel it on my neck
so they gave me more pills to make it stop.

I took the pills for years
but they haven’t helped at all
So I stopped the prescriptions
and started my downward fall.

The doctors will never fully understand
that I will always look for you everywhere I go.
Antidepressants and mood stabilizers are making my mind a
bomb, ready to blow.

i'm exhausted
of Rx bottles and diagnostics
of appointments and waiting rooms
confusions and delusions
of crying on the bathroom tile
and losing track of time
inhaling and exhaling just to stay alive

life's a crowded room if you ask me.

one day a sick little girl
went to the doctors
they stole the blood from her veins
and left her waiting in a lonely room

what's wrong with me?
what's wrong with me?
what's wrong with me?

no answer.
she waits
she waits
she waits
                                                           ­                                     until
the moment she decided to free herself

"Nothing is wrong with me."
she smiled, picked up her purse,
and continued on her way

I spoke to my soul about love
She said, do not question it
Do not ignore it.
I resorted to my heart,
Guess what happened.
It skipped a beat
And I was reborn.
I asked scientists and doctors
And people who knew drugs
They said, it's all chemicals
I shouldn't bother myself with
They said I'm too strong
To let it ruin me.
But when you and I
Got under your blankets
And I told you I loved you
You said nothing.


F.Z.N

what is luck?
i have a dotted line that i've been trying to fill in for my whole life
diagnosed at nine with a carrying-too-much disease
but i can afford the pills and therapy
from someone else's wallet
but
for how long?
tell me, doctor,
when i'm off my parents' Healthcare Plan,
will you still want to talk to me?
we've built such a great relationship
in the past lord knows how many years of
punching mirrors
kissing porcelain bowls
would you please keep giving me ****** lotion
to smooth out the holes in my brain?
what about the other kids who are dying out in the same crispy sun that doesn't set?
tell me, do you feel the same compassion
for these daughters of dopamine   deficiency?
would you hold the hands of thirty year olds
who still fear the monsters under their beds?
you *******

do no harm

and turn a blind eye

and i know it's not your fault
but **** it, Look Me In The Eyes
and tell me
what do you plan to do?