They see strength
A rock that's weathered but not broken
They see loyalty
A bond of trust that's always there but never spoken
They see considerate
Arms open wide and ready to give
They see creative
Enough pieces of talent that show where my soul lives

I see weakness
A mere pebble wore down by the constant storm
I see alienation
The meek and solemn path chosen to tread upon
I see estranged
Forever building walls so no one gets close
I see meticulous
Where everything is flawed by a perfectionistic boast

I often wonder what would happen
If both perceptions collide
Would one overshadow the other
Keeping the raging angst inside

Do they see what's real
Do I see only lies
The truth becomes muddled
When playing from both sides

Why am I hiding
And afraid to let go
Lurking in the shadows
Never letting my true-self show

Will I one day be free
From this torment inside
Finally accepting myself
Casting all doubt aside

Imagine an existence
Without the masks and veils
A willingness to be open
Exploring all that entails

I long to find the place
Where both views intertwine
That will be the moment
This life will truly be mine

How to hang on
When the world looks so bleak
How to be strong
When all appearances seem weak

Words that are spoken
Does one take them to heart
Do you dare to take a chance
On that shot in the dark

Rise up is a phrase
That seems fleeting at best
Still, it lingers in a soul willing
To put faith to the test

Bound to but not broken
By the fear that's underneath
Allows a sense of hope to arise
And strive for inner peace

Determination is a constant
That's never been cast aside
That one unwavering thing
Still, keeps the spirit alive

When have I started seeing myself as insignificant?

Was it in 7th grade when I started to notice
How the world paraded a perfect image of
What a body should be?

Magazines, bulletins, billboards, media: images
Of how women should have the deep oceans in their eyes
or they'd be worth less than a pebble.
Of how their ******* should resemble the precious pearls of God
or they're not worth a single glance.
Of how their lips and skins have to be free from scratches, dents, and scars
as if they were Christmas poultry.

When have little girls started avoiding supper and saving cents for plastic surgery?

Was it in 9th Grade during health class
When Mr. Smith babbled about how thin
Was the only desirable body type and
If you were any other you're unwanted?

Text books and ideals screaming
About thigh gaps with curvy bottoms,
Delicate fingers and thin arms
And how little girls shouldn't have a visible stomach.

Did they hear about little Mary's sobs in the night
Because no matter how much she pressed down
On her tiny uvula, her food wouldn't magically disappear?

When have mothers started caring more about their belly pouch than how their babies are crying every 6 seconds?

Was it in college when I had to attend a seminar
About how the perfect body has zero fat composition and if you did, you're probably lazy and incompetent.
Mothers and fathers whispering to each other
About how my mother wasn't skinny enough
And how her face wasn't caked with make up

Little do they know, my mother worked 24/7,
As a manager and a single mother of 4,.
She barely had time for looks..

Now here I stand in front of what I've feared for years since I was 13..
And I see.. I'm not so bad after all.

I've started loving the way my messy black hair barely reaches the plains of my shoulders,
I've started loving the humanity in my charcoal black eyes despite how empty they'd seem,
I've started loving the splashes of pink and red on my plump body as if they were constellations.

I've realized that my sarcasm and silly personality is not measured by the numbers,
That my motherly nature doesn't have anything to do with how I'm not curvy enough,
That people care about the ways my eyes shine more than they ever will about how my gut is showing.

More importantly.. I've started loving people more now that I do love myself.