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Stargaria Jul 2017
Right now I feel alone,
I have friends- really good friends!
They never leave me,
And they go by depression and anxiety.

Sometimes I talk to them,
We discuss pressing issues like politics and art,
Everyone else tries to tell me,
They're the ones tearing me apart.

But those others aren't my friends,
They aren't here now when I'm alone and when I cry,
They aren't there when I need someone to talk to,
Depression and anxiety, they're the ones that are really thoughtful.

As we speak I have a fever,
I'm talking to myself to what the best method of healing should be,
The others? They don't care about it either.

I'm in my house all alone,
Sweating, panicking,
Trying not to let my third friend join today's gathering.

I met my third friend through the other two,
We don't get on as much,
He makes the others dislike me.

He does this by taking control,
He plays with my body like it were a marionette,
He makes breathing impossible,
Speech incomparable to any modern tongue.

I have my ways of dealing with friend 3,
First I talk to depression and anxiety,
Count to ten,
Finally I'm free.
Sometimes I don't want to continue, it's a mess and it gets hard, there's nobody here to give me a kiss at night anymore and loneliness creeps in through the side door.
Stargaria Jul 2017
Mum I want silence,
I want isolation leave me be,
Mum I'm desperate can't you see?
I'm so frightened of what's beyond,
Mum don't leave me alone,
It's only you of whom I'm fond,
Mum the people they scare me,
They say I'm fine and free to go,
Mum I'm hurting can't you see?
I'm all alone wishing my crypt,
Mum I'm in containment it's what I wish,
It wasn't by accident that I tripped,
Mum I'm helpless but nobody seems to care,
I'm sorry I'm not strong enough,
Mum This pain I can no longer bare,
I'm sorry but the only way is to leave,
Mum you can't save my blood now,
I won't wear my heart upon my sleeve.
**** gets tough but poetry is a platform for ventilation
Stargaria Jul 2017
I have experienced my body divide,
My body has split in two and moved,
It's moved physically and mentally,
I don't know where I belong.

Physically I've moved from one country to another,
Mentally I thought I'd remain,
Agenda after agenda and attacks on those least fortunate,
Causation of my mentality to now follow suit and depart the supposed land of cultural heritage.

Going 'home' no longer feels like home,
It feels wrong,
I feel shaky, I feel judged,
I want to leave they're looking at me,
But I'm white I have privelidge,
My physicality doesn't let me fall to prejudice but my mentality does,
It's like I'm invisible,
Undercover, I'm a target but they know not of me.

Judgement made in prejudice,
Discrimination made in skin colour and faith,
This is no longer my home,
Sometimes home doesn't feel like home anymore
Stargaria Jun 2017
I must free myself from these chains.
I'm drained.

I must liberate myself from them.
I'm weak.

I must fight for myself.
I'm unstoppable.

I must heighten myself.
I'm hidden.

I must live for myself.
I'm human.
Sometimes you just aren't good enough. Sometimes you have to rise.
Stargaria May 2017
Emotions drift with an influx of selflessness,
Edging and forcing one to do actions which may in turn be unwanted,
Emotions drift with a sweet sense of goodbye,
Relieving one of many duties and giving the most ever precious reward,
Emotions drift to a new source,
But the love still remains
Stargaria Dec 2016
I have a feeling deep inside,
So horrible so powerful,
It rips me from inside.

I have a feeling deep inside,
So complex so painful
It tears me from inside.

I have a feeling deep inside,
So scary so morbid,
It kills me from inside.

I have a feeling deep inside,
So guilty so sinful,
It persecutes me from inside.

I have a feeling deep inside,
So alone so isolated,
It abandons me from inside.
Stargaria Nov 2015
What is life?
I can no longer tell you.

I've discovered the darkest most secret corners,
Ones which I'm afraid of,
Yet I don't care about.

It's something I can't explain,
Being scared yet not caring.

I want it all to end.
The pain, the suffering,
I want peace,
That's all.
Maybe this can't be categorised as a poem; maybe it can. Sometimes life engulfs you and it leaves you senseless, breathless and lifeless. Depression and anxiety are horrible horrible places to be. When both are combined it is the most difficult challenge you have to face. I have good days; I have bad days. I guess this is a future note to myself. Don't look back, you can't change the past, but you sure as hell can change the future!
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