Sometimes, I want to disappear
To find in the void my new now and here
To go back to a state of non-existence
Where life begins anew because it ends


Yet the body wants no death
It longs for no last breath
It wants to dance and jump and run
To bathe in the ocean and feel the sun


But the soul can't see the light
Quiet desperation, a daily fight
Long is the way out of this mess
Can't I get a new one and start fresh?

I had some beautiful words in my mind but the disappear like your love has left my life.

I wonder, are you really glad?

Or are you lying? Are you sad?

Understanding people is hard to do.

Especially people like you.


You smile and seem happy all the time.

But when you're alone, you don't seem fine.

I worry a lot. You should know.

I would tell you but my words can't flow.


I worry that you're just lying.

Being my friend and smiling.

I'm worried I'm not good enough.

I'm worried about what we'll become.


And you know, I worry too much.

To what I see to what I touch.

If you need to talk, I'l be here.

So don't worry, I won't disappear.

I want to disappear.
Straight into the abyss
But it is almost my birthday.
In 2 hours
So why do I feel like ****?

Some consolation...
I **** at all the things I'm BEST AT.
That's how I feel now.
Sorry to ruin everything for everyone.
I will go away now.
Please God, pray let me disappear somehow.

Allow me to ultimately succumb to my fate;
Spill down onto the sidewalk
along with the other helpless raindrops
and slide into the gutter.

Allow me to finally let go
of the blissful, blue balloon;
fall to the ground,
and disintegrate in midst of the dirt.

Allow me to disappear
Forever and always;
into thin air,
like a cloud of dark fairy dust.

Allow me to cry
a flood of tears and sorrow;
enough to fill an ocean
Deep and Wide.

Allow me to bask in this
dark void of emptiness
that fills my mind and chest;
rendering me plainly incapable.

Please, just let me go.

I have a fear of being left
that one day someone
family, friend, or lover
will disappear from my life
as if they were never there
and I would never know why
this irrational fear haunts me
but there is another fear that hurts me even more
if I left my someone
would they feel the same as I would
when I disappear, would no one even blink
would anyone wonder where I went
how everything went wrong
I am terrified that it wouldn't bother them at all
it is not the fear of being left
it is the fear of never being missed
that is so irrational yet so burdensome

I wish I could fly away elsewhere
To a world removed from here
Heaven is not found in the clouds or air
That is what I truly fear
Because although this life is painfully unfair
I'm not ready to die and forever disappear