Mind Matterer

Mind Matterer Jun 2019

Allow me to ultimately succumb to my fate;
Spill down onto the sidewalk
along with the other helpless raindrops
and slide into the gutter.

Allow me to finally let go
of the blissful, blue balloon;
fall to the ground,
and disintegrate in midst of the dirt.

Allow me to disappear
Forever and always;
into thin air,
like a cloud of dark fairy dust.

Allow me to cry
a flood of tears and sorrow;
enough to fill an ocean
Deep and Wide.

Allow me to bask in this
dark void of emptiness
that fills my mind and chest;
rendering me plainly incapable.

Please, just let me go.

#mental #illness #let #go #disappear #helpless

Mind Matterer May 2019

Sink

Feeling the metal
sink into your flesh
and glide along
the vast plane of your skin.

Growing exposed to the outside world,
to the ability to breathe again—
The bubbles begin to rise
lining the sides of the wound.

Once they begin to pile,
a large wave of red
flows over the lining,
and down the rest of the plane.

——

It finally contains itself mildly,
allowing for the wave to slow at the shore;
It’s not the end for you yet,
as you succumb to
the temptation once more.

#sink #breathe #blood #wound #temptation

Mind Matterer Apr 2019

Frail Frills

Head placed upon the middle of your pillow,
leaving a circular dent surrounding it-
Your pigtails on the side,
tied in pink and red bows.

An attire of frilly, cotton, pyjamas,
tainted with dainty flowers-
a total of 32 spastically placed.

Memories
Filled with frills and pixie dust,
along with the shards of glass
-lined with blood.

Thinking back,
On the beauty of the moments,
Of the innocence that once filled your mind-
gently placed upon the pillow
lined with delicate lace,
beneath your frail, fazed face.

#nostalgia #blood #young #innocence #dainty #frail #frills

Mind Matterer Apr 2019

Vast

A large, vast ball fills within,
as the pain from the wreckage
continues to reside.
A grand sensation of emptiness
and loneliness floods in-
Evoking an even greater amount of
melancholy and blurred lines.

Yearning to return to the past;
where the grass was greener,
the sky was clearer,
the doors were open wide,
and the telephone lines were unhindered.

Wishing to be rid of this nostalgia
and live in the moment, once more.
Prior to the large loss,
that created an awful sore.

#loss #reminiscing #love #emptiness #past

Mar 2019

Joliver

Okay

If there was one word
One word, isolated by itself
That I cannot stand above all others
It would have to be "Okay"
I despise "Okay"
"Okay"
Is how your millionth day at work went
"Okay"
Is off-brand raisin bran
"Okay"
Is how you say life is going
When you don't want to admit you spend
Every second of it
Wanting to die

"Okay"
Is packed to the brim with
Hidden implications
Like a treasure chest
Filled with bottles
With little subliminal hatreds
Written on tiny slips of paper
Passively aggressively pushed inside
To discover later
As I pull out a treasure map
And try to decipher
Where I went wrong

"Okay"
Is a one word dismissal
That feels like an essay a thousand pages long
"Okay"
Is a poison dripping with disinterest
When I dared to share with you
Something I thought might make you smile
"Okay"
Is like trying to talk to a wall
While watching the paint on it dry
"Okay"
Takes two seconds to write
Yet I waited days
For that dreaded word
To grace my notifications
"Okay"
Should be used sparingly
As if each time you send it
You **** the receiver just a little bit
"Okay"
Should not be said so often that
I know what you're about to say
Like I saw it in a crystal ball
"Okay"
Is not looking up from your phone
When I tell you about my day
"Okay"
Is not the proper response
To "I love you"

They say that the opposite of love isn't hatred
It's indifference
And I can't think of a response
More indifferent to pouring out
My heart into your hands
Than "Okay"
At least the last thing you said to me
Before we parted ways
Showed that you cared
At least a little bit
"I hate you"
Stung less
Than the thousands of times
Over our countless conversations
You responded
"Okay"
Okay?

#love #heartbreak #hate #okay #hurt

Mar 2019

Shane Rowe

The war persists

I am just so sad
So so sad
It feels so heavy inside my chest
It feels like a fight I cannot win
Over and over again

It just wont let me go
When will it let me go
Give me a break
Let me breathe

I am too tired to tell it to stop
Stop whispering in my ear
Stop telling me what I did wrong
What I'm going to do wrong

It is drowning out everything that is good
It is telling me to be selfish
To leave
I wont
But I get tired of fighting at times
And tonight, I cannot put my shield up
I am too sad

I don't know what else to tell you. It does not rhyme and there is no flow. It is only my raw thoughts. I am too tired to organize them, to make them sound beautifully tragic. Tonight they are just, tragic.

#tragic #heavy #sad #tired #thoughts #unspoken #fight #fighting #drowning

Mind Matterer Mar 2019

The Final Release

Standing there,
on the cold, damp sand
in the open air.

Hearing the gush of the waves
Crash against the rocks
and roll onto the shore
-Gently kissing your feet.
The Coldness is overpowered
by the emotions and relief within.

The light finally begins to rise,
The skies grow a blissful blue-
in contrast to the regular, deeply darkened grey;
mirroring the colour within your mind.

Feeling your hair ****** forward
along with the black crow-
The long residing and awaiting crow.

The final release,
Resulting in the return of
light, tranquility, and peace.

The final release
of this Dead Weight
-constantly on your shoulder,
Weighing down on your chest,
and fluttering throughout your mind.

---

The final release
freeing you from this
Godawful, hell of a disease.

#relief #release #crow #black #sea #waves