I want to rip my skin clean off
Rip my flesh off
Show off my carcass and shout to the world
"See me! See me ****** and broken
See my nervous system flail below me
and love me anyway!"
I feel no connection to the flesh
I feel little hesitation digging my fingernails into it
The pain, however, gives me pause
It resets my mind, unforgiving and real, informing me
"It isn't over
you do not need to mangle yourself
to be known
to be loved"
I am a mosaic of everything
Everyone I have loved
Everything I have loved
I fall apart easy
I make myself into art easier
When I am raw, would someone notice?
Would someone spare me more than a passing glance?
Would they want to turn away?
Would my bones give more pause than my flesh?
See me
See my hurt
Feel my hurt
Know it
Know me
Know who I am
Know what I love
Or at least don't leave
Just listen
Or pretend to
Or don't
I don't mind
Stay
Stay sometimes
Stay every once in a while
Every blue moon
Step into my blood and drink for a while
Take my carcass
Take my flesh
Take my blood
Take my breath
Take my love
Just don't take yourself away from me
I am not scary
My desperation does not make me fearsome
I am not awful
I am not horrid
I am me
I am
I am
I am
I am
Who am I?
Am I the girl who breathes?
The person who sleeps?
The man who writes endlessly?
The woman crying in a cafe somewhere?
The stray cat during a rainstorm?
The teenager at a payphone?
The teenager staring at the world?
A man looks at his wife on the beach
He says to her
"Look at the world
no, really, look.
I know I see,
but what do you see?
She smiles at him
Tucks her sweaty hair behind her ear
and speaks in music
"I see hope
and I see pain
I see more
and I see again"
He doesn't understand what that means
Maybe she doesn't, either
but he sees the stars in her eyes
and feels what he does not know
"I see you
when you look of at the horizon
I think I see you more in those moments
than I ever do otherwise.
What do you dream of?
When you stare like that?"
She hums like starlight
Ponders like a calm, wondering shore
"I dream of my flesh," She begins sweetly
"Of what the dirt will see
when I am beneath it.
That will be the only time
I will be unable to know myself."
He doesn't understand what that means either
but his heart does
She does
Her rawness does
Her bones do
They smile together at him, one in his love
He smiles back, unflinching
Drinking her in
Never looking away

lilly white lies           
patterned in the dirt
             hoof trodden

The stains won't go away
Scour your palms til they bleed
The bone shows through
As you dream to be born anew