I asked for a sign to ease my mind.
I guess you heard it.
Maybe that is why the moon is so bright
And following me everywhere I go.
You have your eye on me.

The night was warm like the tea you made
But inviting like the last hug you gave me.

Calm night for a damaged soul.
Grant me serenity,
Show me you are there.

I miss you.

I can only picture dying,
I've exhausted my own mind.
It's not for lack of trying,
To extinguish these thoughts of mine.

All things I see are blue,
But I love the blue Winter air.
I'm scared of heights; that's true,
But I walk on a tightrope without a care.

I'm toying with a sordid thought,
Just to see if madness is that bad but it's not.
Insanity and madness is all that I've got,
I've tried and I have tried but it just won't stop.

This may be the last you read from me,
I just can't keep up the lie.
This may be the last I write to you,
But when it's time, paint the flowers blue.

Sometimes I can't put down my thoughts the way I wish I could
I feel like my head is blocking my words from escaping
Like it's too hard to express my real feelings anyway
this is normal
I begin to think my life is just so boring and uninteresting that I don't have anything to say
but I have moments where I take a deep breath and let it go slowly and think to myself
"I know I'm just depressed"
and that feeling is hopeless
and I feel helpless
I'll look at my reflection and think to myself
"What am I supposed to do?
Everyday isn't a bad day.
Even if it's not really a good one either."

All the nights of unpleasantries
will no longer keep me awake.
I will never again dream
of you by mistake.

I wish that you would die.
A freak accident leaves you paralyzed
maybe a piano from the window
That lives in the blue of my eyes.
Or maybe that "random" passing car
will clip you in the thigh
And you'd be left (like me)
alone; just to die.

You could paint the town red
with your angry tongue
but instead maybe if i cut it out
you'll finally listen instead.

In laymens terms, prepare to be hurt,
I'll smile as your body lies in the dirt.
And blood seeps into your shirt,
coloring the earth.
Your purpose has been confirmed.

*******.

It's still not ok
But then again, when has it ever been

Keep on screaming "its ****** up"
Take back your words, but you'll never take back enough
I've got a feeling over time
You'll stumble over what you didn't want to find

Keep throwing bricks against the stone
Chipping away, until you wear it down to bone
And you've broken everything away
I'm leaving you to rubble, burying your turn of phrase

And keep on screaming "its ****** up"
Save the world, but It will never be safe enough
And all your pity is in vein
Tripping over syllables, you never planned to say

It's not ok
But when has it ever been

It's still not ok
But I'm guessing that's the way it will stay

So keep on pouring out your guts
Slick as the ropes that I never thought I'd cut
And break yourself against the stone
Amid the bricks, you'll quickly find yourself alone

Not sure what to say
Not looking so happy now
Never a bad day
Still not ok
It's still not ok

i miss you so much
and it bothers me
that you will never be able to meet him
the man of my dreams
the one who restored my faith
the one i am in love with
it bothers me that you can't meet him
you won't be there for my wedding
you won't be there to see your grandkids

its hard not having you around
i want to share all these moments with you
but i can't
ever.