my heart... it's made of glass
you told me it was my fault,
so it shattered.

i crawled around,
trying to pick up the
shattered pieces,
but it cut my legs,
it cut my arms.

it made me sick.
but that's ok...
right?

It’s getting bad again.
My skin is scratching, itching, burning.
I want to rake my nails down my wrist
just to relieve a little pressure.

It’s building up inside me.
I’m afraid that I’ll explode
and imbed shrapnel in those
who are closest to me.

I shy away
and leave myself alone.
Better to suffer in silence
than to make others worry.

I want to press a blade
deep into my hips.
To feel the blood bubbling up
and all my pressure-pain-panic
leaving with
each drop that flows down my thigh.

Just like old times.

Cut the chase already.
It's not fun anymore.
You're just hurting yourself.
And honestly, I don't want to be blamed about it.

I tell myself
Think of him
Another red **** on my arm
He doesn’t want you to do this
Another one
He loves you
Again, this time deeper
He will worry for you
I waver
He will see them
Don’t care. I return to the fluid motion
He will ask you why
The blood drips down my arms
He will want you to stop
I want to stop
He will help you if you let him
I don’t need anyone’s help
Yes you do
I know
So get it
I can’t. I will fix this myself.

I won’t make anyone else deal with my ******* problems

Be heard like a
S
o
n
g.

Cut through like a
R
h
y
t
h
m.

Get it off the chest from the
B
o
t
t
o
m.

How are you feeling?
You need to eat.
Just get at it and get it done.
I am the grown up
I know more than you
You are the child
Stop over reacting
The phone is the problem
I hope you have kids as awful as you
You’re greedy
Be quiet
I wish I still had a hot little body like you
Just try telling her how you feel
Did you talk to her about it
Did you hand it in
I’m your mother I can touch you if I want to you don’t get to have boundaries with me
Your sister was the same way
Stop blaming you anxiety
Don’t use your depression to get out of things
Just try
You said you were gonna stop
I thought you said it was a good day
What happened
You don’t work hard enough
You’re cute
You just need to calm down
That’s your own fault
Stop
Why didn’t you talk to me
Is it my fault
That’s life

Grasping my arms
Digging nails into my wrist
Feel the blood trickling down
Its warm... proof that I exist

Biting my lip
Its starting to turn white
Metallic taste lingers
I'm losing my light

Blade to my stomach
Its cold and smooth
To gain some control
I dont plan to leave so soon

Its something about
The blood that flows in my veins
Full of warmth and comfort
Its an odd sensation that keeps me sane

Under pressure and stress
Anxiety and depression
My self isolation adores me
Conjuring my regression

Though the world that is cold
That is scary and dark
This deep crimsons liquid
Staining my skin, leaving its mark

Reassuring me
That my heart still beats
That I'm alive and well
Even if the world is ever so bittersweet

Like an airplane reaching its climb they break through
My once composed and seamless blanket is now a
        valley of holes punctured and breaking,
They seep into my pores and leave me shaking.

These words manifested as bullets and knives
To do endless damage, leave me barely alive.

But the friendliest of fire is what hurts me the most,
My most powerful enemy and advisory is the one
         free to coast.
That who truly knows what is inly flung,
In myself, only I can be undone.

My exterior is a thin barrier,
My only defense against the world.