I still fight;
yet I still cry at night.

I still sing a lullaby;
yet I still want to die.

I still bleed some ink;
'cause I still overthink.

I still feel like an elf;
for I still doubt myself.

I still am pale;
for I still can fail.

I still cause heartaches;
for I still make mistakes.

I still enjoy this tone;
but I still feel alone.

I still fill my bed with squares;
'cause I still have nightmares.

I still swim through rhymes;
yet I still drown sometimes.

I still want to hold you, dear;
because, honey, I still fear.

You once wrote of life without me

You mentioned, "our eternal love for one another"
And yet some how eternal was far shorter than expected

I was upon the water when I was with you
Now I drown beneath the waves
With low tide no where in site

I was far more in your reach than you knew
But I suppose we will never know what could have been
I forget what it is like to breathe above the liquid loss I feel without you beside me
And no matter how many times I tell myself that I will be okay and I will move on
There are still times that my heart breaks and shatters and I shriek into the endless sky
Far more endless without you

What we had was infinity and now it is so finite
The further we got the more it crumbled in my hands
And I am so sorry
And I am so sad
And I am so stupid for letting my emotions take control and ruin what we had

We were the future
And we were the Omega

Now we are the past
And now we are history

Your ashes still lie here,
With the last of your remains,
I’m sorry I let you down,
I still suffer from this shame.

Your makeup still smeared,
On my new sweater’s collar,
Couldn’t do anything but watch,
As my heart began to get smaller.

Your jeans are still torn,
From the night you ran away,
My sorrow got the best of me,
And now they’re all stained.

Your eyes filled with fear,
Your cheeks still flushed with crimson,
My heart held you captive,
And alone you lie in prison.

Your eyes are so pure,
Still glowing in the night,
I wish I could go back,
So I can admire them right.

Your lips filled with poison,
Your hair pushed away,
Wish I could forget your flavor,
But I still taste it everyday.

Dry crying
with your mistless tongue
gacking and clatting
(a toy tapping out the winding
in its clockwork mockery)
Dry crying your devotions
and gloved family
into nothing more than vented memory
Your pores pelt vapor
You treaten thinner
stern thing
true to your wood
Dry to make your soldier state
Link rank with your troop mate
Crop your mind foreign of frills
Pay attention with your brothers in drill

I spent most of my life learning how to cry.
I will spend the rest of it learning how to stop.

for the longest time,
my pillow case was
the only one who
saw me cry.