Thread, hangs a marionette
Dancing in glee, striding
On a lake, youthful cygnet
Above, ripples resonating

Empty, the thoughts hollowed out
Plasters imprinted with faces
All day, all night, an empty throat
A spectacle, clanging dances

A husk, his body aboveground
His body, plastered, his face, red
Supine, his thoughts, praying to God
Hanging above, by flimsy thread

I don’t want to be fixed. Because I’m not a problem.

I have a different path and it’s okay.

I have a different life and it’s okay.

I have my own choices and it’s okay.


And hear me, I don’t need you to understand. I don’t need you to ask questions. I don’t need you to change my mind.


For my life is my own and no one has the power to control it but me. For God gave me those decisions not you. For I am strong enough to know what I want.

I am done crying. I am done blaming mental illness. I am done thinking I need to be fixed. I have the power to know what I want and you don’t.

So hear me, I don’t ask you to understand. I don’t want you to ask questions. I want you to love me, as you should and let me evolve. Let me grow. Let me live.

the lights beamed ahead with an intense ferocity
and the cars race by my slow moving eyes
and a bug, a thought crept down my spine
i could never be like them
not with my empty tank
not with the hands i tied behind my back
not sitting in the backseat
watching my life fly away from me
the front seat remains empty
the wheel jeers
while i peer at that front seat day after day
longing to feel the smooth leather against tired skin
but
never growing up enough
never finding the courage to love
enough to live my life

the proverb goes:
you who sit in a house of glass
shall not throw stones

but i just keep throwing them
towards the ceiling
and the walls - windows to my soul

because an exit wound is an
entry wound on the other side
and at least i am in control

I am a freak of nature
I am control
I am the silence in your voice
When you can't seem to hold
I am the one you push around
Just like a *****
I am the one
You keep begging for more
I am control

All these words
Running through back of my mind
Leave me alone
No I can't stand on my own

Start to humiliate you?
You're acting like you're the only one
With what you've been through
Leave me alone
I will stand on my own

All I am is a **** burden
Then why am I not forgotten?
Calling me just to ******* argue!
Did I disappoint you?
And let you down
You can't even grasp with what I've been through
Leave me alone
No more talking
Through back of my mind!

I'll lead you where you want to go
I'll never let you loose control
I am control!

You made me this way
And I couldn't stay away
Or did I choose to be this way?
Either way
I am my biggest ******* mistake
Mr. Self Destruct!

Show me how to live
To die another day
Living in this sickness
Thanks for the band aid

Don't push me your pills
My problems not your solution
My problem is you
Your whole evil evolution

Thanks for showing me how to live
To die a slower way
Please torture me with sickness
May I have another band aid

You've warped my perception
Made another slave
Medicated to complacency
I can never expect to be brave

I could almost feel the waves
swallowing me whole,
Hours reserved for dreaming
spent terrified.
What if a tsunami comes while I’m sleeping?  
I have never known what it is like
to not fear what
I cannot control.