It's insane, how alone lonely feels. It's truly one of those feelings that can not be done justice with words. Such a deep, empty feeling. It's elongating. Hollow yet heavy. It makes you feel like you'll never connect with another ever again, albeit perhaps fleetingly. It's a feeling that makes you believe all of the voices it brings in tow. A feeling so tangible, you can build a cocoon around yourself with the soft but slightly damp woolen material that falls over the walls of the maze of rooms that loneliness is. A smothering cocoon, one you don't emerge from prettier but flightier. Harder to touch. To see. Impossible to tether. One whose easily burned by the light after so much darkness. But drawn to it regardless. And thus, covered in scars.
MS Multiple Scleriosis Aka Miserable Self "Listen to your body" Says MS nurse Your mind keeps going Burning sensations intermittent Stabing and shooting in arms and legs Crawling in your head Numbness in your *** Forget fullness Wobbling stumberling Fear Pregablin ***** Dampening your fuesed nerves Limping dragging "rest" Says MS nurse Mind keeps going Days are half days Taken up by sleep Fear Weakness Dropping Numbness "pace yourself " says MS nurse Mind keeps going job half done Delegate Let go "Use your alternative technology " Says MS nurse Mind keeps going Stick Mixer Steamer Robotic vacuum cleaner Hose Wheelchair Automatic car It's challenging Managing Self Be kinder to yourself Kindness rules
I had dreamt Life would be all sweet and colourful A little challenge here, a little grief there They keep the journey real and meaningful I had prepared to be strong Rise above all hurdles Ignore all hassles Who knows what happened to that dream? 'Cos it's farther than it seems So far I can't catch a glimpse
I've never really been happy Not as I dreamt I've had more grief than joy Not what I saw I've not attained all I'd imagined Not as I thought All I desire is a life so simple Maybe not as simple as it sounds All I have is not as I dreamt All I am is not as I thought Now, I'm dreaming I might deserve Nothing more than I am Only I've got more than I deserve
Who knows what happened to my dreams? I wonder where our dreams go
Others you should not judge, criticise 'Til you have seen the world through their eyes; Know where the person is coming from, Know the challenges they overcome. For on you it does reflect badly, It says much more about you sadly. Makes you seem shallow, superficial, So narrow minded and judgemental.
We like to be happy, but it's when we are lost, miserable and enduring that ravenous unrelenting pain that we mature. Its in those, the most challenging moments of life, that create monsters and gods.
If I were to pluck a star from the sky each time life disappoints me there would be no sparkle even on a clear night. But if I'm to pluck them each moment I overcome the disappointments I'd pluck the Sun and the sky itself...
I've known pain I've known fear chilling than the harmattan air Pain, fiercer and harsher than the whips of a thousand horsemen
My soul sank deep into the river of pain and fear
I sought refuge in the ***** of the younger dawns I hid in their embrace and they comforted me I dreamt of the rebirth of her garden in all its glory I felt the healing miracle of the morning sun when Eva bathed in her warmth; and I saw her inhabitants, came alive with the songs of the birds, and fluttering flowers in the breeze I've known pain; Nameless, faceless fear
I sunk deep into their depths And they hurt no more
