You called for me
after I uttered your name
in a passing conversation,
but it’s too late now, father

You see,
I’ve already drank
your poison,
I savored it to the last drop

It’s in my bloodstream,
it’s in my hollow stomach,
it’s pouring over
everything that I am today

My soul is mine,
you can’t touch it,
it’s achingly burning from a
fire I can’t extinguish alone

Your name is laced
with mine, I’m sorry
I couldn’t forget you

But please let me
keep my soul,
It’s mine,
but can I keep it?

It burns me,
let me keep it anyway

But would you burn for me
like i burned for you
or could you only smoke
so everyone thought we had wildfires
but it was only me being razed to the ground
while you stand there

ready to smoke for another

i watch birds fly every day
i watch cars drive every day
i watch planes soar through the sky every day

i watch people falling through the ground every day
a few times a week i see children morph into nightmares
a few times a month i see my friends walk through walls
every so often i can smell a church burning down somewhere

every once in a while everything goes quiet
all the colors around me shift either 4 shades darker or 2 shades lighter
lighter
i want to be lighter
i want to be able to lift off the ground just like the birds

i want to be so light that i can slither through molecules
as thin as a paper

i want to walk through walls
i want to morph into something scarier than my nightmares
i want to remember what it feels like to not be scared of falling through the floor

i want to burn down a church

and then cry and beg for forgiveness at the feet of the lord

i had to, i'm sorry.
it was the only way to feel like he's truly gone.

i want to be high on the feeling of screaming at the top of my lungs.
but i can't find anything that raises me up enough to feel that.
diphenhydramine morphs children into nightmares.
dextromethorphan makes people fall through the ground and walk through walls
the devil himself makes me remember the smell of a
church
        burning
                 down
but i've never seen a church burn down

perhaps it's just my mind manifesting my thoughts into physical sensations

I wish I could burn those years away,
And watch the memories disappear between the flames
Whispers of that hell go up in smoke,
I cover up my ears, lest thoughts provoke

Human life is funny. I tend to think of us as candles.
And we flicker.
We’re small.
We die.

But, you feed that candle, it can be a fire.
And we burn.
We blind.
We remember.

Pack your things in a box painted blue
In a shoe box you found in the back of the closet
Your school bag and the purse your sister loved
We are leaving behind the memories
Leave these cold nights and drive through the woods
Find a lake to drown in and throw your family picture in too
Get out of the water still breathing
Still just barely alive
We can kiss under the stars
Love in the night as we leave everything we once knew
Home doesn't have to be a place
And it sure as hell isn't a person
But maybe the feeling you give me is
Lets thrive on nothing my dear
We can be more than just our family
Become the stars with me
I'd like to burn

burn
white hot is the silent rath
it festers within
like a scarlet fire upon evergreen
embers trapped in dark irises
ashes lost to soft whispers

a wick to a flame, I will light up
and meet the energy I'm given

is my candle burning from both ends?
is my true form an unlit candle
or a pile of melted wax?