we spoke, i thought,
in time until;
you love me,
you say it,
we marry,
you’re mine

now only i measure
in time since;
you said it wasn’t right,
you left,
i was not alone,
you were mine.

i measure life in time until i forget you.

the canyons you carved
mains nues
like cracked earth
prend soin
break cycles between
ce qui est figé
surfaces and heavy skin
fixé pas coincé
now leaves and has left
seul à nouveau
reconfigures my vision
proving i never knew anything
et je saurai encore moins
me, i travel and pass past
de l'eau qui se jette sur
les bords du rocher
she reminds me of me
when i loved you

I wish you the best,
But I also hope you fail.

I hope you feel pain,
And learn how to grow.

To grieve, to cry, to regret the choices you made.

To wonder 'what if' – 'what if I had tried'

As much as I hope you suffer,
I hope you can become the person you could never be for me.

Moments filled with joy,
Float away like pink balloons,
Never to be seen again.

I miss those pink balloons,
The type of pink that looks terrible on curtains,
but looks good on you.

I mourn the lack of pink,
I try to find a new colour,
My new favourite colour.

It might take a while till I find it,
but I'll always remember those pink balloons.

I want to
remember every sensation
taste every word
feel every look
touch every whisper

Thinking I've long moved on.
These constant thoughts of her
assumed having long been gone
now they randomly will recur.

Today was such a case.
Going through my tunes
Unexpectedly in their place
A song I'd sing to you in June.

a birthday song I'd rehearse
reminder of one I once knew
and a day I'll forever curse
I'm still haunted by the ghost of you.

we were friends once,
until you shut me out,
angry that your lover —
the married one —
tried to take me
when he wasn’t allowed.

the blame poured on me.

but i begged you back,
forgiving him, and you.
call me naïve,
but i forgave myself, too —
though there wasn’t much to.

i still thank heaven
you left me sore and reeling
before my wedding.

i’d have hated for you
to show up, smiling,
immortalised in photos,
as a maid of pretending.

All you need is a another me
another me who will love you more
another me who will understand you better
another me who will care for you more
all you need is a another me

he kissed me
by the river —
soft, sweet,
almost right.

but he wasn’t you.
and he didn’t notice
that quietly,
our magic slipped away.

he sent me a text,
still in a haze,
wearing the memory
of my taste
on his lips.

as i read it, i cried.

because i wanted the boy
who broke me,
instead of the boy
who tried.

Was it ever even real,
If the love was just a drug.
That I grabbed just to feel,
In the grave that you dug.

I really thought you were pure,
Wanted me for me.
Just to be each others cure,
But I didn’t see.

How bad it would **** me up,
The regret it would leave.
I’d be permanently marked up,
Pain that nothing can relieve.

You saved me and ruined me,
So can I really be mad.
You saved my life technically,
But I’m not even glad.

You should have let me go then,
And dissapear from everyone forever.
But then you wouldn’t be able to **** with me again,
So you kept bringing me back to ***** me over.