To walk away on Christmas.
I've never felt winter's breeze graze my cheek so sharply.
My heart grows cold as this prolonged night goes on.
I'm frozen.

Four years of my life,
Lost at sea.
Though my heart breaks into falling snowflakes
You had to be free of me.
There was no place left for me in your occupied heart.
This frostbite will sting, until I feel no more.

What warmth that was left in my core has been stolen by this cursed evening.
And as the tears fall from my face onto the desolate ground,
I stand there frozen.
Lost. At a loss.
I can't breathe.
Every breath is like a gasp for air.

The void in my heart fills with gaping streams of sorrow-filled, silent screams.
And all I can see is utter darkness.

and maybe if i kissed you a little bit harder,
held your hand a little bit tighter,
hugged you a little bit softer,
told you i loved you a little bit more often,
maybe you would have stayed a little bit longer.

and not even months
of therapy
and kind words
and all medication to numb
my brain,
will mend the hole in my heart.

foolish grins
and things unsaid
          ✦
a twinkle in your eye
a playful friend

                    the scent of your cologne
                    the feel of your shirt
                                  ✦
                   audacious jokes
                   a cryptic verse

slow guitar
secret kisses
         ✦
take me into
imagined blisses


                     "What are these?"
                      I guess that's my cue
                                  ✦
                      don't you see
                      these are all the reasons
                      that I love you

I could fall asleep on his shoulder but I wouldn't want to miss hearing him whisper sweet nothings into my ear. I could hold onto his hands forever but I fear our sweat will turn into oceans and drown him. I could hug him forever but I wouldn't want to break the very ribs that protect his heart from getting hurt.
I haven't kissed him yet for fear that I won't stop until our lips hurt
So many things to fear in this world but I only fear for *his safety

My love for you,
is so strong,
is so magnificent,
is so different.
All the words in the world,
I can't express my love.

The grace of a horse,
The beauty of a diamond,
The passion of a rose,
The length of the universe.
My love for you is a combination,
in which it is hard to describe.

Only love,
Only loyalty,
Only you,
Only me,
Only us,
Only we.

'I wonder how I'll handle the next goodbye...?'
This thought haunts and hounds me even at our happiest moments
lurking in the shadows is the constant reminder of the fact that we
are mostly far apart...

Our closeness exists over Skype and conversation and while
I wouldn't change us for the world I do yearn to reach out
and kiss you and hold you and touch you at times...
More times than I'd care to admit.

On the bad days I would give anything to just lay in your arms
and allow myself the comfort of feeling broken
because around you I know I can do that and you
won't judge me for it.

I want to be there when things go wrong for you
I want to be the comforting embrace when you come in from
a long shift, the sanctuary from a world that got the better
of you for today.

I want to be the first to celebrate your successes and cheer you
on from the sidelines when you finally reach the goals you've been
chasing and achieve the things you thought simply weren't possible
because I believed in you all along.

I want to be there for all the big things
and the little things
and the highs
and the lows
and the smiles
and the tears
I want to be there for good
Not visits but for life...

But for now there's still a departure gate
and a flight that cannot be missed
and so until next time I wait
when we meet again until our next kiss.

I smile so wide and ask her about
her boyfriend, how he's doing,
how he's treating her...
She smiles back and says
that they love each other.

Don't get me wrong,
I'm happy for her, really.
It's just that it's so weird
to refer to you now as someone's
boyfriend when you used to be
the reason I was breathing.


F.Z.N

All you wanted to do that day was talk to me.
All you wanted to do was see me again.

I told you that I wasn't allowed
to take the car to see you that day.

So you took your parents car,
in the middle of the night,
all for a plan to watch the stars with me.

A plan that I never agreed upon
And yet you still went through with it.

And you ended up in a ditch
Because you swerved to avoid a deer.

And you had to call your dad,
and tell him that you were an idiot,
and that you ****** up,
and that his car is now in a ditch.

And then you were grounded for a whole month.

it was idiotic ever loving you.

it’s like taking your sleeping pills with an energy drink,
 or trying to swim with a chain around your ancle,

it’s two things going against each other.
they’re just not supposed to fit.