It's 1:24 am on a Tuesday, and I haven't stopped smiling. Even 287 miles away,
You make me happier than anything ever has. And I know that love has no distance,
because it's been almost a month since the last time I saw you and I have stayed up every night thinking about you and I swear to god everyday I find one more little thing I love about you and I fall more in love with you.
I am laying here thinking about all the ways to tell you I love you and all the ways I can show you. I'm thinking about our first kiss and the first time I realized I was in love with you. I'm thinking of the first time I got to sleep in your arms and all the times you made me so happy I cried. I love you so much and this is so hard because I see my friends with the people they love and all I can do is send you a text saying I love you but I won't even say I miss you because I am scared you'll think I am not okay with waiting and if I lost you now, I'd be so ruined. But I miss you so much and it is so hard to wait but it'd be so much harder if I just never saw you again. If all these memories turned into bitter ones and if I had to go from thinking your name and smiling to trying to drown you from my mind with whatever worked, I wouldn't be able to smile anymore. All those cheesy love songs that make me think about you or those ****** love poems I wrote about you would just make me hate myself because I lost the only person who was able to make me happy. I never thought I could miss someone this much, and oh my god, it hurts so bad and sometimes I can't sleep at night because my bed feels so empty and cold without you here to hold me in it, but I'd never give this up. I'd wait another month, hell I'd wait a year if I had to because I swear to god that you're the one and I'd have to be an idiot to give someone as amazing as you up.

Do not sweet talk to me
about the future
about our future
unless you can actually
see it
see me
and not question
if we are truly meant to be
and you are aware
that you would dread for there
to be a morning
you awake
to an empty bed
a twist of fate
to someone who is not me
and could never be
for I am the one
you know
you want
and
need

Wrap your arms around me,
lets mold ourselves like clay.
Two separate pieces,
Both an off shade of grey.

Wrap your heart around me,
Let's paint ourselves like trees.
You are yellow; I am blue,
But together we make green.

Wrap your soul around me,
Lets write ourselves a poem.
I lose myself in words
Yet you always bring me home.

The way I think about you
on these days
is different

It is not the casual thoughts
I have about the way
you looked at me
that one time
we tried to study together

It is not the replaying
of when you kissed me
at the bottom of the stairs
that night everything
fell apart

It is not the daydreams
of how I might return to you
in just a few short days

It is when I get this feeling
deep in my stomach
that I think
would most commonly be paired
with the phrase,
I miss you

It is often on these nights
that I get to hear your voice
or in the following morning
when I wake up to see
that you tried to call

It is almost as though
I could sense our connection,
that maybe,
wherever you were,
you were missing me, too

Tell me that not every guy will
leave black tar in my chest,
Assure me that not every guy
is pollution to my soul.
Promise me that I won't be
coughing up their ashes forever.

So go ahead,
fill me with too many "I love you"s.
Inflate my lungs until they want to burst.
Teach me what it's like
to inhale something that won't hurt.

Show me what it's like to have clean air in my lungs.
*Let me breath you.

Time and talk will heal
the hole that's been punched between
your heart and my own.

I thought of you, when you thought of me.
I deleted all our memories off my phone.
The ones where we're smiling,
As if in a few short months,
We didn't know we'd be nothing to each other,
You gave me a quiet hey,
I gave you a simple nod,
We asked about each other's lifes,
I found that quite odd,
Because it feels like just yesterday,
You knew me better than myself,
But you told me about your new job,
1500 a night,
Taking your clothes off for girls,
As if that was right,
I asked jokingly if you charged extra for the guys,
You nodded without missing a beat,
I felt chocked up inside,
I just grinned and said I remember when I got all of that for free.

the last time
I shaved
was when I met you