I wouldn't change the way I am
But I am a passionate person
I react strongly to everything
I love fast and hard
If only I could
Stop…
As easily as switching a light
On
        And
                   Off
But it only works one way
And I am destroying myself
Each time a little more
I pour my entire being in one go
I give and give and give until nothing is left
But
So often I am rewarded with silence
Then the pain
The pain
Is the worst kind
A burning blade slicing and burning
Fire in your veins
The pain makes my mind go numb
And attempt at shutting it all off
But always comes back
With a vengeance
I am a passionate person
And as they all do
Passions come with a price
I wonder how long I will be willing
**To pay.

I’m belly-side up,

Vulnerable.

Naked, without guard.

And I hand you the blade,

To carve out my heart.

I'm biting my skin
Because my nails
Well, they've been bitten to the nub
My anxiety is taking over
But I won't let it show
I don't know what to say
So the only reason my mouth is open
Is so it can wrap around my flesh
If you gave me back my blade,
I would stop biting my nails

You caught me with a blade
Pressed against my stomach
Drawing blood
You told me Jesus loves me
And world war 3 would stop
If I'd just call out on him

You told me that wouldn't make life easier
But it would help me live
A happy healthy life
But I can't give it up
My attempts at grasping for control

My shirt had blood on it
You watched me clean off the blood
You sighed, and reminded me
That I was worth something
Of course, I didn't hear you

I'm worrying now
That you'll tell my mom
That I'll get shipped off some place
Where they keep sharp things away
My blade has dulled
And so has the pain
I swear, I'll stop
I just needed to feel better

The idea of a fat rain drop smacking my shoulder blade is
both wildly unsatisfying and
much sweeter than the slice of a blade across my forearm.
But in the real world
Raindrops don't bruise
don't damage
don't break the skin like my glistening friend can.
I never understood the sad girls,
thick, black eyeliner running down,
who cut.
Until now.
And maybe I haven't yet
Maybe I never will.
But the sting of the knife would be so much more tangible
Than the ache I feel
Every time
I think about how you aren't here.

i think to myself death take me
take me away from this ugly world
all i get is silence
i flick open my pocketknife
the cold sharp blade is a relief
death please
i start to cut my skin
death take my soul
blood starts to drip deep red
death take my heart
press deeper with the blade
death take my life
with a clink of metal on the tiled floor
the ****** knife came to rest
death
departing from this world i thanked death
and said goodbye to everyone
death why are you so simply complicated?

You came into the bathroom
And took the blade from my hands
You left me in shock
And returned with the
Mickey Mouse band aids
And a box of tissues.
You turned on the faucet
And as the water turned red
You just stared at me
You bandaged me up
And you stared again
Until I started telling you
The whole story
And when I was done
You just stared
And then you did something extraordinary.
You started to cry.
-CsR