I'm feeling so bitter, so ugly.
These gross feelings that torment -
        Like an addict,  I welcome them,
But reluctant, and hating every second.
  I find I cannot let go
Of the passions that I grasp.
             I'm an evil soul, inside and out.
Oh help me, God, I am so lost!
Lost in the confusing swirl
Of right and wrong and grey.
The truth is found by reason,
               But the same can justify hate.
Oh, my God, oh, my God:
I beg for all the things to *****
And out, out, to go and free -
Give me liberty from this plague
      Which is me.

Head spinning
Ears ringing
Skin tingling
You sleeping
Me existing

Another stolen night
Another hotel room fight
Another hotel room ****
Another run of bad luck
Another bottle of scotch

I watch your torso fall and rise
Remembering the lust in your eyes
Listening whilst you told me lies
You “Love me” what a clichéd surprise
Yet, still I cannot say to you “goodbye”.

tell me we are not for each other
speak to me like you are right
say that nothing else would matter
if you had me in your heart

but sad is the saddest truth
you don't see me like you see her
you think that girl is cute
and I'm some kind of bitter

then why you come to me every night
visit me such gently when I'm dreaming
why did you speak to me as if you're right
my heart  is only capable of screaming

The heavens were mad,
So the clouds thickened and rained,
Tearing on the earth.

Why does morning coffee tastes like our bitter yesterdays?
   I added sugar to bring the sweetness back
      while all you do is sugarcoat everything.
            Cigarettes matches  our coffee more than pastry
               maybe we are only destined to be a habit
                     than being a necessity.

helpless,
your eyes watered
yet you say you’re fine.
the coldness crippled through your spine
and afraid to fault again,
silence lurked.

you hid your pain with light,
it blinded the darkness
and your sorrows were held high.

my heart aches writing this, but
held so close in your embrace,
still- far apart.  
your presence caressed me.  

just a breath away,
you slipped from my hands.
i held you like water dripping down my bare hands.
now i’m stuck between these spaces,
these memories,
they were crumpled and thrown away into the bin.

tissues that drenched
and pillows that knew every story.
my legs couldn’t take the weight,
i fell to my knees.

the last petal drops
the moon cries
was i destroying something so beautiful yet bitter?