I was really surprised when you came,
But I knew that I was genuinely happy with you.
Now, I get so afraid that I might lose you.
I am angry at myself for letting this be.

We started as total strangers.
Worked our way out to become friends.
Turns out we just have to be lovers.
Let's not go back to this stranger thing again.

Mixed emotions are coming through.
And I have to stay fit, can’t let them know I’m feeling blue.

I stay in character, and I stay okay.
But deep down inside, I think I’m starting to decay.

They ask me how I’m doing, if I’m feeling fine. I keep a smile on my face, but what they don’t know, it’s a big lie.

Fighting the tears and the sorrow everyday. I try so hard to keep up in this earthly play.

But I think we all are, and that makes me feel sane. That the whole world is also, feeling this pain.

as you edge your way further into my life
the further away from the one we lead together it seems we get

we are so far apart yet we are getting closer

I am not with you
but you are with me always;

you made a choice to abandon what I was forced to leave and there is a major difference

between living and loving
and still

our separation still remains among so many changes
but still it seems that no distance or distractions keep me away from loving that part of you that is distant and distracted and bracing itself,

taking a breath (don't tell)

pushing back against the thing that reached out to you first
that thing you have chosen to a avoid, easily, based on our circumstances;

Everything that surrounds me is new
Everything that surrounds you was mine

except for your love and your lips on mine
and tell me again,
why couldn't this have happened when you loved me the last time

We share more of our lives than ever before yet next to none of ourselves with each other

its funny how life used to feed us in the opposite manner
but things flip **** sometimes

yet I still say don't worry;

I'm gone but I'm not really really gone
I'm just
away, if that makes sense

and yeah if I'm being honest
I might be gone but I was left

you are loved by me you know
and I hope that helps

know, if anything: I care

(too much maybe)

I'm really am sorry
but I don't know anything else.

I'm ashamed to admit
that from time to time
I miss the feeling of my bones.

I miss feeling thin
Feeling empty within
Feeling powerful and in control

Yet this is an illusion.

Depressed and fat, or depressed and thin?
Which mindset will eventually win?

I hope to find a middle ground.
Where self battering isn't a recurring sound.

Can that be found?

Life is full of a thousand varying scales
Love and Hate
Anger and Joy
Happiness and Sadness
There must be balance to keep the peace

For some reason however,
One of your scales seem to be offset
Love is outweighing hate by far too much
It’s taking a toll on your soul
You’ve become tired and insecure
From all your love overflowing from your scale
As it floods onto those who are heavy with hate

It’s okay to be angry and unforgiving
It’s okay to be sad and admit hatred
They come on par with healing
For without being able to know these feelings
You will drown in the in between
You are far too wonderful to sink below the pressure

Spare your scales and be honest with your heart
If you weren’t meant to feel both the heaviness and lightness
You wouldn’t have had a heart
Feel the anger, hatred, and sadness
So that you may receive the love, happiness, and joy
Without the consequence of an unbalanced scale