Even with you, I’m so ******* lonely
We don’t really talk much, you just want to hold me
I need so much more depth, much more connection
But it seems like you’re only interested in getting an *******
Is there anything left to experience or is this all we’ve got
Because I’m not having any fun, nothing’s being taught
Where is your wisdom, where is your love
Where are your feelings and what you’re thinking of
I just feel so far away but you insist this is right
We hardly ever talk from morning to night
We don’t really sit down and get to know each other
You never let me finish my story about having a half brother
What’s the point of this, is this even nice
I’m not heeding my soul, I’m just smoking my vice
Head in the sand and dirt in my ears
I’m not listening to my heart, I’m listening to my fears

Life is black and white
One moment you are full of feels
Another you are nothing but an empty vase
Tell me which is worse
Tell me which is better

The feeling of being accepted
The feeling of being appreciated for lil’ things
The feeling of belonging to someone and someplace
The feeling of chasing dreams with hope
The feeling of inspiration brewing within you
The feeling of loving life while watching the sun set
The feeling of the sipping on the warm coffee
The feeling of cold water running down your body
The feeling of waking up to a sunny morning
The feeling of overcoming your fear of dogs
The feeling of achievement after finishing a 3000-word essay
The feeling of being

Or

The peaceful feeling of being lost in your own dimension
The peaceful feeling of not talking to anyone
The peaceful feeling of not having to trust a soul
The peaceful feeling of laying hopelessly  
The peaceful feeling of the 3am routine
The peaceful feeling of the bitter sensation of liquor
The peaceful feeling of hot water running in the dark space
The peaceful feeling of not leaving your bed
The peaceful feeling of gazing at the ceiling
The peaceful feeling of just being

Tell me which is worse
Tell me which is better

Tucked behind the golden locks,
that cascaded down her face
Were the footprints of dancing sunbeams,
that left freckles in their trace

And a pair of vibrant green eyes,
that flowed like twin creeks
Showed that she had been broken,
as they flooded her cheeks

Shattered by a voice, from which,
she could never break free
And he whispered in her ears,
just like the buzzing bee

His voice was rough,
and his every word stung
Much like the devil himself,
he bore a forked tongue

He made her believe, that she,
would never be enough
And he insisted on making,
every day tough

He told her she was damaged,
unwanted and broken
Like a loose seam, she came undone,
with every word spoken

Her glossy green eyes,
behind luscious locks of gold
Fought an unfair war, against the lies,
her anxious mind told

We are tired.
So very very tired.
Everything feels like a waste of time
And our minds feel tired.
Our bones won't respond.
Their eyes look bored
And the train of thought has paused.
Everything feels so insufferable,
Nothing feels new or true anymore.

This kind of tired
Was born in us.
And somehow it has tangled its way
Around our hearts.
The dreary days come from years
Of waking to the same
Numb dumb feeling in our smiles.
We feel motion sickness in our hands
From writing all these bubblegum dreams
Knowing that our reality
Will never be as sweet
As the dreams that come from sleep.

It's the tragic trend of the generation
That spent so long overthinking
That they figured it all out.
Now our anxious minds feel the tired
From knowing the illusion has reached the credits.
There's no reset button,
And we're too poor to drown in the dust
Of the bones of those from before.
So we'll stay tired
And drown in bittersweet fallacies
Waking and hating
The haunting reality.

Why is my throbbing heart,
present in the present,
but stuck in the past?

I'm sorry that I constantly push you away, without an explanation at all,
I'm trying my best, but my trauma convinces me that you may hurt me.

My issues make me feel lonely, even when there are days when I am not.
I secretly crave attention and love, but will never admit to it because of my trust issues.

So instead, I make myself content within my loneliness and
       made the rain beating against my window on a winters night,
                                        my only friend.

It is silent
but I feel like a thousand words are spoken
we don’t look each other in the eyes anymore  
we don’t touch
we only wave
from across the room

goodbye ¿

even if i had known love has been and always will be quicksand, still i'd jump in it, simply in order to tell you i love you. simply to drown myself looking at you. even if i were to drown again, again, again, again....