I believe in angels,
Their wings of feathers white.
They glow almost golden,
In the morning light.

It's such a relief,
To see the halos on their heads.
Because no one looking at such a thing
Could ever wish that they were dead.

The rays, when they hit you,
It reminds you why you're here.
They put a pillow under your head
And wipe away your tears.

I believe in angels,
They come to me at night.
They sit by me while I rock myself,
And hold onto the bottle tight.

Their voices are only whispers,
Takes my breath away to hear.
I try to curl up on their shoulders,
But they always disappear.

all that i can do now is lay here and feel all of the hurt
and there is no way to escape it except to sleep
and i am laying here wishing that the sun would go away and that time would stop so i can lay here forever in the dark
a moment where i don't need to wake up and force myself to exist
the hurt gets worse
it gets worse
home alone once again and my bed is becoming too lonely where i can't even lay in it either

and you, where are you?
you are out and you are barely alive
and you're doing drugs and you're drinking yourself black
and everyone around you thinks that you're just having fun
when i know you drink because alcohol is your disease and you have to feed it even when you don't want to
you are sad
and you aren't here or happy
but none of them see
except for me

so i can't lay here
in peace
wondering what you are doing or if you are okay
and it shouldn't matter but it does more than anything
because you aren't wondering if i am okay

your lips are on the bottles tonight
and not on mine
and that alone is enough to destroy someone
because i love you
and your alcohol

it does not love you.

"
i realized:
i was not addicted to you,
i was intoxicated by the thought
of who you should have been

and in that moment
it came to me
your charm was potent
as though it was whiskey

you could ruin lives
just as alcohol ruined mine
you were way too nice
and you became the reason why

i drank all the pain away
trying to make sense of it all
my heart burst into flames
knowing that i took a hard fall
."

On that day my soul grew drunk
The cooked curiosity craving
The passion never slaving
I crave the ******, sick spirit

Instead I uncovered the affinity
The vehemence smiled
What could there be more purely piled?
I crave the temptress, thirsty thing

Suddenly, I heard some feeling
My ambition, I could not awaken
While I pondered, bibulous and forsaken
I crave the tippling, touched target

She took another sip of her fine feathered drink
I don't think this is a learned behavior
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree
Blank stares following her body sways
Making mountains out of molehills
I take an attempt to persuade her to address the issue
Only leaves a temporary result to get us off her back
The weight on her back transfers to mine
All eyes on me to intervene again
Though my shell is hard, my inside is not

I forget about it most of the time
But then I hear a door slam
Or a glass break
And I'm thrown back into the tidal wave
Reaching
Grasping
Begging
To make it back to shore

I wore a smile
To cover the stain
Swam in the bottle
To ease the pain

Quick with a quip
Ready with a joke
My anguish never passing from my lip
Levity my cloak

Smiles became heavy
Strains bled thru
In the mirror a shell
Of a man I once knew

The light house has gone dark
No guide in this storm
Acts once unheard of
Now are the norm

Where is my savior
The light to lead my way
Where is my Angel
To lift this endless night
And resurrect the day