The anguish that she couldn’t contain at midnight ,
dawn always seemed to be her only constant companion.

i feel.

disconnected
helpless
tiny

in agony.

i feel like the world is ending
but I have no one to turn to.
i feel very happy for a moment
and very sad to the other.
i feel like i can't do anything right
as if it were mud, as if it didn't hurt,

as if i was worth nothing.

I’m sorry I’m such a burden to everyone
I wish it didn’t come to this but I feel like
I have no choice in the matter anymore
I have lost the one person who I loved with my entire being

I lost all of my stuff
I lost my sanity
I tried so hard to push myself past this pain
But it’s getting to the point where I can’t breath when I wake up

My heart is trashed
My mind has turned completely savage on itself
Everyday the voices in my head
Are screaming at me

About how stupid I am
How I’m worthless
How deserve all this pain I’m in
And I’m starting to believe it

I fall asleep crying my eyes out
Begging for it to stop
My night terrors don’t help either
I rarely sleep so sometimes I just cry all night

Waking up with tear stains on my cheeks
As I grasp for my inhaler
I don’t know how much more of this I can take
I’m trying to be happy for him

To show that I’m glad he’s happy
And don’t get me wrong because I am
But at the same time
I’m slowly killing myself

I don’t think I will ever
Be able to get out of this
The pain is getting too real
My only wish is that he remains happy

That he enjoys his life to the fullest
I will watch over him
Make sure nothing bad comes his way
He was given my soul years ago

And I refuse to take it back
I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough
I’m sorry I might end up looking selfish
I’m sorry I will put so much suffering

Onto others for my choice
But I can’t do this any longer
Not by myself
Not without him

I feel like I’m going crazy
My head is spiraling out of control
These thoughts that come flooding
Making me go insane

Pushing me to my limits
Causing me great pain
Pushing me so far
That I am unable to breath

Thoughts that push me so far
That my mind slowly cracks
And my demons threaten to escape
I’m so scared now

I feel like these thoughts
Are running out of control
Pushing me away from sanity
And closer to my doom

I’m so lost now
I wish things could get better
But I’m not sure if that’s possible
My heart and mind are no longer in sync

I just want this pain to end
I want to find the one I’m to be with
I want to stop the screaming voices
I need my life to turn around

I want to be free of the anguish
Free of this never ending battle
Between these vicious voices
And my ever breaking heart

So many issues
So little time
So much I need to get done
Yet there might not be any way to do it

So instead of doing the things I need to do
I’ve been battling with my thoughts
Pushing them away one by one
Until I am even able to move

The sorrow
The tears
The constant cries for help
All ignored and brushed away

I’m broken
Beat down by my own mind
Been that way for years
And yet my cries are never heard

I’m pushed away
Tossed around like garbage
No one really wants me around
And who can blame them anyway

My heart aches badly
But I know I can’t fix it
My mind screams loudly
Though I can’t silence it

The end of days is soon upon me
With no help how can one be expected
To continue this miserable existence
When all they get is ignored

I’m a burden on everyone I meet
I don’t deserve to live
Though I try so hard to voice my needs
It always ends in a fight

I no longer have a reason
A reason to exist
My heart is failing fast
I don’t know how much longer I have left

The one person I wanted to help me
The one person I cared about the most
The one person in which I love
Shoved me away to die

With heart shattered
And mind destroyed
I no longer have a reason
To continue this fight

No matter how hard I beg
No matter how hard I try
I can never fix this
Heaven knows I want too

My love runs so deep
That it hurts inside
My heart starts to burn
As pain runs through my chest

I have lost everything
There is nothing left for me here
No joy, happiness or love
Only sorrow and pain

So I wish you the best
Though I always have
For you to live
For the both of us

Cause even though
You ripped out my heart
And stomped it into the ground
I still love you to death

My soul shall remain by your side
For all eternity my love
For you were the only happiness
That I ever had

With each passing day
This heart grows weaker
Burning itself up
In the flames of despair

Longing for something
That will never be
It rips and tears
Bleeding out it’s cries

As the heart inflates
The burning intensifies
Threatening to stop the heart
And end the life of the one who hold it

Buckling over in agony
From the pain deep within their chest
Crying out for some kind of relief
As tears run down their face

The pain intensifies so greatly
That the heart starts to falter
Missing beats and becoming unbalanced
As the blood builds up inside

Steadily with each day that passes
The body gets colder
Fearing that it’s coming to an end
They clench their chest tightly

Heavy breaths escape their lips
As it gets harder and harder to breathe
The heart is failing
And only one thing can set it free

But alas this thing
In which can set the heart free
May never happen
And if it might the chances are slim at best

Collapsing onto the floor
The body crumbles into a heap
The heart pulsing loudly
As it sounds it’s last beats

Tears run dry
As the body turns stiff
The heart stops pumping
As the eyes turn cloudy

Far from which this has occurred
The one who can stop it is unaware
Whether they are ignorant to the fact
Or simply wishes to ignore

This love that’s inside
This failed heart was real
As well as the pain
That it had endured

So weep if you care
For it is now too late
You have missed your chance
To save the one you need